It Is Indeed A Beautiful Life

A few people, maybe quite a few, who I know are unhappy with their lives. Some are extremely unhappy, disappointed and at breaking point.

Looking at the details of some of their circumstances, it would be challenging not to acknowledge that the circumstances are less than ideal.

With the mortgage or rent overdue, car payments persistently late, children school fees astronomically high and cell phone bill through the roof, one cannot but admit that they are struggling.

Does that however means that life is ugly?

Late last night while I was still at work trying to reconcile an account - something that is not my favourite thing to do but I am covering (again) for a colleague - the night cleaning crew came in. One of the ladies told me that it is her 65th birthday next year and she will be retiring after being with our organization for 40 years. "Time to enjoy life," she said as she passed her broom under my desk or my "house" as she likes to call it.

It is not my habit to compare my journey with anyone else's but as she said that I made two comparisons. First, it would be the death of me were I to spend 40 years working before I could enjoy my life. Nope, not doing it. 

I would rather have low paying, seasonal work for the rest of my days, positions that allowed me to have enough money to travel inexpensively by any means to meet and greet life in all its manifestations.

The second thing that came to me and I shared it with her, was her use of the word "house." When I worked in the penal system here in Canada, some long term inmates called their cells "my house." I always smiled when I heard it and invariably reflected on the one that I would be driving to after work. There was no physical comparison between the two - what with all the fandangles in mine and the pictures stuck to the walls with tape in theirs.

Yet, while most would exchange places with me any second, at the time many of them were intrinsically more happy that I was. You see, the janitor now and me back then, with all we have, we are/were on pause. The intimates were making the most of what they had.

Beauty is all around us. It simply requires our attention to it.

Sharing on my page earlier this morning, I mentioned that: "Life can be stressful or sweet...it all depends on your view, your attitude and how you choose to respond. Take mine in the last 12 hours. My daughter and I had a "moment" - a tense one. We both went to our respective beds a bit annoyed at each other.

This morning I got up intent on making the day sweet. What happened? We've idled away the last couple hours, playing with the baby and playing dress up in high heel shoes that I simply cannot wear!

Your choice, your life! Damned or Diamond."

It really is our individual choice to make a beautiful life for ourselves. What I know without a single doubt is that nothing much is required but our heart and eyes. My life has changed materially, from plenty to just enough. With that movement has come clarity of vision, pureness of heart and a resolve to never again be ungrateful.

Life is beautiful as you and I believe it to be. Dare to believe right now, wherever you are and with whatever you possess.

Have a beautifully blessed day!

Beauty & Truth Telling: Miss Universe 2015

So Miss Jamaica, Kaci Fennell, did not win the the title of Miss Universe 2015.

No, I have not gone loopy and started following or taking a keen interest in beauty pageants. Beauty remains much further than skin deep in my books.

That apparently is the bone of contention, particularly among Miss Jamaica's followers on the island and on Twitter. Many claim that she did not win because of her nontraditional, Halle Berryesque hairstyle. What they all seem to believe is that she had the most honest and truthful response to the question, "What is your country's greatest contribution to the world?"

Miss Jamaica shared her view that Bob Marley and Usain Bolt are the island's greatest contributions. According to the commentaries, the few that I indulged in, that was what not only lost her the crown but relegated her to fifth place.

Now, if you could imagine me in a bathing suit, sauntering and twisting on a stage other than the one in my imagination in front of a fitting room mirror, that would not have been my response. However, I am not knocking Ms Fennel for hers. It was the truth as she feels it.

Beauty pageants, some job interviews, religious organizations, even family and friends have set answers to questions that they pose to you. Seemingly asking you what do you think, the expectation is that you will regurgitate what they taught, fed or hope that you learned.

If the commentators are correct, Miss Jamaica's answer did not win her this particular prize. Those who have lost coveted prizes by responding truthfully as they see things well understand what she might be feeling the morning after.

In the end, if her response was in fact her truth, she won. The glamour and glory of being crowned Miss Universe will last for a year, maybe two. After that, she would be the girl who won in 2015.

The lesson gained by telling her truth will last her this lifetime and beyond.

This story is opportune for me to present my understanding of dysfunction bred in lies and dis-ingenuity. Imagine had she given a different response, one that was a lie to her heart but would raise her acceptance level among the judges, Miss Fennel would have to keep up that story.

The mythical or not so depending on your view - gaydar is one that I possess. It is almost as good as my bullshitdar. While I might allow you to spread your blend of crap to me, do not let my smile comfort you to believe that your lies are not clear to me.

Silence is often my response to untruths. However, if it is important enough to my well being, that of my loved ones or in the interest of those who are temporarily "voiceless,' I will not hesitate to call you on your bull.

Having lived the better part of 40 years in a cesspool of lies, deceit and betrayal, I am so allergic to those who peddle in it. Up until she was almost 18 years old, my daily diet to my daughter was, "Do not lie to me! Tell me the truth and I will deal with whatever it is!" I think she got it, at least enough to be quiet around me rather than tell me crap.

Beauty pageants and competitions based on external features will never get my attention for longer than a few tweets and a Facebook post here and there. I am a womanist and believe in the fullness, wholeness and completeness of all human beings that require no placing of first, second or last.

Yet, whether it was her intention or not, Miss Kaci Fennel repeated an important lesson last night - "Speak the truth and speak it ever, cost it what it will."

All the best young lady!

If you would like to share your thoughts on this or any of our articles, please do so here or at DOS Foundation. For personal coaching visit my page.

Have a truth- filled day.

Photo source: dailymail.co.uk

Ever The Optimist

Maybe I have said this before but so what, it bears repeating. Furthermore, I am soon a half-centenarian, so I am allowed. Lol.

"Be careful what you wish for as you might surely get it!"

That saying was a favourite of my ex, well one of, the one with who that I had the longest, live-in relationship.

Some are of the view that wellness is our natural state. When I look at my granddaughter, Mahalia, I would agree. Here is a child born prematurely, emerging from an environment that was no longer nurturing her. She weighed 4lbs 1 ounce and on the morning of her birth tension about her and her mother's conditions was running high.

Having been in a similar situation myself 27 years prior, and having since experienced many devastating moments in my life, I stood in the hallway affirming well being. My friends around the world and Mahalia's grandfather and his family stood in the gap with us all night.

We were not wishing. We were expecting the best outcome.

Mahalia's well being was restored and to now it only improves. It is a lesson that, for as long I am able,  I will continuously impart to her.

"Guard your heart with all your might as from it flows the issue of your life."

Who is an optimist? Is it someone who's thought is always positive, never doubting that "things always work out" and expects only the best outcome?

I like the late Nelson Mandela's description of himself as an optimist. It is one that I have co opted as my own since reading his book, "Long Walk to Freedom: Autobiography of Nelson Mandela:"

"I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed toward the sun, one's feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death."

What is your understanding of being an optimist? Are you one? Share your thoughts with me here or via email.

Do have a bright, sun shiny day!

How Old Are YOU?

People look at me and do what Malcolm Gladwell made lots of money writing about. In a "Blink," they judge and feel they know me.

Never mind, they do it to you as well.

What is so funny is that you line up six persons and you behave in the same way and each of them might sum you up differently. Why is that so?

Perception based on their, not your, past experiences.

Some might look at me and think I smile a lot, while a young lady who I am not particularly fond of her gossiping told me the other day that she would love to see me smile more.

Others see me and decide that I am cold. Then ask some of the visitors in the Big House how I struck them and you might hear "very warm."

They say a leopard never changes its spots. Being as I am not a zoologist I do not know. What I do know from my own experience is that while I still have those spots from my past, they were never who I am.

It has been a four step journey to Me so far and something tells me that "it ain't over." Thus far, I have:

1. Accepted who I was along the way. All the mistakes, missteps, misdemeanors that I made and took had to be acknowledged and accepted before I could go deep. As with everything, this is a continual process as I mess-up daily.
2. Come to Know Whose I am and how I want to be in the world. This was an important next step for me. I tried to be many things and greatly so - wife, mother, friend, colleague, employee, employer, neighbour, etc. Yet, it was not until my 40's did I say @$%& that and started simply being the greatest Me. That came about when I embraced my Source in a way that went beyond churches, books, theories and personalities. I arrived at a personal relationship with It that I deem my raison d'etre and that freed me from being what the world prescribed.

Now, I am living from that my Truth (#3) and whether it pleases some, none or all matters not to me. I dress and spend how I want. I love wastefully starting with me. Rumi wrote, "let yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of that which you truly love."

I am drawn daily towards Step #4 - Enjoying my life.

In exactly 25 days from now, I will be celebrating 50 years of my arrival here. If I were any happier it would be a crime! I know who I am, what I want, with whom I love spending time and the things that I will and absolutely will not do.

Years ago, I thought it ridiculous when people would say that life begins at 40, 50, 60 or whatever age they were. It is not ridiculous but inaccurate. Life becomes totally enjoyable when you start living as You - however that looks, whatever the circumstances of that life.

That's my story and I am loving it!

What about you? How many years have you been here? Are you enjoying your life yet? Share your story with me here or on my page. Prefer privacy? Then email me.

Do enjoy the rest of the day at least!

Your Power: Stand In It

Sometime last year, a Canadian woman - Caucasian, blonde and blue-eyed - posted a video on Facebook about Jamaica. I mention it and her features not because they are the point of today's post but more so as we are not in a post-racial age.

Race still matters - too much - and this particular post raised the issue among my friends and I. This video was on the subject of "begging" by Jamaicans. I for one took some offence to her post - not because of her race but her generalisation about a people and her presumption that she "knows everything" about our journey.

Having said that, the observation of this young lady about what has seemingly become a pastime for some Jamaicans is accurate. As a Jamaican who has resided outside of the country for about half of my life, I too am bothered by the practice.

Some of my people have lost sight of their power.

Growing up in Jamaica, I watched my mother finetune the art of begging to a master's level. In fact, I was supposed to be both her apprentice and target.

That never happened.

For over a decade, close to two, regrettably I allowed myself to be the bullseye on her dartboard. However, it was by the Grace of The Divine, I never learned the skill.

The opposite actually occurred throughout those years of giving and acquiescing to every demand made by her and her creditors.  

I learned to stand in my power.

Always a mouthy child, a thinker, a reader and a sponge for information from an early age, I knew I had something that would take care of me. What and where it would come from, I had no clue.

No matter the situation I got myself in, a crack always opened to light my way out. Yes, sometimes it would happen after I cried all night and asked Jesus to help me. It would happen when I pulled up my panties - literally or the proverbial ones - and go do what I had to do. Then it would happen when I accepted responsibility for my choices and made new ones.

Strong is a descriptor some assign to me. Now at the threshold of 50 years on this Earth plane, Powerful is one I would add to my autobiography.

Strong because I have been weak, totally vulnerable (and remain so) and I always invariably surrender.

Powerful because I know and have survived pain and suffering without completely losing my dignity.

I say completely as it would be dishonest to say that I have not come close. I did several years ago at the end of a long term relationship. That was the closest I ever came to begging.

The beauty, however, is that that experience - the darkest night of my soul - endowed me with such power. I now know that I do not have to beg for:

* Love

* Money

* Approval

* Worth

All these things I was either born fully equipped with or the ability to access however much is needed (money). That is where some of my fellow Jamaicans still remain in the dark. We all have it. We just need to stand in it. Are you?

Let me share more with you if it would help. Write to me here or via email and we will stand together.

Namaste.

Warning, Dead End Ahead!

Yes, you can climb over walls, jump over hurdles and crawl under some barriers. A dead end, however, is a dead end.

"Dead end: n.1.a. An end of a passage, especially a street, that affords no exit.b. A street or road affording no exit.
2. A situation or subject that allows for no progress or development. (Source:American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition.)

"An end of passage." That is exactly where I found myself after returning to a situation that had already shown its true colours. Invited to stay until it was time to depart for my island home, this family member (in law) almost immediately broke every offer he had made. I hung on thinking that it was me, my impatience or my unrealistic expectation that people would actually say what they really mean. After several months of discomfort, liberties being taken, betrayal of trust and a display of lifestyle choices totally degrading to women, I packed and left.

That was not the end, however, as I returned after being convinced that things would be different, apologies extended and a commitment given that there would be no repeat performance of the disgusting attitude towards women.

I was in limbo, at an economic disadvantage and not yet fully at peace with being alone. These are some of the reasons that cause blindness, deafness and general sensory malfunction to cues that loudly signals "This is a dead end!"

We hope that things will change, he/she will change, the boss will change or maybe we will get accustomed to the fact that there will be no change. We try to accept and live with the status quo.

There is a price for doing that, however, one that can cost everything that matters: self respect, self esteem, self love and freedom.

Thankfully in my case, all these were very grounded in my being, so despite the economic benefits of staying, I left and this time never looking back.

One very valuable lesson that this particular dead end reinforced for me was that I will always grow through anything and thrive. That is the "blesson" of dead ends.

While dead ends are situations "that allows for no progress or development," they are also growth points. Well, if you choose to make them so. Some people prefer the comfort of no development, stagnation. Sounds like madness to others, myself included, however some folks like the "habit" of what they know or have come to accept.

When I come up to a dead end, my excitement level actually increases. Yes, I am one of the crazies who have come to love change.

Dead ends are a precious opportunity for change in:

• Yourself
• Circumstances
• Choices (Career, lifestyle, etc)
• Relationships (intimate, family and friendships)

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to avoid, determine if you are in a dead end situation or heading for one:

1. What is my vision for my [fill in]?
2. What do I value most in this (job, relationship)?
3. What am I most passionate about with this .....?
4. What are my strengths in this ....?
5. Is this ... in alignment with and nurtures  my vision, values, passion and my strengths?

The last question is where the buck either stops or increase in value. You get to decide.

Should you need support, feel free to connect with me here or through my page. As well, you can get daily motivation at DOS Foundation.

Continue to have a great day and keep growing!

Claudette is the Founder of DOS Foundation and the main Author and Editor of this blog.

Another Look At Frugality

It was still fairly early but sleep would not leave me alone. Then my phone rang. My daughter was returning my earlier call to her but I was neither in the mood or focussed enough to get into our usually long conversations.

She might have been put off a bit by my curtness. Imagine how she will be when she reads that I would receive another phone call and I chatted for close to an hour.

Well, in all fairness, I talked way less than I listened and I was very open to the caller and advised him of my state of sleepiness.

At some point in the conversation, the topic shifted to the current world oil prices and its impact on Alberta. Then we moved to his long working hours, demands of his high pressure job and the effect on him being able to cultivate relationships and his personal finances.

I was not interviewing him for this article but those who know me will confirm that I have an inquisitive mind, keen ears and an ability to connect the dots. Reading between the lines of this conversation, I asked why did his last long term relationship really end?

Money.

According to him, his ex was a fine business woman who made some fatal financial decisions and lost everything. Well, everything material. She came to a cross road where she had two choices:

A.  Start over from scratch with nothing

B.  Find a sugar daddy

She went for option B.

My caller was choked and it took him a couple years to "get over" the break up. In the end, what started out as terribly painful turned into a blessing for him as he restarted his life, got promoted on his job and now earns way more money than he did previous to the break up.

Was the ex girlfriend being financially responsible, entering a new relationship solely for monetary reasons? I will not be the judge of that. Frankly, neither should you. We all make choices and they are usually based on one or a combination of the following: 

1. Our Fears
2. Our Core Values 
3. The Information at hand 
4. Our Alignment or lack thereof

Having been bankrupt myself, I fully understand being enticed by the offer of a Sugar Daddy or Mama. If I could start over in comfort and style, then why not?

I had no sugar anything when my time came. Truthfully, even if I did, my audacity, mouth and general attitude would not be inviting to a Sugar Daddy as I invariably buck human authority.

Instead, I chose option A - start over with nothing but a lesson well learned.

I have very few very close friends. Most of them are women. Every friend bring a different dimension to my relationship with them. There is one that I share my sexual fantasies with and vice versa. Another shares my spiritual outlook in many ways so our conversations are most often underpinned by such thoughts. Then there is my cousin who holds my deepest and darkest secrets that I am yet to disclose on Facebook! Lol. I have some of hers as well so we are even.

One woman-friend and I share a bit of all of these but we are even more connected on financial issues. We are open with each other about the current status of our bank accounts and our income streams and how we intend to increase both. This friend and I discuss our latest bargain finds, whatever financial challenge we might be facing and we pray together and for each other's financial abundance.

We do not pretend with each other and we do not spend our money thoughtlessly. We are frugal and,  without discussing it directly give each other permission, so to speak, to be so. We are most definitely not ashamed of our lives and the fact that we both had to start over mid way.

Through that relationship combined with my moral compass, my spiritual values and my sense of self, my level of frugality or financial responsibility is both easy and fulfilling. Living within my needs and means, always knowing that whatever I desire can and will be met and leading a relatively simple life are my essentials.

Anyone can start over, set the course of their finances on a responsible footing without having to declare bankruptcy first. There is no Sugar Daddy for everyone and not everyone needs or wants one.

If you are growing through or on the path,  knowingly or unknowingly, to a financial meltdown please do not wait to seek expert advice. As well, do not discount the value of spiritual support and reevaluation. Always feel free to email me or check out my pages for inspiring posts and practical advice.

Namaste