Using one's judgment is imperative, important and even invaluable. For business, personal and interpersonal matters, being able to examine a situation and determining the value, cost, risks, etc that might be involved could prove money and life saving.
The challenge arises when judgment is clouded, skewed or biased due to longheld beliefs, practices, attitudes and views that are no longer relevant in a rapidly changing world.
Always attempting to walk the "in between," my practice is to restrict or reduce the frequency of my decisions made by judging a situation solely on my prejudices, let us say.
Case in point: I like tall men. As an on-off user of online dating sites, my profiles clearly state this preference. In some cases where the app allows, if a man is below a certain height, he cannot message me. The result has been:
- I have eliminated a slew of eligible on all other counts men
- I have ended up dating some tall jerks
My daughter in particular has scolded, then laughed at me regarding this practice. "How many tall a**h**** will you have to date for you to stop doing that?" She asked me only a couple months ago.
That is where discernment comes in. The dictionary consulted for a definition offers this one: "The ability to see and understand people, things, or situations clearly and intelligently." I would go further and state that discernment involves being able to sense the unspoken and seeing what is invisible to the naked eyes.
This is an ability we all have but hardly use in some cases, undertrained in others and totally ignored by many when what is before us does not match the criteria of our 'judgments'.
Here is an example of how my judging and my ability to discern situations and people worked for and against me:
Trying to secure a more independent lifestyle for myself and support my daughter in creating one for herself, I entered into a business arrangement with an individual. My gut was telling me that there was something not upfront about this person but I ignored it. Focussed only on my daughter's and my own interests, I sunk thousands and thousands of dollars into the business. As I waited for this business partner to come through with her portion, as well as fulfill her obligations to the startup, my pockets bled. The business plan was solid but the execution was poor. I should have retrenched and reorganised earlier but did not. In the end, the business failed and I lost everything material that I possessed, including my house.
My judgment of the market and business potential needed revising and I failed to do that soon enough. Every spider nerve in my body was tingling, warning me of the potential pitfalls with the so-called business partner but I ignored them, foolishly hoping she would come through or something else would.
Together judgment and discernment can be a formidable team. Separately, they both serve a purpose. However, check the lenses that you are passing judgment through. As well, pay attention to that feeling in your gut.
The "in between" place can be uncomfortable, causing one to resort to old and familiar behaviours and judgment. Why not rest there awhile and allow your vision to clear?
As for me and kissing tall frogs, I deleted my profile and hanging out under a shady tree listening to my gut.
Be sure to browse the archive for previous posts relating to this Breaking Loose Challenge. Also, visit my facebook page for more tips on how to free yourself and live as you want.
Namaste
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