Twenty-five plus years have passed and so too memory of exactly what she was saying to me. She was the only person in our apartment building who responded to my cries for help. That in itself was a blessing, as he had beaten me before, many times, and everyone including family in the next room immediately developed "Can Hear Nothing" Syndrome.
Domestic violence occurs everywhere, every day and most turn a blind eye to the signs that someone is being whupped next door. Most do and say nothing in defense of the "target" of the abuse or offer support to the family to help resolve the issues. Not until someone is critically maimed or heaven forbid, a body is removed from the home, the neighbours are deaf/mutes.
I do not watch television news, listen to it on the radio or read newspapers. Have not done so in over 18 months now. The news, however, will find you. Take yesterday as an example. I went most of the morning in complete oblivion to the "news of the day." Around 11:00 a.m., as I sat in my stylist's chair to have my dreadlocks groomed, the tension was palpable.
The three stylists in the salon and a client were all wringing their hands, gnashing their teeth and in total outrage. From what I could gather, their mourning was brought about by the newscast that a woman was murdered the day before by her husband.
I will not get into the gory details except to say that the deceased body was viciously mutilated. She had apparently told the husband that she was leaving, after 'suffering' beatings for years at his hands. All present agreed that the "man was either mad or wicked or both!"
What struck me was the discourse about the complexity of leaving an abusive relationship, especially when children are involved. Where I almost joined in the conversation but held myself back was when someone raised the point that there are women (and men) who choose to remain even when there are no impediments to leaving.
The notion that striking a partner is a demonstration of love is one that I choose never to accept. In my view, it is a mask covering the underlying issue of low to no self esteem. Whatever the causes of (and there are a few) and the impediments to leaving a violent relationship - being beaten once, worse yet repeatedly is NOT an indication of affection.
My experience of domestic violence ended in divorce. Granted my self esteem was on the ground floor, I knew something was psychologically wrong with a man (or woman) who felt it was his only conflict resolution option. On one other ocassion later, another husband (that is a story in and of itself) made his first move into "beat the wifey land" with me. He was immediately deported, exiled and barred for life although we were swamped with debt.
No-thing is worth my ever being beaten again.
No man or woman should be worth accepting being beaten, not by you or your neighbours. In the case of the latter, the least you can do is call the police and/or slip the "target" a flyer for the nearest shelter. In your case, the least you can do is get help to develop an exit plan.
Should you need to discuss your personal situation, feel free to contact me here. Otherwise you can leave a comment on our Facebook page or send us a tweet.
Have a good Tuesday!
Photo Source: everydayfeminism.com
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