Advice To Singles: How To Find Your Soulmate

Claudette Esterine

Being single, at any age, can be challenging. Yet, personally, I would not compromise my single status merely to settle for just any relationship.

It is 18+ months now since my second soulmate dumped me via a voicemail. Almost eight years since my first walked out on someone else's arm.

At my age, the likelihood of a third is very uncertain. Singledom seems to be where I will reign, at least for the foreseeable future. That does not have to be the case for you neither do you have to send out a search party for your soulmate. I never did and still got lucky and found two.

The chances of me baring the darkest recesses of my soul, opening any closet of childhood pain-filled memories or painting murals of my dreams with another soul are highly improbable. Why? Have I grown so cynical of love, men and/or intimate relationships?

No. The opposite is true. 

In my 40+ years, I have had, let us just say, a few intimate relationship with several culminating in marriages and cohabitation.  Only two, however, turned me inside out and upside down; squeezing the poison of self-hatred out of me and planting me firmly on the ground of self-knowledge.

Both relationships ended or endured through high drama and, if I were so inclined, would be great scripts for Hollywood blockbusters. Their value to me, the life lessons they taught, is much higher than the money. Honestly, I write trying to maintain a straight face.

“That's what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we've changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning.” Richard Bach

They changed me. My two soulmates changed me in ways that no other ever had. Both cracked me wide open to Love even as they exited my life. Probably more so because they left me.

Ten years later and I am a better woman, mother, lover and human being because these two souls held up mirrors to me that revealed almost every spot on my being.

Some believe that soulmates are once in a lifetime occurrences. Obviously I do not subscribe to that view. My question is whether three times will be a charm for me?

My suggestion to those who are seeking, searching or maybe prowling for their soulmate is: STOP!

Image: fineartamerica.com

A soulmate is, quoting Richard Bach again, "someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we are safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life."

We are evolving beings, nothing remains static - not our bodies and worse yet not our experiences or emotions. As we change, the soulmate who played with us in one particular garden may not be the one to walk with us into the open fields.

That was the hardest lessons of all for me when my playmate of 16 years had to go. Accepting that people, even soulmates, do come into your life for "a reason, a season or a lifetime," came after months of crying, suicide attempts and clinical depression.

When it was time for the second to leave, the parting was in fact surgical, clear cut and with love.

Am I anticipating a third soulmate? No. I have become, and this is what I am suggesting to you, a better love-smith.

My days and nights are now spent embracing the love that is now able to flow freely to, in and through the cracks left by my two loves. I clean my heart (lock) daily, sometimes minutely greasing it with feelings of self-love and appreciation. Friends and my daughter, in many instances even strangers, get to bask in the light emanating through those holes. They also experience my easy expression of love and adoration (key).

Should another partner arrive, one who respects, embraces and cherishes all that I have become then that person will receive in turn respect, love and loyalty beyond measure - my lock and my key.

Wonderfully wounded is how I now describe myself. Huge is my gratitude to my soulmates - J. Mc and I. F.

What about you? Have you been cracked open by love so great that you cannot help but being love? Can you call off your hunt, grease and maintain your lock and key and allow your next soulmate to come?

Share your story with us here or on our Facebook page. Enjoy the rest of this soul-filled day!

Claudette is the Founder of DOS Foundation and the Editor of our blog. She is a Jamaican-Canadian who lives in both countries. Single and a free spirit, Claudette is a communications and management professional as well as a Nature's Pearl Independent Distributor.