A Sexy New World Is Emerging! Yippee!

What is your problem with sex?

Yes, you.

Just about everyone seems to have a problem with sex, even those "doing it," or "having it," constantly. Myself included.

My problem, my current problem, with sex is that I am not getting enough.

Shocked? Do not be.

At 50 years of age, legally married and divorced couple times in the eyes of society, lived and loved in a same sex relationship for 16 years prude, I am not. Highly comfortable now with my sexuality, there is no qualm or fear in me to declare that my sex life sucks right now.

Otherwise, I have no problem with sex. It is not a sin once three provisos that I mentioned in an essay back in September 23, 2014 are met. If not, then it can be a mistake:

1. With the wrong person
2. When participated in at an inopportune time
3. Engaged in exchange for financial or other material benefit

To be in touch with one's sexuality, to be honest about it and who you are sexually can be the most scary venture in a world rammed into a sex-containment bunker by the Church and organised religion in general. Bruce Jenner, is proving that as the new poster boy turning woman of my beloved transgendering community.

Digressing just a bit. Years ago, I had a huge crush on a "transgendering" man. (Forgive me if I am not current with the correct terms - my love is real though). We never got beyond sitting beside each other at a seminar then having lunch together in - of all the places - a church hall! This was no ordinary church. I was a guest presenter at a diversity forum held at a United Church of Canada gathering in Saskatchewan.

As we move into this new age, evolving with The Universe, that is what it will take - no ordinary:

• Faith
• Trust
• People

to ensure that our deepest, most meaningful expression of love is unleashed and unfettered.

Surviving childhood sexual abuse and rape as I have, I know what a challenge it is to find one's true sensual voice. Mine was suffocated and covered, literally and figuratively, for years as those who would have their way with my body sought to silence my screams and protest.

The stifling continued for decades, as my sense of who I am - a sexual being - was barred behind the memories of the violation and my mother's idea of who a woman should be in relating with men.

Only in my 40's the true me started to emerge, after the agonising memories faded, the heartbreak of losing my best friend and lover eased and I finally was able to step into the allness of my femininity and sexuality.

My daughter and I today can have the most casual but deep woman-to-woman conversations about sex and sexuality. This is a gift that has arrived not one minute too soon. I am sure there are thousands if not millions of young people grappling with their sexuality in all its expressions who would greatly benefit from open conversations.

It is my view, as a woman with a past imagining a very different future for all, that the sooner the lesser known, the ordinary Bruce Jenners, Ellen DeGeneres, Samantha Jones, Jason Collins, et al can claim their right to be without fanfare or threat of death, annihilation or isolation - the closer to the most beautiful garden our world will be - varied, diverse, rich in colour and texture. Beautiful!

In the meanwhile, I am here to listen to you should you need unprofessional but caring support as you seek to embrace your sexuality and express yourself sexually. Comment here or private message me through email or Facebook.

Be blessed, be you - beautiful

Five Essentials To An Enjoyable Relationship

Some loved me, others detested me but one thing for sure, it was hard to ignore me. I take no great pride in the fact that I speak my mind. What pleases me, however, is that over the years my ability to temper my words have heightened.

Source: pinterest.com

Back then, in my university years at a Catholic educational institution, whatever my opinion was I had no qualms about sharing them. One such opinion that I often repeated was that I would never, ever confess to any of the "boys" in my class.

First of all, I had nothing to confess. Secondly, even if I did, I was sure none of those virginal-seminarians could handle my stories. It was and remains my firm belief that one has to walk the path to tell or hear the tale.

If I needed advice on sex and how to pleasure a partner, frankly I would be consulting a porn-star.

My last and final wedding

Being true to that belief, if you need advice on having a successful marriage or long term relationship, I am not the person to consult. Married several times for as many differing reasons but never truly for love - I have no idea what it means to be in such a union. My longest relationship lasted 16 years and my ex dumped me soon after my thoughts went to finally legalizing our coupling.

I am no relationship expert by any stretch of the imagination. What I am, however, is a woman with a past that might shed some light on how to be in the most perfect love. Having been engulfed by feelings for another that is usually called love, I have learned that that really is not the heart of a great relationship.

What do I mean? Well, I have observed women of various socioeconomic backgrounds turning themselves into acrobats both in and out of the bedroom for the sake of their partners. I watch in utter amusement as these woman cook, clean, care for their babies and try to convince their men to love them.

It is painful to watch. Pitiful even. 

My first experience of this was with my mother. In her own rights, she was a strong woman but all that strength would be left at the gate of our rented house as she hurried in to make and serve dinner to her cheating husband. He would be given the prime cuts or most of whatever meat she could afford to purchase. Dishes he would never clear from the table nor would he do laundry.

Source: pinterest.com

My mother and many women that I watched - and still see to this day - behave as if the survival of the relationship rested on their shoulders. The men were never "taught" by these women how to treat them respectfully, equally or lovingly.

They were engulfed by the burden of a one-sided love.

This is not to demean or dismiss the woman who serves her family in a tender, nurturing and life-enhancing kind of way. What I am referring to her are the situations when the relationship is more of an albatross, pulling the woman down and sucking (usually slowly) the life out of her.

That was never my experience, granted I never stayed long enough to allow that to happen. Once the nonsense began, as I prefer to call the inequalities of the relationships described earlier, I am out of there. Come hell or high water, I am not being sucked or dragged in or down.

Despite the bitter end of my longest relationship, I enjoyed what we had. It actually has been the standard that no other "involvement" that I have had to date has matched. In my non-expert opinion, you can honestly say that you enjoy your relationship, in spite of any challenges you face as a couple, when:

1. You continue to grow spiritually together
2. Shared interests bring delight but individual interests bring spice
3. You support each others dreams but can share your honest opinions about possible pitfalls
4. Extended family remains important but your time together is paramount
5. Sex forms the physical expression of your spiritual connection

Obviously I missed the mark on at least one of these key elements of an enjoyable relationship. Feel free to ask me which! Lol. Leave your question and comments here or visit my coaching page where many other tips and stories on this and other topics are shared.

Namaste,

Claudette

Sex, Please And Thank You

Me, I want it. Sex.

Well just as much as I want to love and be loved.

Prude I am not. Neither am I too spiritual, biblical or religious to deny my physical need. Yes, sex is a need and I will most certainly not agree with any arguments otherwise. It is also a desire – in which case or on which occasion it might be better to say, it can be postponed.

This I know for sure – a sexless marriage is a dead marriage. Again I am not willing to debate this as I have lived it, observed others who have – both informally and clinically.

Sex is not a sin.

My attempt here is to be clear not controversial. Being real is my way of operating and at no point in time will I ever be hypocritical to woo an audience or in this case readership.

Sex is not a sin. It can be a mistake:

• With the wrong person
• When participated in at an inopportune time
• Engaged in exchange for financial or other material benefit

Sex outside of marriage – here I go – is not a crime: moral or otherwise.

Sex without deep emotional attachment can be fun but can be painful for one or both parties.

Children, teenagers and even emotionally unstable people ought not to engage in sexual acts until they are of age, mentally prepared for the inevitable responsibilities and/or emotionally capable of handling the act not going past what it is – an act.

Love and sex combined form a most splendorous expression. Yet, speaking for myself and all those who are too shy to, you can deeply love someone (husband, wife, lifelong partner) but sex between you has lost its zest.

Is this straight talk enough for you? Well share your view with us here or on our Facebook page. For the record, sometimes short in many things, including a blog post and sex, can be very interesting and exciting.

Have a great night!

Can Boys Be Coerced Into Sex? - Daughters of Sheba Weekly 10th Edition

This is the 10th edition of our Weekly and as always our stories are carefully selected to meet the interest of women all over! Our featured story and in fact our headline stories this week focus on sex and sexuality.

The main story asks the question: “Can Boys Be ‘Coerced’ Into Sex?” and points to the results of a new study, “which reveal that they are being coerced into sex by girls and young women, will surprise many.”

Continuing in this vein, we also highlight stories and reports on porn and empowerment, the future of sex and travel, health and leisure activities for women. Read it here

Do You Like Sex?

By the end of the day, someone will most certainly point me to texts on the "History of Sexual Repression." As well, there will be messages regarding biblical passages that outline all of the dictates around sexual relations.

Both types of references will be appreciated albeit unnecessary. Why? Well, in my view #Sex - the why's, when's, with whom and where of the act - is totally personal.

Having a moral compass that guides interpersonal relationships is a wonderful if not necessary thing. The question becomes, however, who sets the compass? 

For centuries, sex, sexuality and sensuality have been guided and in fact controlled by the Church. Some blame it on the Catholic faith, others simply lay blame at the feet of men generally.

"Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!" George Bernard Shaw 

We all do it but somehow it is the #Sexuality and sexual expression of #Women that have been subject to power and control. The sexual exploits of men, while 'scandalous' for those in office in the United States mainly, is quietly seen as a mark of their prowess.

I love sex. I embrace my sexuality in all its expressions and manifestations. My sensuality is what makes me the woman that I am - warm, caring, nurturing and self-assured. Does any of that make me or any woman who feel as I do wanton hussies? Absolutely not.

People go out if their way to make distinctions between having sex and making love. For the most part, I try not to do so because even with the person who has my heart, there are times we 'have sex' and other times when we 'make love'.

What experience, mistakes, age and maturity have taught me is:

• My sexuality and sensuality are nothing to be ashamed of. 
• My femininity is to be embraced but not suffocate me 
• Sex appeal cannot be bought at the designer clothing store, spa or had through wearing Christian Louboutin shoes. 
• Strutting half naked is way less attractive than showing that I have a brain and know how to use it. 

The most important and valuable of all lessons though is knowing that my body is mine, the temple of the Being that I represent and Who - not the Church or any other human - will guide me how to express its Love. 

So whether having sex or making love, the essence remains the same - the act is a combination of souls seeking to release, channel and share the beauty within. Many in their shortsightedness and soulless lust, often miss this point and instead see the act as a way to control and exert power.

"The overriding message: for many, sexuality is emerging from the realm of guilt and sin and becoming instead a divine blessing and a way to reach new, transcendent heights." Holly Lebowitz Rossi

Share your thoughts with me by leaving a comment, messaging on our Facebook page or send us a tweet.

Have a sexy day!