Breaking Bad: A Soul Searching Series

Of the five seasons, I watched three of the critically acclaimed Breaking Bad crime drama.  As is my habit with addictive television series, it took me less than a week to do so.

Almost at the end of season three, I gave up. It was just too much for me. Too dark, too many memories of others that I knew who had followed a similar path.

What does one of television's most successful series have to do with soul searching?

Everything. It was about chemistry, the hallucinating methadone and the heights and depth of the human soul. It was about the path that some of us take in our search for meaning.

Years ago, sometime in 2006, as a chaplain in residence at one of Alberta's leading hospitals I advised my supervisors that I wanted to observe a surgery. Up to that point, no other chaplain in training had done this, even though some of the best surgeons in the land operated in this hospital.

An integral component of our training programme was reflection and we were expected to undertake an exercise that would pull us into the deepest level of contemplation possible. At the end of the chosen exercise, each Resident-Chaplain (and there was only three in the programme at any given time) was to write then present a reflection paper. This was the "Summa" of our journey has trainee chaplains - in my case a full two year journey from internship to residency.

It was a two year search for my soul and I hoped to pinpoint its location in that surgical theatre.

The chief surgeon must have been one of my divinely appointed guides as within minutes of my entering the theatre after extensive prepping, he positioned me on a stool right over the patient's head. My vantage point allowed me to see every incision, movement, grip and stitch each and every member of the team made.

I missed nothing except seeing the patient's soul. For eight long hours I stood there; not peeing, not eating yet not feeling queasy, hungry or faint. The instruments opening the chest cavity did not phase me. I did not pass out seeing the heart tenderly removed and placed to the side while ice cubes were packed into where it would later be returned.

My eyes were peeled looking to catch a glimpse of the soul.

Two days it would take me to physically recover from the excitement and exhaustion of that fateful day. Another week for me to process my feelings with my supervisors and fellow chaplains in our fish bowl.

I cried. I was somewhat bewildered after the fact. I felt honoured by what I was given the privilege to witness (the patient's consent was required for me to have participated) and I was humbled.

My search for the soul came to an end with that experience. Finally I knew without a doubt that the innermost part of me and every human being is not to be seen with the naked eyes.

I went looking for the soul but instead felt it.

Walter White, the main character of Breaking Bad had that experience as well. He thought it was all chemistry, all physical, malleable in a lab (theatre) and all about the money. Having not seen the final episode, I am not sure whether he came to the same understanding as I did, whether what was feeding on his body eventually quenched his thirst for meaning.

With the last stitch and watching as "life" returned to the patient's body, as the blood circulated through his veins again without any mechanical assistance, I knew that my soul and your soul are connected to and flow from a Source well beyond our bodies.

Our heights and our depths are dependent on that unbreakable, invisible yet ever present connection. You do not have to believe in any specific religious or spiritual path or practice to experience the best frequency.

All that is required is to know that you are connected.

Do you?

Share your feelings with me here or on my coaching page and continue to gave a beautifully connected day!

Claudette is the Founder of Daughters of Sheba Foundation and offers practical spiritual support through her coaching services, social media including Twitter and this blog. She lives in Edmonton, Alberta and is a proud Member of www.TheWellnessUniverse.com  

Photo source: pinterest.com  

Soul Food

There was a time in my life when all I wanted was to be in an intimate relationship and to have a throng of friends.

Chalk those desires up to not having a model of a working and caring intimate relationship in my childhood. As well, I quenched my thirst for romance through Mills and Boones' novels and all that taught me was love was an illusive thing.

Being an only child, I desperately wanted the camaderie of a big family, brothers and sisters to play with and learn from. There were other children in our house from time to time, boarders and such the like, however there was always an invisible barrier between us. My mother did not encourage my having friends, so the longing grew deeper.

It was not until 35 years later that I realized what that empty, piercing space meant. Lovers, marriages and friends (some really good ones and some that I could have done well without) had come and gone. Yet, the hole deepened almost reaching the soles of my feet.

During one of those moments, when standing was too painful and I laid on my tummy in the walk-in closet of my spacious bedroom, that awareness came.

Working as a hospital chaplain, it was my privilege to sit with people from all walks of life. Often, as we held hands (I am a touchy-feely kind of person), patients would let me into their most intimate space - their souls. Never did I hear one of these patients say, "I wish I had more friends, more money, more lovers." Most had lots of friends, close family and a spouse.

What these patients expressed, particularly the terminally ill and/or the ones who I was standing in the gap with as they made their transition, was a desire for God/Source/Light.

Different names were used to describe the love that their souls were reaching for in those moments. Some were not Christians or "believers" of any traditional 'way'. As a multifaith chaplain, I had to serve Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Wiccans, and atheists among others. Lying on those hospital beds, surrounded or not by loved ones, the desire was the same - to connect with the Soul's Source.

Lying on my closet floor, seemingly alone, abandoned and lost, I too reached out for that connection. What was said is hardly important. It was the feeling, the urgent wordless cry to be reconnected, aligned and in lockstep with all that is, The One, that 'saved' me.

I do not know your beliefs, your path or your way. Actually, it does not matter. It is the care of your soul and mine that unites us and all that matters to me.

No lover, no friend, not even family can feed your inner being what it really needs. They may point a way but it will be theirs. Only you can find that Source of food that will feed you.

If there is any help that we may offer, a drink of water on your journey, please free to ask. You make connect with us through this blog, on Facebook or Twitter.

Be blessed and have a great Sunday! Namaste