With a rare afternoon of no after school activity, her son was also there. He, as always, engaged me in conversation on a myriad of topics. Supposedly doing his homework, every time he heard a word that he did not understand, he raised his hand to be heard.
As we drove home hours later and after answering questions on marketing, report writing and my favorite song, his mother and I were finally able to talk about relationships. Actually, we got to that quite circuitously.
My girlfriend and I were discussing my short term plans, as I do have a return ticket that either needs to be used in a few or the departure date changed.
"I have been researching apartments and not sure whether to go furnished or unfurnished," I told her. Her vote was for unfurnished as "the furnished will not be up to your standards," she declared.
What came next explains why I am sharing this conversation on the day that the upcoming Valentine's Day is the focus.
Again explaining to my girlfriend that my standard is a bed, living room set, fridge and stove, I reminded her that my intention is a "nomadic life." Ever the optimist and always hoping for a relationship for me, she said, "That might change."
"No, it will not. I do not even want a relationship, at least not one that last for longer than I am in town!" Ever the witty one, my friend chimed, "So, what about...?" Preempting her, I cut her off, gesticulating in the air like a weather reporter pointing to various cities on the map: "One in every city!"
I honestly thought she was going to die from laughter. Thankfully, her son was long bored with us to listen to anymore of our conversation as it was strictly adult for the next few minutes.
At my age and with the number of scars on my heart, I am long over Valentine's Day.
The last time there was someone physically in my life to spend the day with, we had a major quarrel on the "Day of Love." To express my growing feelings for him, as well as to say I 'see' him, being the practical romantic that I was, I bought him a few items, including chocolates, a really nice silk shirt and a way too expensive bottle of cologne.
Had he been annoyed at the cost of my gifts, I would have understood. His frustration was with the fact that I had bought him a Valentine's Day gift! "Now I have to get you something," he wailed.
That was the last Valentine's Day penny I will ever spend. It was also my last live-in relationship.
Call me jaded, cynical or both, romantic relationships are not worth my time nor the effort! I have accepted that I am not cut out for them. Since that awesome February 14 event back in 2008, I have had another relationship and I skipped over Valentine's Day. It ended anyway! So the problem is not the event but my inability to settle for cheapskates, liars, users and players.
Does that sound bitter? Not meant to, however, what I have come to accept is that when you have an insatiable capacity to give love, restricting it to one day or even one outlet just does not cut it. This Valentine's Day will be as any other day for me.
My expressions of love and appreciation will flow wastefully. I have been asked what that means. It means to give without expectation of return, to anyone, anywhere without concern of betrayal.
Loving wastefully means to love without strings, supporting the other's growth and being fully prepared to release them. That is what happened with my last Valentine and will happen with the next few - one in every city!
Be Love!
PS.: Be sure to check out the details and book your space for our First Gathering later this year!
Photo Source: smsblaze.com
No comments:
Post a Comment