"What's Love Got To Do With It?"

The tension was building. We were in our eighth year and we wanted more, plenty more.

Morning, noon, night - it mattered not the hour, our thoughts were heading in one delicious direction. Money. We needed more and fast!

We met in 1990, soon after I had returned to Jamaica from university in Europe. Armed with a Master's degree, the world was my oyster and all I needed was someone to eat that baby with. I found The One and our relationship was hot, passionate and totally taboo.

With time, we adapted and finances became the hottest thing happening in our bedroom. 

It had crept in through the back door, left open by all the mounting expenses of coupledom and raising a young child. School fees, rent, car payment, food, clothing, utilities were some of the basic expenses stealing our joy. Added to that were the costs associated with taking care - completely - of my mother.

Love has a funny way of being sidetracked when money problems step in. The after sex conversations, if there was any 'action' going on in the first place, quickly went to money. "No hon, we can't do that, it's too expensive and we still have the light bill," usually killed the afterglow.

Hard as we tried, it got worse. Sadly, we had no one to counsel us, as who wanted friends or family to know the real story. "We'll plod along, cut back, scrap the vacation," was my then partner's solution.

In the end, after 16 years, we crashed and burnt. 

Money, however, is not to be blamed. Actually no one is to be faulted. Hindsight has taught me that. Our challenges, not dissimilar to that of many couples, married or not, included:

• Failing to discuss, understand and negotiate prior to "becoming One," our financial lifestyle. 
• Getting on the "Keeping up with the Joneses" bandwagon and having no clue how to ride.
• Trying to live up to the expectations and demands of third parties, namely family.

"Money ... is like a beautiful thoroughbred horse--very powerful & always in action, but unless this horse is trained when very young, it will be an out-of-control & dangerous animal when it grows to maturity." Dave Ramsey, Financial Peace Revisited 

That is exactly what we were and what many entering or in relationships are: untrained horses. We have been set loose, metaphorically, on this track of "Money Is All There Is" and no one really trained us how to race.

Indebted and mortgaged to our necks, marriages and relationships, specifically the live-in ones, are heading to the break-up courts. How can this change? With little to no financial expertise, my top three suggestions and not in order of priority would be:

1. Before shacking up, legally or otherwise, even while still dating, talk about your financial history, outlook, desires. If you are not a "best fit," and the differences are fundamental, walk!
2. Get to know and understand your personal and true relationship with money. Heal what needs to be and embrace and enhance what is working for you.
3. See a financial advisor if you need expert help to physically sort your financial situation before tying the knot or entering a committed relationship.

Relationships are wonderful, yet they are not "trouble free." Minimize the one greatest challenge that many couples face and do the preparatory and exploratory work before "putting a ring on it!"

Need support or street-smart suggestions? Contact me through this blog, on Facebook or Twitter.

Continue to have a blessed day!

Photo Source: fabulouslybroke.com