By society's standards, she is overweight. That does not seem to stop her from doing what she needs to do. Actually, she has done quite a lot in her years including owning and running, a now defunct, successful small business, raising two beautiful children and maintaining a 20-year marriage.
Her husband and her own a beautiful house on an acreage, drive late model cars and also own a holiday home in Florida. He has a great job, bringing home the bulk of the income but hers is not peanuts either. Between their salaries, the family is well fed, clothed and with extended family members, they vacation twice a year.
They seem to have it all and a dog AND a cat to go with it!
My dealings with her as been from the sidelines and even from that distance, her volcanic outbursts of pissed off reach me. Without warning, cuss words, slamming of the phone, banging of doors and a bewildering display of irrational anger can hit you like a tornado.
Other times, she tries the silent treatment, muttering supposedly to herself but turned up enough for the relevant "bystander" to hear that she is not pleased that they exist.
Except for her family members, she seems to like very few people and it is even questionable how many of her kin really has a place in her heart.
Scorched by her last eruption, I started singing.
It was either that or lose my little quotient of patience that I spoke of yesterday. Having been as angry as her in another life, I recognise the signs of a woman not at peace with the life she created.
That is the hardest - when what you thought you wanted; when what is simply makes you see red. There is no one to "blame" so everyone gets a share before you crash and burn and accept what is.
Why would it be hard to be at peace with all the stuff this woman has? So many people in the world have way less and are certainly more happy. I for one am.
Well, stuff cannot love you back. That is the first thing. No matter how much you have accumulated, they just cannot replace or substitute what every human being needs.
Family members, even your children and spouse cannot do it either. They can express their love for you, be grateful that you are their on-call unpaid chauffeur, the best wife a man could ask for but if that gap is not filled, that will still not do it.
Deliberately putting others down, bullying your coworkers, ridiculing other people's errors, culture, way of life or thinking you know everything there is to know about, let us say running a business because you had one, will certainly only make you more angry.
My experience has been that while men are competitive, women can be just as. Our way of competing is insidious, backbiting and propelled by our internal bitterness. There is another "B" word but I will not go there - today.
Sadly, many women measure their worth not against their own perception of success but what Jane has, what Suzy looks like and the size of and possessions in Mary's house. To fall "short" in any of these and other measures result in a growing anger, bitterness and general unhappiness. The striving and striking out escalates against what is.
I have worked through these measures over the years, discarding almost all of them and now making my way through the last one. What has led me through is not retreating to a convent, granted that option has appealed to me in the past, or heavy duty meditation. Several tools have helped me, many of which are available through this blog, a great amount of quiet time, reflection and introspection and a general realigning of my wants and needs versus what society or others suggest.
Should any of the descriptors of the heroine of this article fit you or how someone has described their experience with you, please feel free to email me or inbox me on my page and let us swap stories. The goal is always that in such sharing, a solution might be found.
Namaste
Photos: pinterest.com
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