A Few Choice Tips For Grandparents

"It is a grand thing to be a mother of a mother---that's why the world calls her grandmother"- Anonymous

Clara Brown

Many grandparents today are stepping in to raise their grandchildren when the childrens' own parents are not able or willing to do so. In fact, according to the US Census Statistics (2000), over 4.5 million households in that country are headed by grandparents.

I have always felt that grandparents are supposed to play a key role in the "Kingdom of Grandchildrenship." As a grateful beneficiary (my brothers and I) of some high levels of grandparentship, the value of having such a relationship is not lost on me.

Memories of my hairdo courtesy of my willing and beautiful grandmother still make me shudder. When I complained, she would remind me, "Chile, yuh hair is yuh beauty, so it caan comb ugly!" (Translation: Child, your hair is your beauty so it cannot be uglily combed)

For me, "Ugly" meant "Nubian Knots" or "Chiney Bumps." We were not amused with our grandparents cosmetology skills. Oh, I didn't mention that when my hair was 'washed', notice I did not use the more modern term 'shampooed', this was a process that could take two days!

Many years after her passing, the cravings for her sweet-tooth culinary delights of coconut drops, gizzadas, and grater cakes, still lingered. Childish joy fills me when I recall Church Harvests preparations and the aroma of boiled sugar wafting through the house from the outdoor, wood-burning oven that my grandmother used.

"What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars of pleasure." Gene Perret

The value of the grandparents' input  cannot be underestimated or disregarded.  Some of us will be forever grateful.  Due to circumstances beyond parental control, by their absence or inability to raise their children, grandparents are often the ones who will step in. Raising a second generation brings many rewards, develop deeper relationships as well as keep the family together. As with direct parenting, grandparenting comes with its own level of challenges.

My mother technically 'never left home'.  My grandfather died when I was three years old so I do not remember much of him.  Grandma died in my High School years.  My mother was a workoholic, as such the adult who was constantly at home, sweeping, polishing and cooking our meals was Grandma.  She was also a self-acclaimed songstress; so in tune and out of tune, she would bellow her favourite hymns as she did the chores.  What amazes me to this day is that she could find a hymn or song befitting every event or circumstance.

Image: 55places.com

"A grandmother is a baby sitter who watches the kids instead of the television"....Author Unknown

The prospect of raising grandchildren is bound to trigger a range of emotions.  As the mother of a tweenager, it is very evident to me that this era is so different from the one I grew up in. I try to instill some of the old and valuable lessons taught to me by my mother and grandmother.  Of course, he constantly resists and reminds me how much different things were in MY time from now.

I have discussed this "time difference " issue with grandparents who are now saddled with being primary caretakers of their children's children.  In addition to the positive emotions of love which they feel, there are also the emotions associated with fear of failure, doubts and misgivings about their capability to raise children in these times and the feeling of ambivalence about child-rearing at a time when these responsibilities ought to be dwindling.

Those who did not refuse to assume the full responsibilities of parenting another generation, can get so caught up taking care of their charges that they neglect to take care of themselves.

My advice to grandparents at any level of participation, is do not get so preoccupied with your wards' lives that you let your own needs fall by the wayside.

Image: ohio.edu

TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS A NECESSITY, NOT A LUXURY!  

In order to keep up with your grand-kids, you need to be calm, focused and looking after your own mental and physical health. If you are a GRAND-parent, I have some tips for you:

• Take care of your own health. Unless you are in good physical shape, you will not be able to take care of the grandchildren:
• Make ME-Time for rest and relaxation.  This is essential to avoid burnout.  Remember, you have already raised one generation  of children. There are no Super GRANDma's or GRANDpa's. Use this ME-time to really do fun things away from the GRANDones.
• It is OK to ask for assistance from your grandchildren. They are smarter and more capable than we often give them credit. Helping out will also make your grand kids feel good, trusted and learn responsibility.

You did your lead role already having your children. Now you are a supporting actor/actress. Never feel guilty for remembering that and playing your Oscar-worthy role!

Share your tips with other grandparents here or on our Facebook page and do enjoy your grandies!