Five Essentials To An Enjoyable Relationship

Some loved me, others detested me but one thing for sure, it was hard to ignore me. I take no great pride in the fact that I speak my mind. What pleases me, however, is that over the years my ability to temper my words have heightened.

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Back then, in my university years at a Catholic educational institution, whatever my opinion was I had no qualms about sharing them. One such opinion that I often repeated was that I would never, ever confess to any of the "boys" in my class.

First of all, I had nothing to confess. Secondly, even if I did, I was sure none of those virginal-seminarians could handle my stories. It was and remains my firm belief that one has to walk the path to tell or hear the tale.

If I needed advice on sex and how to pleasure a partner, frankly I would be consulting a porn-star.

My last and final wedding

Being true to that belief, if you need advice on having a successful marriage or long term relationship, I am not the person to consult. Married several times for as many differing reasons but never truly for love - I have no idea what it means to be in such a union. My longest relationship lasted 16 years and my ex dumped me soon after my thoughts went to finally legalizing our coupling.

I am no relationship expert by any stretch of the imagination. What I am, however, is a woman with a past that might shed some light on how to be in the most perfect love. Having been engulfed by feelings for another that is usually called love, I have learned that that really is not the heart of a great relationship.

What do I mean? Well, I have observed women of various socioeconomic backgrounds turning themselves into acrobats both in and out of the bedroom for the sake of their partners. I watch in utter amusement as these woman cook, clean, care for their babies and try to convince their men to love them.

It is painful to watch. Pitiful even. 

My first experience of this was with my mother. In her own rights, she was a strong woman but all that strength would be left at the gate of our rented house as she hurried in to make and serve dinner to her cheating husband. He would be given the prime cuts or most of whatever meat she could afford to purchase. Dishes he would never clear from the table nor would he do laundry.

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My mother and many women that I watched - and still see to this day - behave as if the survival of the relationship rested on their shoulders. The men were never "taught" by these women how to treat them respectfully, equally or lovingly.

They were engulfed by the burden of a one-sided love.

This is not to demean or dismiss the woman who serves her family in a tender, nurturing and life-enhancing kind of way. What I am referring to her are the situations when the relationship is more of an albatross, pulling the woman down and sucking (usually slowly) the life out of her.

That was never my experience, granted I never stayed long enough to allow that to happen. Once the nonsense began, as I prefer to call the inequalities of the relationships described earlier, I am out of there. Come hell or high water, I am not being sucked or dragged in or down.

Despite the bitter end of my longest relationship, I enjoyed what we had. It actually has been the standard that no other "involvement" that I have had to date has matched. In my non-expert opinion, you can honestly say that you enjoy your relationship, in spite of any challenges you face as a couple, when:

1. You continue to grow spiritually together
2. Shared interests bring delight but individual interests bring spice
3. You support each others dreams but can share your honest opinions about possible pitfalls
4. Extended family remains important but your time together is paramount
5. Sex forms the physical expression of your spiritual connection

Obviously I missed the mark on at least one of these key elements of an enjoyable relationship. Feel free to ask me which! Lol. Leave your question and comments here or visit my coaching page where many other tips and stories on this and other topics are shared.

Namaste,

Claudette