Tuesday 28 January 2014

So You Want A Relationship?

So you want a relationship? What are you BEING to attract one?

You read right. What are you being to attract your next relationship is a very crucial question to ask yourself. There is a song that says "pretty looks isn't all," and that is so true when you are wanting to be in a meaningful relationship. Pay attention to the key words used here: "being" and "meaningful."

You are either considered beautiful or not according to society's standards. Looking gorgeous, super-model slim with a booty to go with that will most certainly get you attention, many catcalls and numerous telephone numbers. If what you "want" is a relationship that is full of meaning, one in which you are both growing to the fullest of your individual potentials while nurturing each other, your family and home, then you will need more than looks.

To have that kind of relationship, you have to "be" all the qualities you want in the relationship. We have discussed this before, but it bears repeating.

So many people, men and women alike, enter relationships on the basis that:
  • The person holding their attention is 'hot', very attractive, well groomed, etc 
  • The individual possesses material things that they want (money, car, house etc) or the potential to get them (status, job) 
Physical attributes are well and good when considering a mate. In most instances, there has to be 'something' that catches the eye. The challenge is going beyond what meets the eyes. That requires you knowing who you are and being discerning about who comes into your presence.

We attract who we are, through the 'vibes' that we emit.

It is the law and it operates in the same manner regarding abundance, career/job, friends, relationships - in every area of our lives. Our emotion laced thoughts are the signals that we send out, calling to ourselves the potential "lovers." Whatever you are focussed on, whatever are your predominant thoughts and feelings about yourself, your life and relationships - those will determine who comes to party with you.

Your last relationship was a bummer. Actually the last few were. Loneliness is setting in, all your friends are in relationships never mind that some are full of drama. You have certain criteria that the new love must meet because you are not "settling" this time (really). He/she must be:
  1. Holding down a 'decent' job 
  2. Kind and able to pay his/her own way 
  3. Faithful to you and no baby mama drama 
  4. A car owner and not still living with his mother 
  5. Able to hold a conversation and is fun to be around 
  6. Well dressed at all times (except when nude) and is very easy on the eyes 
Sounds fair enough but the real question is - what underpins these criteria that you have set out? 

Hurt, anger, embarrassment, mistrust and pride because the last date(s) turned out to be a Mama's boy(s) who could neither keep a job or buy you a big deal meal? His car was in the shop more than on the road, he dressed like a clown to your office party and if that was not embarrassing enough, his idea of being funny was telling x-rated jokes all night to the head of HR!

Truth be told, this last love or two were reflections of you!

That is a bitter pill to swallow but here is my story:
I met him a couple years after the devastating break up of a long term relationship. Although reluctant to get back on the dating scene, I bowed to the pressure of close friends and my daughter that it was time to 'get a life'. The two years were spent in therapy, counselling, deep reflection and self-evaluation. The missteps were identified, along with the deep-rooted childhood/family issues that trailed and plagued my interpersonal and intimate relating up to that point, the 40th year of my life.

Sure, I was ready and after kissing a few frogs, the man who would hold up to me a huge mirror, reflecting the issues that were still unresolved, appeared. When the relationship fell apart a few years later, all the blame was initially laid at his feet. Once I was able to move beyond the obvious, it became clear to me that I was not yet 'being who I wanted to be in relationship with'.

Certainly, your ex (and mine) was not the person you thought they were but neither were you.

The Universe never fails. It brought you (and I) the perfect matches, not to who we say we are or want but to what we were vibrating. These 'matches' come into your life or you into theirs to teach what is required for further expansion. Some lessons take a long time to learn and others are easier to understand. This is why some relationships lasts for years as the parties are still learning together.

Others end earlier, when you and/or the individual have served the intended purpose, the mutual learning/growing has come to an end or one party "got it," and decides to move on. They move on through break up/divorce or death.

Life is a big school and we are all here to grow and expand into all we can be. In order to stop taking the same relationship class repeatedly, before entering your next one, do your homework!  Dig deep, get help if necessary to evaluate and reevaluate yourself, your thoughts and what you are feeling. Do not rush the process and unpack your baggage as best as possible. Most important, be the person you want to have a relationship with and watch what happens.

Feel free to drop me a line, comment here or on our Facebook page. You may follow us on Twitter as well. Have fun today and continue to be blessed!


Photo Source: khyatikothari.com

No comments:

Post a Comment