So You Want A Relationship? - Part II

Clara Brown

The Miriam-Webster Dictionary defines "Relationship" in part as, "the way in which two of more people, groups, countries etc., talk to, behave toward and deal with each other."

In our daily lives we are challenged to keep our 'relationships' together.  Why is it so necessary for us to protect what we value?

Being in relations suggests having a oneness in spirit. A spirit that embodies sharing and reciprocity, both of which are to be managed, coerced and treasured for the benefit of maintaining the relationship.

As we go through our life's journey, we become involved in many relationships. While it may not be my own experience, one can hazard a guess that there are persons around who have had thousands of relationships.  Some of these relationships may have been recorded as "good," while some may record "bad" experiences.

We were created to co-exist, to have a relationship(s) with each other. There are some biblical guidelines that seek to foster having health and God-like relationships. Some cynics will perhaps say, that having a relationship with the persons we profess to love is  overrated.  In reality, it is difficult to have a relationship with even our own 'blood relation'.  Some relationships with family members are damaged beyond repair.  Surely, the guidelines handed down via the Ten Commandments anticipate that there is none among us, humans who is infallible?

Inspite of the numbers of relationships that one has, there are some that are more important than others.

Image: theinkprosblog

What are the most important relationships that you have?


On impulse, my answer to this question, would perhaps be that the most important relationship I have is with my son, Jared.

Putting more thought into it, the most correct or appropriate response would be MYSELF!

"How so?" You may ask. 

Don't judge me or jump to conclusions that I am selfish by this response as is the practice when a person answers in this way. People are frequently criticized for being selfish for being in love with themselves.  However, my rejoinder to that is: "If one does not lather oneself with love then that person will enter a relationship with a major deficiency."

Putting a high value on self-love will certainly invoke a high return. In other words, when you place a high value on yourself, people will invariably value you more.  Loving and caring about yourself first means that you are confident about your worth, that you are quite aware of your value and who you are. We wrote on this very topic in Part One of this article.

"When you love yourself for who you are, you turn into the one you love.  This in turn will allow you to love and care for the people who matter most to you." Anonymous

Another important relationship will most likely be with your 'back-watchers' or your Main-squeeze.  Back-watchers could range from your family, friends to your professional colleagues. These are the people in your life that are most important to you and you to them. While you are in a relationship with them, depending on the 'connection', the relating will be different for and with each person.

I have experienced (and I am sure you have too) much closer relationship with others outside of my own family.  I have also found much more caring and loving relationships with persons who are not my 'blood relatives'.

Irrespective of the connection, one must recognize that in every relationship, there are two sides to each of us.  At times we are nice and at times we are mean. At times we are happy and at times sad. At times we are giving and another time we are takers, generous and not too generous, supportive and not too supportive.

What is most important being in a 'relationship' is to be accepting and embracing of the other person.  The most loving and long lasting relationships are those where the parties embrace both sides of the other person. As John Legend so aptly puts it, "loving your perfect imperfections"

I remember a heated discussion with some kindred spirits recently during which I made the point that "one hand cannot clap." By this I meant that being in a one-sided relationship is futile. It is a relationship heading to No-man's land and a reason why relationships end. Such relationships serve neither party in the short or long term.

Text messaging, Twitter and other short form social media writing have introduced some 'buzz terms' to our lingua. Terms such as "bestie" or "Soulmate" or BFF (Best Friend Forever).  All of these terms, whichever you choose to describe your own relationship, connote a certain CONNECTION.

BFF's: Claudette & Clara

BFF or bestie, your relationships serve you in one or more ways. They could support your mission, your passion or your purpose.  Some relationships will involve a deep 'soul connection'. For example, I have a Soulmate who think a lot like me. She can always predict my 'next step' and I hers.  We often finish each other's sentence and I have often declared how 'afraid' I am of the connection.  Yup, the connection is frightening at times.

It is not my opinion that soulmate is equivalent to sexual partner. It is not necessarily a 'romantic involvement'. The connection between 'soulmates' can be different and yes, one can have many 'soulmates' - all supporting different aspects of your existence.

What are the keys to "good" relating?

1. Cultivating a LOVING relationship with yourself is paramount.
2. Embracing that each person in a relationship have two (2) sides.
3. Understanding that in order for a relationship to thrive, there has to be a connecting point and it must be nurtured.

Take a look at your relationships and see if these three elements are present. If they are or are not, my advice to maintain or create great relationships is: stay connected, love yourself, love others and appreciate all of you and the wonderful people that you come across in your life.

Let the love of self burn through your being and bring light and happiness  to the relationships that you form.

Be blessed and have an awesome relating day!

Clara Brown is a regular Guest Author and an Insurance Executive. She lives in St. Andrew, Jamaica with her spouse and son.