First You Must Choose To Be Well

My mother was a very unhappy and unwell woman.

Looking back on her life, it is clear to me that her Wellness Wheel was totally off kilter. Not only that, it was broken, crushed and "all the kings horses or men" had not one darn chance of putting it back together.

By my 35th birthday I knew it was up to me to crack that unwellness code or not only would my life be damned but my daughter's as well.

Unhappiness is passed along while wellness is something you have to return to - on your own.

I gave it my best shot - returning my mother to her state of wellness. When nothing within my power worked (money, providing for as much of her needs as I could, giving her full reign over my home, etc), I turned to God. By 35, I had started my "lessons in Truth," and as my mind and heart expanded to the teachings of meta-physicians, psychologist with a spiritual leaning and New Thought ministers, I took home the message to my mother.

She heard me how long enough to lead me to believe something was getting through. The fallacy of my budding conviction would crack wide open within hours, sometimes minutes as she laid a table of "woe is me" for everything under the sun.

There was no way I could convince her to fake it until she made it. She was as real as they came where it concerned poverty consciousness, lack, 'the world is against me mentality', hypochondria, defeatism and handouts.

She made her transition rooted and grounded in these and other convictions. Her late-in-life Christian baptism did very little to mend her broken wheel.

Early in life, I made the conscious decision not to be like her. To ensure that, I fought and flailed against all of her brokenness. The irony was - my struggle only brought me experiences that matched exactly what I was fighting to avoid. Thankfully I caught the error of my ways quickly before my own wellness wheel was destroyed.

My childhood of sexual abuse; my early marital life of domestic violence and my experiences of rape were enough to break my spirit. Yet, an unknowing resilience led me through.

As I struggled with the aftermath of broken relationships, driven to suicide attempts, near homelessness and living on the edge of a first world brand of poverty (basically paying to have a job), something kept calling to me, telling me to look within.

Books, workshops, seminars even church had given me the same messages but it took falling to my rock bottom really hard on my backside to hear it.

As I sat in my room in a boarding house, shivering in a thin coat at a deserted bus stop, shivering on cold winter nights or getting up from the snowbank in which I had fallen on my home after a late night shift I rewrote my script.

• Wellness is mine in my life, world and affairs
• My relationship with money is healed. I have enough, I earn sufficient to pay my bills
• My current job is a window to one that will utilize all my skills
• I have friends who love me just as I am and support my growth
• My relationship with Abi (my daughter) is healing

These were just some of the affirmations I created and repeated, believing and knowing that my life was being recreated.

Yes, wellness is seen externally but must first be sensed and felt internally. No amount of money, medicine or material possession can instill wellness. Neither can prescriptive religious customs or gurus.

Wellness is a choice that only you can make, then activate and live. Start in one place in your life and it greatly permeates its entirety.

That is what I know for sure!

Namaste

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Some photo source: pinterest.com