Forget Fear! Just Do It Anyway!

Claudette Esterine

Six months after turning 18 years old I was boarding an airplane for the first time in my life.

Terror or at least fear should have been coursing through my body. Looking around at the others, their fear was palpable. They were older than me, some by a few years and at least one who was a decade my senior.

We were boarding an afternoon flight from Kingston, Jamaica that 22 hours later would touch down in Moscow, the then capital of the former Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (U.S.S.R).

That was how the next seven years of my life would be spent - fearlessly.

I had no choice. It was sink or swim and Claudette had been doing dry land breast and backstrokes for a very long time. This was an opportunity of a lifetime, getting a scholarship for higher education and one that I was not going to punk out on.

Tears would flow copiously as my Jamaican behind froze in subzero temperatures in Kiev, the capital of the Ukraine where I was assigned to pursue my first Master's degree. The floodgates would open when an African boyfriend smack me around because I ended our relationship. I thought I would die when my Jamaican husband beat me to a pulp in my sixth year.

Only once I thought to throw in the towel.

It was after the Chernobyl nuclear disaster and I had lost my first child, a son, and was pregnant again. The painful memory of seeing only the back of my stillborn son's head was almost enough to make me want to runaway to protect my new unborn child. Her father had a different idea about the pregnancy and it coming to fruition.

I pursued neither options and today she is pregnant with her own daughter, my Kitten.

Fear has a way of closing us off to many experiences that, while in the moment might seem terrifying, hold the gem of the most valuable gifts. In my own journey, fear has raised its head over and over again. Fear of poverty, losing 'the best' relationship, a dream job or fear of being alone are some that I have faced off.

Through the 'bucking' of my fears I have had a very interesting, exhilarating sometimes and exciting life so far. Have there been moments of despair, depression and desperation? Of course!

My greatest times of devastation were usually related to relationships with others. Whether it was my abusive mother, my father and his family who abandoned me or lovers who said it was forever but left - I have been brought to my knees, no rather crawling like an injured lizard.

Image: cbsnews.com

Thoughts of giving up and attempts to so do were engaged and employed. Thankfully, Life was not done with me being here on Earth. My purpose has not yet been fulfilled.

Even after having my heart broken so many times, and having it reduced to a chunk, it still pulsates with red hot love. 

Very little phases me - then and now. The dishonesty of others still surprises me and yes, I am hesitant about giving my (intimate) love to anyone. The bonus, however, is that the experiences of heartbreak has taught me to love more generously, without conditions and wastefully.

I just do it, whatever, anyway, eyes wide open now, and enjoy the roller coaster of a ride we know as Life!

What about you? Are you too scared to be all of you? Share your story with us here or on our Facebook page.

Continue to have a fear-free a day as possible!

Claudette is the Founder of DOS Foundation and the Editor of our blog. She is a Jamaican-Canadian who lives in both countries. Single and a free spirit, Claudette is a communications and management professional as well as a Nature's Pearl Independent Distributor.