Upper or Downer: Which Are You?

Guilty.

Before being accused let me raise my hand and enter my guilty plea.

"Let he that has no guilt cast the first stone," it is said, therefore I cannot and will not.

That, however, does not prevent me from stating that negativity is the poison ivy of any relationship.

My desire in life has been for some time now is to be an "uplifter." However, I quickly learned that my chosen  "job" would of necessity have to start in me. One of my favourite analogies is that of being on an aircraft and the steward or stewardess directs you to put on your oxygen mask first before assisting the child on your lap, for example. Why? You can be of no help to that child if you cannot breathe. Simple.

Another hackneyed phrase that I like is "Physician heal thyself."

After living most of my life in negative, even toxic environments well into my 30's, it became clear to me through the teaching of my former church home, The Universal Centre of Truth for Better Living, that if the rest of my life was to be the best of my life - then the change, peace must begin in me.

Claudette Estetine

Change is a gradual process and it would take me 10+ years and two suicide attempts after hearing this "truth" for the first time to start making a concerted effort.

Actually, the correct word would be that I became "intentional" about 'Positivity'. I am still walking the line, often stepping over into the 'dark side." Even today my daughter scolded me as we lunched together. I commented on my upcoming death and she rebuked me that I am always, according to her, predicting my early demise.

The difference now is I have an internal kicking mechanism that automatically delivers a swift one as soon as negativity crosses my mind. I am knocked out when it passes my lips. 

Some people think I am either cold or stupid when they begin to tell me their tales of woe, litany of health "problems," and attempt to gossip. Again, I fall into the trap sometimes and most often with my daughter - especially on the gossip. I would rather call it a mother's warning to her much loved child to be mindful of her interactions. She told me today, "I am not discussing her with you!" This was after I laughingly remarked how much weight one of her friends had gained. Honestly, I did not immediately recognize it as gossip but as soon as she said it the "kick was delivered.

I intentionally do not engage with others when they want to list problems, woe, bad luck and the gamut of negativity that we so love to share. Like attracts like and I want none of it. I am grateful to my daughter for stopping me in my tracks today. Negativity is like that glue trap that we set for mice. Once on, it is hard to get loose.

“People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense, fear, and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to feed you their negativity, please remember that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you into positive action.” ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

My cousin who lives in Australia and who I am yet to meet face to face is my best gal pal. We are thicker than peas in a pod. She and I can chat for hours on Facebook Messenger then transfer to the telephone without skipping a beat and go on for a couple more hours. We share the most delicate details of our lives. She knows things about me that people who see me every day would never imagine that I am capable of doing or being. The same is true of her - I have knowledge about her that maybe another human should not have! Our connection is simply amazing. As we converse via whichever medium, once one of us veers off track into negativity zone, the other grabs her arm and pulls her back onto the dividing line at least.

What I love about my relationship with Beth is whenever I truly need to bitch and/or bawl - in one of the most beautiful Ozzie accents you have ever heard, she brings me back to centre. I remember a few months ago, on the verge of giving up and unable to tell even my other Sistahs of DOS or others who would swear they know me, it was Beth who held my hand; fearlessly but gently spoke truth to me in words that I needed to hear. She was my uplifter.

“Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being.” ― Albert Schweitzer

I like to think that I do the same for my cousin, as well as for others. After all, it is the mission for the rest of my life. Sometimes, I fall short - we all do. Yet, after every fall, I rise stronger and more focussed on the lesson and a more grace-filled way of moving forward.

Are you an upper or downer? Do you know when to stop talking and simply be there for another? Have you learnt the art of being an uplifter without merely parroting platitudes? Share with us here or on our Facebook page.

Have a great rest of the week!

Namaste