Button Pushing You!

Wednesday and so as always we have an audio blog. Do listen here.

Transcript

I used to sport those “button down” outfits but found that as maturity sets in, I have little taste for them anymore. Why? Well I really do not like having them pushed, pulled or even noticed!

My tummy tends to be on the puffy side…even when I was much younger. It is simply the shape of my body and no matter if I were inclined to do the requisite abdominal presses or whatever it is that one does to get a washboard ab, it just would not happen for me. So, wearing those button down dresses really does not work for me as my tummy and somewhat of a “high chest” would put a strain on them – drawing more attention to my “weak” spots than anything else.

The same is true of my emotional make up. For years, my emotional buttons were very much on display and person after person simply could not resist pushing them!

Or was it I who was inviting them to?

That is the thing with emotional wounds. Unless they are known, accepted and the healing process begun or well advanced, they stick out like the buttons on my tummy!

Observers of these colourful buttons – envy, judgmental, jealousy, greed, low self-esteem, etc – seem drawn to poke and pull at them. Like attract like, so the person most wiling to push your buttons are persons who are wearing the same buttons although they might have a zippered jacket over theirs!

One book that really helped me with this – and getting me out of those buttoned down dresses was Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements: The Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. Reading these Agreements helped me with my "fashion sense." No longer was I willing to buttons on display for everyone to push. I learned key tools to help me clean up my own act and in turn how I responded to other people's behaviour.

The Agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word. I learned that “we act on what we tell ourselves is real, so I must screen my self-talk for negative, irrational chatter. To be impeccable with your word is to be truthful and to say things that have a positive influence on others and me.
2.  Don't take anything personally. This second agreement gave me a way of dealing with potentially hurtful treatment from others. To not take anything personally is to acknowledge the unique identities of other people. While respecting their realities, I realized that their views do not necessarily describe me.
3. Don't make assumptions. Assuming that I know what others are thinking or feeling about me limits me and I engage in mind reading, which is often wrong. The antidote to mind reading is to ask for evidence before jumping to conclusions.
4. Always do your best. Doing my best means I will be my best me – not anyone else’. Therefore, I quiet my internal judge and the judgemental button pushers.

Button pushing works both ways. You get your buttons pushed but you also push other people’s. It does not necessarily mean you are projecting but more that they have something to sort within themselves that your presence brings to the fore. Do you know anyone who just seems to get angry when you enter the room? Well, you are a button pusher.

I found that these Four Agreements helped me to lessen the seeming irrational response to me. Would love to hear what works for you both ways – pusher and pushed. So share with us here on our blog as well on our Facebook page.

Have a great rest of the evening!