Me...An Apologist For Rapists?

Claudette Esterine

A woman told me off yesterday. She said that I am an apologist for rapists (men) and seemingly in need of reminding of the injustices that women suffer.

Her tirade came as a result of my refusal to be placed in her box.

Obviously she did not know that I do not do boxes. It matters not to me whether you are male, female, black, white or if you are buttering my bread!

I will just get another slice and eat it dry!

An article in DOS Weekly on female genital mutilation caused this woman to start chewing coals. More so, my refusal to take an hard line position one way or another. I did little to endear myself to her with my also refusing to say that a woman has no responsibility in protecting herself from date rape.

When I started the DOS Facebook group almost four years ago now, I was very clear that not only was it for women only but only for "big" women. By that I meant women mature in experience and willingness to share each other's journey.

Image: sydnestyles.com

Today, DOS is much smaller in numbers than when we started. Some women chose to leave and others removed. What we have now is a tight-knit community of women, each with her own opinion on a myriad of a issues but willingly support her DOS Sistahs no matter what.

Some are bible-thumping Christians, others are church goers and still more who follow some crazy mix of spirituality and Christianity. We have married Sistahs, those who are still hoping to marry and those who have said "Hell no!"

We are black, white, Asian-mix, Native American and in between.

Mothers, aunties, grandmothers and childless women are among us. Those who think abortion is morally wrong and others who had one. Women who have loved only men and those who have given more than a second glance at another woman.

DOS is a Sistahood of women who have chosen each other and like in any family, we have our differences. However, we seek to understand each other rather than compete or be condescending towards one another.

That was the attempt made on me yesterday by this female group moderator. Her labelling of me, a survivor of multiple childhood sexual abuse and sexual assaults, as an apologist for rapists was laughable.

People often wonder why I seem so publicly open but allow very few in my inner space. Here is the answer.

My mess has always been my message. I share it freely but not with the intention of changing anyone. Rather, my aim is to let any girl, child, woman and even man reading my story know that:

1. They are not alone
2. They can and will survive and thrive if they so choose
3. Hate yields nothing more than a whole pile more of itself
4. Love, self-love and the unconditional love of others, will ease all pain

The reason why few are in my inner space is that only angels can help you, sit with you without judgment during the dark night of your soul.

Furthermore, few are the Eagles where I fly.

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Namaste