Resource For Women, Work & Wellness: InHerSight

Thirty-three years. That is how long it took for me to experience it. Thirty-three years.

A couple weeks ago my daughter and I were having this conversation. This topic would come up again over the long weekend as I returned home from grocery shopping.

Women, work and wellness.

My daughter is returning to the labour force shortly. She has been on maternity leave for almost a year now. Struggling with the pull of wanting to stay home longer with her baby, my joy and light Mahalia who I also affectionately call Kitten, my daughter cannot afford that option. Well, not if she wants to maintain the standard of living that she has grown accustomed to and enjoys.

Her employer sent her an email a couple weeks ago to come in for a "return to work" meeting. My "spidey" sense told me that things were about to change but I said nothing to her.

After the meeting, she came to my place and from the look on her face I knew my spider was on target. Not one to wallow for more than a minute, I did not indulge her. Instead, she was given the same advice I would give to any woman faced with the options before her. It was advice that took me 33 years to formulate.

"Find something else that is moving you to where you want to be but offers you balance with your child and family life."

When Abigail told me the details of her post maternity meeting, I did what I always do when faced with choices. I launched a hunt for information, assessed it and presented her with my findings. That way, she made an informed decision.

Unfortunately, too many women do not have that option or they do not know where to look. Worse yet, too many choose not to or their circumstances seemingly force them to make decisions that unbalances their lives for a long time.

One of the tools that I came across and that I would encourage more women to utilize is InHerSight.  My lead to this website was BlogsRelease, a resource for bloggers like myself.

According to its website, InHerSight allows women to "check how potential employers treat women." They are "on a mission to measure how well employers support the women who work for them — and to turn those insights into better support for women in the workplace."

I say it is about darn time this was available.

Canada is a beautiful country with many opportunities for growth, development and prosperity. Yet, like in many so called developed countries, many are also falling between the cracks. As I researched the return to work practices of many companies, it was shocking to note that despite the generous maternity leave benefits offered through social services, an equal amount of women are finding it challenging to get back to their former positions.

Wellness, as I discussed in my previous posts is way more than fitness of body. Peace of mind about one's living and working space has a direct impact on the wellness of women. For 33 years, my working life did not support my healing journey. In fact, several of my past employers were more detrimental to my physical and emotional health than the junk food I ate.

A mother having to return to work, already anxious about separating for extended periods from her child, ought not to be further burdened by the thoughts of job insecurity.

Indeed any woman ought not to be so concerned about the practices of her employer as it relates to her gender and the natural occurring needs associated with being woman that her wellbeing is compromised.

How does your current or past employer stack up when it comes to women, work and wellness? Check out InHerSight and see the best practices of those who appreciate the value of women in the workplace. You may want to add your two cents worth on the site.

I am happy to report that my daughter took my advice and will return to work soon with an organization that offers her work/life balance, managerial experience, upward mobility and a fair salary!

Have a well day and be sure to visit us at our new home.  

Blessings,

Claudette

Some photos sources:  

inhersight.com

pinterest.com

Information regarding InHerSight was sourced through BlogsRelease 

Motivational Monday: Lesson Learned From Mr. Smith

I have had many significant teachers in my life. Some formally at the head of a classroom and others as next door neighbours, friends, coworkers, managers and some out and out strangers who I spent time with for only a short period.

Today though, I want to honour one who, in a very brief moment, showed finesse and emotional intelligence. This teacher respected the student who had made a punishable offence twice, spared his feelings, made the point and showed the co-ed class his leadership skills while at the same time ensured that the class understood the issue at hand. 

Respect

My science teacher, Mr. Smith, is the person whom I wish to honour. He was upbeat, respectful, and he made science interesting and it stuck.  The student who goofed and created this punishable offence was, like the rest of us in Grade 10, just trying to fit in and, being a teenager, explore life in all the ways teenagers do.

Except, this teenager had brought porn to school and did not try to hide it. 

This was not the dainty cute lots of airbrushed PG13 no brown paper bag required type of porn but instead it was very vile. Mr. Smith, catching the student lustily gazing at the pictures, firmly asked him to bring it up to the front of the room, with the magazine “closed,” of course, so as to not offend anyone.

He then proceeded to ask the student why he felt the need to look at such a magazine in a public place. Did he not realize that some would find it offensive, Mr. Smith asked of the student before telling him to throw it the wastebasket. 

The lesson came next. 

Mr. Smith posed a most poignant question and gave a piece of advice that certainly many teenaged boys then and maybe now, ought to hear. 

"Why not invest your time actually talking to a few of the young ladies in the school because if you did spend your time talking with them instead of objectifying them, when the time is right and you are the right age, amazing things could happen with the right young lady?"

Now this was coming from a man who was not only (and still is I am certain) smart, hard working, approachable, volunteered more than most other tbe teachers and who taught the class that we all enjoyed taking - he was husband to one of the most professional and wonderful women. Mrs. Smith also volunteered at the school and was considered one of the best looking spouses that ever graced its halls.

So, Mr. Smith's words rang very true that day in science class. The student in question had a hangdog look on his face and repeatedly kept saying,  "Yes Sir,"  "Understood Sir," or  "Okay Sir." Without raising his voice, Mr. Smith made his point.  His words where well crafted, delivered with respect and he dealt with the student with dignity.

Thank you Mr. Smith for a first class example of how to handle a behavioural issue with dignity and respect.  What was even more powerful was how he made certain both genders in the room understood that:

1. We should actually talk to each other.
2. Connect with each other. 
3. Not objectify each other. 

I remember it like yesterday. What a great lesson and it goes to show the positive impact great communications make!

Till next time, Imagine Yourself with more Resiliency forLife.

Michael

Michael is the newest Guest Author here at Daughters of Sheba and I am so happy to have him with us! To interview Michael, book him for your next event or to consult you can email him or visit his website.

Michael’s Social Media include

https://twitter.com/ResilientMichae

https://about.me/resilientmichael

https://www.linkedin.com/company/resiliency-for-life/

Photo source: pinterest.com

Awesomeness Turntup This Week

Motivational Monday, Wednesday Wisdom and now TGIF - each making for an awesome week!

Here in Canada, we are capping the week with an extension on the weekend, with the observation of Victoria Day.

Other awesome happenings here were the "come back" of regular Guest Contributor, Clara Brown, and the announcement that Mr. Resiliency himself, Michael H. Ballard will be joining us.

I am so excited, stoked and looking forward to an even more awesome few days off. As you relax over your weekend, do browse the archives and be sure to check out the most read essay of this awe-filled week.

Have a glorious weekend, visit my coaching page and check out the limited time offer there, as well join my mailing list to receive exclusive updates, offers and unpublished tips!

Be blessed and be a blessing until Monday!

Will The Christian Church Fade Into Oblivion?

"It's not just millennials leaving the church. Whether married or single, rich or poor, young or old, living in the West or the Bible Belt, almost every demographic group has seen a significant drop in people who call themselves Christians, Pew found."

That was the paragraph of the story that really caught my attention. We have been hearing for years now that the Christian church membership has been on a rapid descent. Much of this was attributed to a younger population - The Millennials - who were more caught up with everything digital to attend church on Sundays.

This recently published report of findings by the Pew Research Centre sheds a brighter light. More and a more diverse number of people are no longer identifying themselves as Christians. The decline in church attendance was hardly a secret and now this?

What next for the Christian church? Is its leadership ready to listen to the still small but now growing more loud voice?

I am one of those who, for years now, do

not identify as Christian. My childhood years were spent going to Sunday school every sabbath morning. There were some Sundays that the entire day was spent on the church premises - from Sunday school, to Sunday service, luncheon then bible studies.

My seven years of living in a communist society where faith was truly a private and, in most cases, secret matter, I began learning how to meet God on my own.

Upon my return to my island home of Jamaica in 1990, my active belief in God as presented by the churches of my youth had died. Alone and adrift, my questioning of the Church's teachings on sexuality, the place of women in the world, my race, poverty, among other societal issues that continued to play out in my personal experience, peaked.

My feet would not cross the threshold of a church for almost 10 years. When they did, it was to enter a place of worship and fellowship that engaged my heart and my mind - respectfully and intelligently. This was the moment when my understanding of God, a Higher Power, shifted.

No longer was God a He but The Source, active, ever-present and engaging with human existence with and through me.

Training as an interfaith Chaplain immersed me even more into an appreciation of Life that went way beyond anything the traditional church taught me. As my understanding of other religious and spiritual practices including Hindu, Buddhism, Islam, Native American spirituality, I embraced my own African spiritual roots.

Through this openness to other paths, including Christianity, my love of Jesus and his teachings grew. No longer was he wrapped up in doctrines and diatribe, division and discrimination as I had witnessed and experienced even firsthand by Christians.

Love became my religion. It was Jesus' as well, I dare say, just as it was that of all the spiritual leaders whose teachings have not declined but increased.

There is no one pat answer or explanation why the Christian faith continues to lose ground. Maybe that is part of the answer - that it is losing ground because it is losing its heart? More focussed on domination and doctrine rather than supporting and facilitating living from an heart-centre, the Church has dropped the ball.

"Christianity in the United States hasn't done a good job of engaging serious Christian reflection with young people, in ways that would be relevant to their lives."

Though so many have dropped the Christianity identity, the Pew Study quoted above tells us, they have not all or necessarily become "infidels." Many, myself included, now have a more private - secret for some - relationship with God/Source without the intermediary services of a religious institution.

As the article on the Pew Study concludes, we "are more interested in working with the wider world than holding endless debates over sexual morality."

Would love to hear your thoughts so drop me a line, comment here or on my coaching page. As well, do join my mailing list for unpublished stories, newsletter and more.

Have a love-filled rest of the day!

Are We Born Resilent?

"What doesn't  kill you make you stronger"

Last year, my family and I observed the 17th anniversary of my Mother's transition. As my brother and I reminisced, my question to him was whether there is any one thing in particular about our late mother that still resonates with him.Without hesitation, he said, "Her resilience."

That was my exact thought.

We all experience adversities, from every day changes and challenges to serious losses. My belief is that these experiences are part of God's plan for us, we are armed with the ability to adapt and regroup through our challenges.

This belief led me to the question whether we have to learn resiliency as we would craft making? Or are we naturally resilient and it lies latent until we need it?

Another of my brothers, Ivan, who is now deceased, always claimed that it was resilience that took over after he was viciously attacked in the line of duty.  He was a police officer at the time and by his account, the attack in a deeply wooded area and him being able to direct his rescuer to his location, pointed to a presence of mind that he did not know he possessed. Ivan was able to coherently dialogue with his rescuer for the 26 mile journey, maintaining conciousness all the way over trecherous rural roads to the hospital.   

My brother would live for 33 more years, after enduring months of treatment and rehabilitation, to tell his story.

This story has often caused me to also wonder whether resilience and faith are synonymous?

Some psychologists have argued that faith is resilience's silent companion. Evidence of this, if one may call it that, is one person's belief remaining intact after a catastrophic event, while another person's is destroyed. Some use "faith" and "resilience" interchangeably. My opinion is that they are different.

 "Faith is the capacity of the heart that allows us to draw close to the present and find there is the underlying thread connecting the moment's experience to the fabric of all of life. It opens us to a bigger sense of who we are and what we are capable of doing" Susan Salburg

In the midst of an awful situation, we are sometimes tempted to see only the dark side.  Many of us are unable see how a bad situation may help us grow or broaden our view and opinions. For the impatient ones like me, faith requires a strong dose of discipline. When confronted by a challenge, I find that I have to pause, step away and try to make the connection between my faith and my resolve to climb out of the ditch and chart a new course of action.  

Resilience, to me, is a continuous rebuilding, re-branding and re-launching process. It is one that can strengthen our resolve and give you the energy to scrap an original idea or way of doing things without any or too many regrets.

I saw this demonstrated for most of my life by my mother. Ivan was my second study in resilience. Only 23,  newly wed and in line for a promotion when he was attacked.  Asked how he coped throughout the treatment and rehabilitation as he had lost an arm in the attack, he was quick to point out that, as a born-again Christian, God and his faith kept him going. 

In my view, faith is what gets you up and resilience is what keeps you moving. That was my experience and witness in my mother's life and through my brother's rehabilitation and 33 years of living after the attack.

What are your thoughts? Are faith and resilience one and the same or partners? 

Share with me here, as well be sure to visit Claudette's page for more tips and suggestions on this and other topics. 

Have a strong rest of the day!


Clara Brown is an Insurance Executive living in Kingston, Jamaica with her family. She is a dear friend, member of DOS Foundation and a regular contributor to this blog.

Are You Chasing Fulfillment?

Wellness has a different meaning for everyone. Searching for quotes and thoughts on the subject, the results usually point to health and fitness. In other words, the most popular perspective and understanding seems to be that wellness and physical fitness are synonymous.

My view differs from that. Yes, I have been known to say that I am allergic to exercise of a physical nature. As a child and well into my youth, the general assumption was that my future would lie in some athletic endeavour. I quickly disabused people of that notion and my daughter, who is a bit taller than I am, followed suit.

Together we have done our fair share contributing to the profits of gyms, athletic shoe stores and various media entities pushing fitness DVDs. Even recently, we began a squat challenge with one of her childhood friends in South Carolina. The goal was to get up to 200 squats a day. Each of us would record our routine and upload it via Glide for the rest of the group's comic relief.

Suffice it to say, that experiment ended at 100 squats a day. Abigail's knee gave out and my heart followed suit in sympathy. Any excuse not to physically exert myself is acceptable! I have long accepted that "wellness" will never equate to "fitness' in my life.

Yet, I consider myself extremely well.

Wellness in my experience began with an intentional internal journey. Up until my 45th birthday, happiness and a sense of fulfillment were not things that I could honestly say I knew.

Great education, home ownership, good cars - even new ones, nice furnishing and all the other trappings of a "good life," were mine. Yet that deep feeling of joy, a prevailing contentment eluded me.

There was always something to fear, something else to attain, another relationship to enter in or a promotion to get before I would be fulfilled.

When we bought the house and furnished it, I was still not feeling it. Then I got the job of a young lifetime, more money flowing in, travelling across the Caribbean region monthly and fulfilled was not what I felt.

I went to church - a different type of fellowship but while my mind opened to a new perspective on God, life and well being - fulfillment remained elusive.

We migrated in pursuit of fulfillment and it emigrated. My then partner and I searched for it as we charted new careers and educational courses. Both of us thought that once the culinary and theological studies were over, fulfillment will come bundled inside of the diploma and degrees.

Years later, single, distraught and chronically depressed, I gave up and accepted my failure to find happiness and fulfillment. I acknowledged that my search led me to all the wrong places.

Where they really though - the wrong places?

"That hunt for you is life!" Abraham Hicks

I have much to be thankful for in the work of Esther Hicks. Many discount her as a charlatan or a snake oil dealer when they are being kind. For the most part, naysayers ridicule her work as that of a delusional split-personality psychotic demon-ridden cult leader.

Well, it may be that and more but those words expressed through her - "That hunt for you is life" clarified my search for meaning.

Never to be found in the latest diet or exercise fad, certainly absent in intimate relationships, lost in the multitude of "stuff,' fulfillment is an inside job.

What came clearly home to me as I relaxed in the "littleness" of stuff in my life, the deliciousness of the single life, the enjoyment of employment for a cause and the love of real family and friends, is that wellness begins when the heart is fulfilled.

Yesterday, I went to see my doctor and his words to me would have some in utter panic. I am not.

My bank account does not have a seven-digit balance but what is there pleases me.

The stereotype of black women with big booty does not match me whatsoever. That matters not to me. I will not squat one day longer.

Fulfilled, however, is what I finally am.

"The key to ultimate happiness and fulfillment lies within our own transformation. The more we learn and grow and evolve as individuals, the more we will find happiness and satisfaction in relationships, work and life." Kristina Bowman

I have found that key and so can you. Write to me, join my list and let us deepen and widen this circle of wellness.

Namaste. 

Some photo source: pinterest,com
 

Motivational Monday: Turn Up Your Awesome

Would it surprise you to know that there are people in your life who are not happy about you being happy?

Do you know that that is their problem?

Over my lifetime, my circle of friends has grown and then shrunk. Contemplating today's essay on turning up your awesome, it struck me that my number of friends decreased in direct proportion to the increase in my awesomeness.

Growing up, no one told me that I bore this "awesome" quality. Not to disrespect her memory but the descriptions that my mother used in relation to me had nothing to do with me being "extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration."

The beauty that she saw in me seemed short lived - dying soon after she gave me the nickname "Cutie."

Interested more in my body than my awesomeness, wannabe lovers and those who I allowed to be would call me "sexy," "beautiful," "good woman, "sweet" even. Maybe it is my age but I simply cannot recall ever being told by anyone intimately close to me that I was "awesome."

So I learned to tell myself.

There are those who feel that such self-talk is egotistical, self-centered and arrogant. Well, that too is their business. When you have walked the long, dark, lonely and bitter road of low self-esteem, the only light guiding you out is from the lamp of survival. As you emerge, like I did, that lamp turns into the sun beaming sweetly as you step into the allness of you - however that may look.

I often refer to myself as "a woman with a past" and many are stuck on that. They attempt to remind me of it - in all its sordid, sticky and stained fabric. Yet, they fail to realise that I am no longer there. They refuse to take seriously the second half of that statement:

"A woman with a past, daily imagining her future."

In the daily lies the awesomeness. Having learned to live in the now, each morning as I rise my earliest thought, often the first one after 'thank you', is "all is working together for good - and it is awesome!"

Yesterday, my 26th celebration of Mother's Day, was the best and "awesomest" of my life. No, we did not don hats and attended a garden party. My daughter, granddaughter and my son-in-heart came to my place and shared a four-course meal that I chose to prepare. We talked some but quietly loved each other more and that is what made it the best day ever.

Simply awesome is how I would describe my life and myself now - without a hint of egotism, self-centeredness or arrogance. It is simply so because I named and claimed it as such.

You can too but I lovingly warn you - it is a daily, sometimes minutely endeavour. The rewards - an abundant, overflowing sense of wonder, appreciation and gratitude - are oh so delicious.

This awesome view on life is meant to be shared so if you are interested in some do drop me a line, join my list and visit my coaching page and let us together proudly proclaim our awesomeness!

Namaste.