Tuesday 11 March 2014

The Gift of Goodbye

Afraid to leave the cocoon of my darkened apartment and terrified to return to the loneliness of it when I did.

That was my dilemma when the 16-year relationship ended. 

It was just after Thanksgiving, eight days to be exact, when my longtime partner and common-law spouse by Canadian law, up and left. I knew on the day of gratitude that it was finally over but somewhere in my mind the thought lurked that we could once again pull back from the brink.

No. It was done, finished, ended and after a week of begging (me) and bargaining (me again), my ex left for work and never returned.

High drama ensued with me (of course) assuming the role of lead actress. My ex was having none of it and, now I can admit, fed up with me called the security to get me off company property.

Every person who has ever been dumped knows the strategies to employ to change his/her status back to wifey or hubby. Well, I developed some new ones. None worked, thankfully!

You read correctly; I did write thankfully because my failure to relaunch a dead relationship was the best lesson for me. When it is dead, it is dead. Bury it, burn the souvenirs if needs be and bloom again.

Bloom - that is exactly what happened to me.

After two suicide attempts, I burned every picture, every love letter and card from my ex and went into therapy. With the help of my therapist, spiritual director and close friends my flower started to open.

For me the issues were codependency and abandonment. My ex was very much engaged in the dysfunctional dance with me but the abandonment issue was all mine.

Was it easy finding me again? No, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. In fact, I was finding Claudette for the first time!

That was the gift of goodbye. 

It has been eight years now and that gift has served me very well. I have been in few relationships since then and when it was time to end them, I am sure the other parties wondered whether they had a relationship with me. They did; we did but I no longer needed another human being to validate my existence.

I was dumped once again in those years, in a voice message of all things, and I merely smiled. Did it hurt? Sure but as Regina Belle sang, not for long because I knew I could live my life without him.

What about you? Are you ready to face a brand new You, a brand new world after him/her? Talk with me in our comment section or on Facebook. You can also tweet me and I will be sure to respond.

Continue to heal. Continue to love. That is the best way to you!

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