I Don't Care What You Think Of Me!

Up until her 17th birthday, my daughter always told us that she wanted to study Anthropology.

She was most taken with Egyptology and the day we met a "reader" on the beach in Ocho Rios, Jamaica and he told us both to wear ankhs, it felt as if her path was confirmed.

In my mind's eye, I attended her graduation not from a bachelor's programme but some fancy "do" celebrating her doctorate in the field. I travelled to see her on various "digs" all over the world, celebrated her latest book and drank champagne at her wedding to an equally qualified PhD.

Then she dropped out of university.

As if that was not enough, she moved out to live with a "boy," who I knew without a doubt was totally, completely and utterly wrong for her!

My daughter is a soft spoken, calm and quiet young woman. I have never heard her swear until recently - something that I credit to the lioness coming alive now that she has a cub. The day that I learned of her dropping out of university and the day that she moved out were not happy ones for me. I cried, bawled and hollered, begging her to rethink her decisions. She did no such thing.

Abigail did not care what my predictions were for her relationship or her future. She did what she had and wanted to do.

Nine years later, I could not applaud her any louder for stop caring.  

If you thought that today's topic was a suggestion to be selfish and not give two hoots about anyone else, you would be halfway wrong. The idea here is that in order to live your life as you see, feel, taste and dream it, then you will of necessity need to stop caring what other people think of you, your goals, your idea of Self and your path.

What they think is their stuff not yours.

There is no doubt that my daughter loves me. However, she has her ways of expressing it as well as she learned well from me and my mistakes. She is living life on her terms. Did she make some mistakes along the way so far? Of course she did but she learned valuable lessons from them.

Well meaning people will offer you suggestions, as I am writing this, however, we must be clear that those advice, nuggets are based on their own experiences.

Go make your own and new mistakes!

Failure is nothing to be ashamed about. Not trying, not living fully, spending your life in fear particularly those imposed by others are more reasons for "shame."  Quite frankly, let there be no shame in you no matter the road you have travelled.

I remember a woman who had a profound impact on my path telling her story of trying to open a bank account after being released from prison where she spent 8 years. She described how ashamed she felt as the customer service representative questioned her regarding her whereabouts, employment, etc over the period. In that moment my friend, as she became one, said she decided to never allow what anyone thinks of her to determine how she felt about her journey and herself. She went on to do great work in the inner city communities of Edmonton, Alberta, graduated from university with a degree in psychology and created a white picket fence life.

She stopped caring.

People will judge you no matter what. If you are low on funds, they deem you broke and useless. Have some cash and you become someone to either ride with or envy. Should depression visit you, they call you psycho and shun you, while others may pity you. Be on top of your world and for sure there will be some who think you are full of it.

Misery loves company. Unhappy people do not like to be around those who are not. Well, it is not your job or mine to "fix" anyone. Be empathetic but not sympathetic. The difference in these two was taught to me by my pastoral education supervisor. Sympathy means I am going to jump in and drown with you because I too cannot swim. Empathy means I will recognize your situation, see that you need support and go get help, throw you a line or do what I can without killing us both in the process.

Mind your own business and give others the respect to do the same. Do not judge lest you be judged. Stop caring what others think of you and do you!

Claudette

Now a top stylist and instructor at one of Albert's leading academy, mother and partner to a man that she is happy with, my daughter is learning every day to stop caring more and more about what others think about her.

As for me, I do not give two hoots who think I am broke, have two shillings, cocky, talkative,  on Facebook too much, independent or that I should have a partner at my age.

What they think about me is none of my business!