Wanted: Friends With Benefits - Dating Part 3

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“Hey, long time no see! How have you been?”

You are standing by while your date hails a buddy.

“So how’s the job? You’re still at the same place?”

The conversation goes on for a few minutes with both of them catching up on work, World Cup and the latest repairs they had done on their cars.

“Give me a call, the number’s the same!” says your date as he fist bumps his mate.

And still, you were not introduced.

Why should you have been? You are not his wife, his girlfriend or anything really. You are the FWB.

Friend With Benefits (FWB) – that is your raison d’etre for being by this man's side which means you do not necessarily have to be:

• Introduced to his pals
• Be taken home for dinner with his family
• Have the car door open for you
• Called the next day after having a night of passionate sex

Yup, FWB’s are not extended those courtesies – or are they?

Claudette Esterine

Do not ask me as for all my experience being a Friend With Benefit is not one – yet. Or have I been? Have you?

The Urban Dictionary describes the FWB ‘set-up’ as:

“Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.”

Is that even possible – having a “sexual relationship without being emotionally involved?” A prostitute (male or female) with a John maybe but in my experience anyone who I ascribe the label “friend” to our connection, I am most certainly emotionally involved on some level with him/her!

A fellow invited me to have such a ‘situation’ with him – actually two.

In the first instance, the individual tried to be coy about it. He used other words, code words for basically for the same thing. My response to him was that I have no desire to be anyone’s booty call, at least not knowingly. I say “not knowingly” as I know of a fact many women (maybe men as well) who are indeed “booty stops” but do not know that they are! That is my giving them credit on the naivety scale as what else can you be when the call to “hang out” comes late Friday night when even the funeral homes are long closed and their clients put back on ice?

There are women who are FWB’s without either agreeing to be in the ‘situation’ or knowing that they are. They actually think they are “the one,” when buddy has “Wifey” or at least a candidate elsewhere – maybe even across distant shores. That was the case with the one who wanted an “uncomplicated” arrangement with me. He was dispatched post haste as this honey plays second fiddle to no one.

Fast forward a few weeks and I was rethinking my understanding and position on this FWB ‘situation’. Questioning my own outlook on relationships right now, I had to wonder whether I was too hasty. I have no desire to:

1. Marry
2. Co-habit
3. Agree to anything longer than a daily renewal

Was I not then looking for an FWB?

The difference may be in the semantics. Anyone in my bed must be a friend. So that takes care of the “F” part.  My propensity to care deeply for people challenges the other part of the equation – I am emotionally involved with my friends and will give them just about any “B” – benefit – that would enhance their and my life!

My question therefore is simple. Is FWB situation a ‘crime’ prevention measure, with the offense being “falling in love?”

I really do not have the answer to my own question – so would appreciate hearing back from you, our readers. Have you ever been in an FWB ‘situation’? Would you get in one, if you have never been in? What about it appeals to or displeases you?

Read Part 2 in this our series on dating in a new age and leave a comment here or on our Facebook page. Please follow us on Twitter as well at least unravel this puzzle.

Have a great rest of the day!