The Three Blessings of Loss

Claudette Esterine

Have you ever ‘lost’ so much that you felt that there is nothing else for you to lose and this is it?

Well I have. Over and over again; and on one occasion almost eight years ago, I lost myself, temporarily.

Loss is one of those words that gives me trouble or gets me in trouble with others. How? Simply because I have come to learn that there really is no “loss” so to speak. Some of my friends do not understand that and feel I am either in denial or cold.

I am neither.

Life has knocked me over so many times – and I have gotten up and stronger. The lessons I learned from these KO’s have been some of the greatest ones – so why would I call them losses? Yes, relationships ended, money flew out the window, people walked away, loved ones showed their real intentions and on and on it goes.

In and through all of this, I gained:

1. A sense of self beyond imagination
2. Strength to grow through just about any ‘adversity’
3. Wisdom to know and do better

The greatest insight, however, that I have gained from my KO’s is vulnerability! 

Shame is not something that stymies me. I will cry, laugh, wet my pants wherever, whenever and for whatever reason that I feel moved to so do!

“What happens when people open their hearts?"...
"They get better.”  Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

Through all of my adversities, my heart has opened more widely. With each crack, more light has entered and brightened my soul. Does that mean nothing is hard or challenging for me? If that is what you think, you would be very wrong. Only today, for example, tears flowed as I discussed my granddaughter and one woman’s coldness towards me as others chose to share in the immense joy that this little girl has brought into my life.

Do I let such people or situations cause me to give up? No. Those of us who have had bouts with clinical depression and even have attempted or contemplated suicide live every day the “visitations” of this very “friendly” condition. Depression is an insidious dis-ease and visitor who hates to leave.

In my own experience, whenever challenged by persons and/or situations such as uncaring or insensitive people, I turn into – you guessed it – Me. If possible, I go to a mirror and do my work. I talk to myself, reminding the strong black woman looking back at me of who and Whose I really am.

Life goes on – whether I chose to stay on the ride; and a ride it is indeed.

What about you? Have you ever felt like giving up? To whom do you turn for support? Please know we are always here to listen and direct you to local supports.

Do have a great evening!