Love: Thy Will Be Done

Claudette Esterine

"Thy will, not mine." Is that a 'prayer' you have uttered? If you have, is there a time or situation in which you do so the most?

In my case, this re-commitment prayer is usually invoked when things are Topsy-Turvy and I have too many choices to make. Really close friends will tell you never to ask me what I would like to eat when my sugar level has dropped. Bordering on delusional and hallucinatory, it could take me hours to answer that question. Just feed me whatever you think best - it is in your hands.

The same is true in those turning point moments. With many choices or possible roads to take, there are times when confusion sets in. For many years, my choice would be the one that makes "the other" happy; the one for the relationship; the one that earns me the most money or the choice in the interest of the child.

Fear has a way of urging you to choose against yourself.

Afraid of being alone, broke, with no friends or, worse yet no family, we tend to make choices that does not consider our own hearts. We choose loving others over ourselves. "I can do that later," is often the consolation we give our hearts.

Maybe

Image: godisheart.blogspot.com

you can but is that the most loving thing to do?

"You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don't know it, all of that doesn't even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away."
C. JoyBell C.

Here is an irony: the greatest lesson in loving oneself was taught to me by my ex! I was told that I was being dumped as the pursuit of self was most important at the time.

It took me a couple suicide attempts, financial loss due to the breakup, several horrible dates and a disastrous marriage to a man with serious mental health issues I knew not of prior to tying the knot, for the lesson to sink in!

Finally I had enough! Tired of trying to make ends meet, living to suit others and ensure their safety and wellbeing and moving on fully from the memories of my greatest teacher of Love, I decided to give Me first shot at my heart.

Since then, I have stumbled, people have come into my experience with ulterior motives and so-called family who abandoned me for 30+ years reappeared heralding their love. Yet, I am managing to remain focussed, keeping my eyes as fixed as possible in the mirror.

Even as this is being written, another choice is before me. I heard myself muttering the words: "Thy Will be done, not mine." This time there is a difference.

I really do mean it!

Share your experience with me regarding your ability to unselfishly put you first. Sounds paradoxical in a world that teaches us self-sacrifice. However, as on an aircraft, if you don't put on the oxygen (love) mask first, you are of no use to anyone.

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Continue to have a love-filled day!

Claudette Esterine is the Founder of Daughters of Sheba Foundation and Editor of our blog. She is a Jamaican-Canadian and a Free Spirit.