She was not her usual bubbly self upon her arrival. Neither was I.
My attention was on getting some urgent paper work done but I did notice her frequent glances towards me. I dared not meet her eyes as the paper work needed to be done and frankly, “I was not in the mood for the stories this evening,” I said to myself.
That was me yesterday at work with one of my team members and today being Wednesday we have an audio blog – something that we have not had in at least two weeks now. My apologies for that but my attention was elsewhere – on my new grandbaby who I am happy to report has gained one pound since being discharged from the hospital a week ago. Kitten as I call her was born prematurely and weighed only four pounds. This little angel, in spite of her weight, has been a powerhouse in my life already teaching me many lessons, including the one that is our topic today – Boundaries.
This is a topic we have covered before but for the life of me I cannot pinpoint an exact date of the article, so here is your opportunity to browse our blog archive and read the many articles we have on a variety of topics.
Within a couple hours of my staff member’s arrival, we were locked away in a more private place having a conversation on boundaries. She was suicidal or intimated to me that she has been feeling that way for a few days now. Yes, I could not ignore her for the entire evening as my conscience would not allow me to and I did notice that her glances in my direction were becoming more pleading.
Here is a woman who has been through hell and back to raise her children. As a single parent, she held down three sometimes four jobs to ensure they – all five of them – had full tummies, clothes on their backs and a roof over their heads. Now adults, all except one has recognised what their mother went through to keep them safe, facilitate their education and to get them on their feet. There is one, however, who at 30+ years of age, feels her mother still owes her and is determined to extract as much as she can for herself, her child and the baby in her tummy. Mom must pay all her credit card bills, babysit on demand, purchase gifts and toys for the grandchild and prepare a wardrobe for the baby that is expected in six months.
As I listened to her story, wiped her tears and talked her off the ledge that she is so familiar with having literally dived off at least once, I knew her experience was also another message to me. Like her, I have dealt with my own share of family who thought I owed them my life, the blood flowing through my veins and for the air that I breathe. It was not until my own bout with clinical depression and attempted suicide that the lesson of boundary setting started to make sense as the only option for me to maintain my sanity.
In my school years, we had Guidance classes. Yet this lesson was never taught. It seems to me that children should be taught about boundaries – what they are, how to set them and recognize when they are being violated.
If I were taught this, maybe the many incidents of domestic abuse, low self-esteem, parental abuse, mean friends and other forms of boundary-smashing would not have occurred or at least been at minimal. Talking with my member of staff yesterday, I reminded her that being spiritual does not mean allowing others, including or children and/or their spouses to take advantage of us. There is nothing written in any book that I care to read that says a grandparent MUST dedicate the rest of their lives and every penny they earn to raising another generation of children.
No book that I care to read states that any of us must allow others to dictate what kind of humans we are to be. Only Source determines that and we along with It.
Do visit our Facebook page and share with us any strategies you have for maintaining your boundaries and do continue to have a great rest of the day.
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