My mother would use that Jamaican proverb and knock the merriment off my face for most of my young life. Little wonder that I did not end up with a permanently cricked neck due to my constant scanning of the skies, looking up for that darn hawk every time I was having fun.
Happiness was M.I.A in my childhood home.
We were not destitute, although if you listened to my mother it was never far. To me, we were doing just fine. Certainly, we did not have some of the luxuries that I saw other children with but I was never hungry. Scared to eat the food sometimes though because it "was poor people food," and my neighbourhood friends might come over and see it. I was also guilty about eating supper on occasions since the stranger-to-me of a father "never provided it," as my mother would remind me.
On the surface, my childhood might have seemed idyllic to some being the only child and seemingly my mother's pride and joy but that was from the outside. The atmosphere in our house was tense and it felt as if the only time laughter was allowed was when my mother approved of it and was participating in the mirth.
That sense of dread became so much a part of my personality.
It still is but I have learned how to manage it. For years, happiness was a very fleeting experience, one whose presence went as fast as Usain Bolt at the sound of the Starter's gun. Forty years it took for me to finally embrace the concept that I was allowed to be happy - whenever, however and for whatever the heck I chose.
My now friendly ghost, Dread, pays a visit ever so often. Sometimes she manages to make herself a sandwich before I realize she came in. Singing, even with my off key tone, is my remedy for her. Whether she is midway through her meal or I notice her bony behind coming up the driveway, I just start singing.
Not sure if it it is my cracked voice or the volume that I sometimes have to reach for, Dread goes running. "This too shall pass" is another my favourite affirmations. It is my final statement to Dread and my welcome to the peace that passeth all understanding that ensues.
Nowadays, whether there is $10 or $10,000 in my purse, you can never tell. In a relationship, just broke up or in the throes of a budding one, unless you are pretty close to me to know the details, the smile will be the same. Why? Well, I made a conscious decision to look for reasons, examples, signs, etc of things to be happy about. Every morning as I open my eyes, I chose to feel happy.
You see, what I learned over these 40 years is this: "The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give." Want to feel and be happy, give love.
There are still quite a few openings at my workplace, so if you are interested, leave a comment here or hit me up on Facebook or Twitter. Oh, I forgot to mention, in this job, we redirect hawks back to their rightful place. :)
Until tomorrow, have a Happy Friday and love as wastefully as you can.
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