Are You Slowly Killing Yourself?

Do you know anyone who hang on for dear life even though the situation they are in is literally or at least emotionally killing them?

When my first marriage slipped off the rocks and was rapidly heading to the bottom of a very steep cliff, some people advised me to work on it for the sake of my child. Only 22 years old but very clear that my body could not stand any more beatings nor was I prepared to subdue my personality to fit into the role of submissive wife, I ruled them out of hand.

A couple decades later and at the end of another relationship that same spirit emerged. I did what we say in Jamaica when I heard the voice-mail telling me it was over – I kissed my teeth. You know, that seething sound that basically means “Whatever!”

Thirty odd years was long enough for me to finally get it – you move on.

After being:

• Hurt to the core of your being
• Betrayed by persons who, as they say, you would have taken a bullet for
• Ridiculed and shamed in your own home

...if the pain does not kill you or lead you to killing yourself, you get tired of the same thing repeating and you learn the lesson.

The one most valuable thing that I have learned about the much-touted “forgiveness,” is that you have to forgive yourself first. Issue a pardon to the ‘little’ you who forgot your divinity, your royalty, the greatness that resides in you and requires no one’s approval or permission to express Itself.

Only after forgiving myself for my forgetfulness of who and Whose I am – the emotional amnesia that lead me to massive weight gain, diabetes, Grave disease and attempted suicides – only then was I able to let others off the hook.

I changed and so my world had to change.

It is a wonderful feeling – this thing called personal freedom. Some believe it requires winning the lottery but they are dead wrong. Jim Carey, comedian and mystic in my view, has the wish for everyone to be rich and famous. He said that only then will they get it that it really is not the fount of happiness.

Happiness and personal freedom – those are the gifts of forgiveness of self and then others. Have you awarded yourself with these priceless treasures? What are you waiting for? 

Claudette Esterine created the Daughters of Sheba Facebook Group in 2010. It has since evolved into a Foundation and she is its lead and visionary.  Claudette is Jamaican-Canadian and lives in Edmonton, Alberta. 

This Too Shall Pass: Pain & Pleasure

I know my friends are sometimes impatient with me or simply do not understand my attitude about some things.

Take death as one example. 

I have been told not to say it or to stop being morbid. However, I will do no such thing as "I do not fear death and an ready whenever it's my time to transition." There, I said it again.

In the same way, I try my best to refrain from labelling an experience "bad" or "good." It might cause me pain or it might bring me joy. Whatever the case, it is an experience. Simple.

Friday past was designated as our "Happy Day," and would you know I got into a major quarrel with someone very special to me! "Happy Day" was going sideways in a handbasket and while I was largely responsible for the trip, there was not one thing I could do to turn it around.

My spiritual teachers would say that the momentum was way advanced and I just had to hang tight for the crash landing. That is precisely what I did. Refusing to predict how things would end or label the experience, after praying to be shown what the lesson was, I waited. As always, my prayer of acceptance ended with: "This too shall pass." That to me is a power-filled attitude to maintain about anything, everything and everyone.

Like most, I first thought that saying originated in the Bible. It actually did not. Derived from a Sufi fable, the phrase was attributed to King Solomon. Here is one version of the sufi story, as printed and reproduced in Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth:

"There was once a king in the middle east, who was constantly torn between happiness and despair. The slightest thing would provoke a strong reaction in him, and when he felt happiness, it would swiftly turn into disappointment or hopelessness. 

The king eventually became so tired of himself, and his life, that he decided to face his problems and call for help. He was notified of a wise man in his kingdom, that was said to be enlightened. The king pleaded for his help, and when the wise man came to see the king, the king told him: 'I want to be as you are. I want balance and clarity in my life – And i will pay you any price you demand for that insight.' 

The wise man responded: 'I might be able to help you, but this insight is so valuable, that the entirety of your kingdom will not be enough to pay for it. That’s why i will give it to you as a gift, if you will honor it.' The king promised he would, and the wise man went on his way. 

Weeks later the wise man came to the king again. This time bringing a jade shrine. The shrine contained a golden ring with arab letters inscribed on it. The letters said: 'This too shall pass.' 'What is the meaning of this?' the king asked as he stood baffled. 

The wise man told him to always carry this ring on him, and to always look at it before he judged anything again. Good or bad. 'Do this and peace will be with you always' the wise man said."

Within a few hours of praying and being guided to the lesson of my experience, the test came. My phone "pinged," and it was my opportunity to demonstrate whether I was ready to move to the next level.

A particular friend has tried to chide me that a certain lesson has been repeating itself. I say tried because I do my best not to take on people's opinions. I will  listen but here again your opinion is neither bad or good. Spirit leads me. So yes, it is true that the full magnitude of the learning was still revealing itself to me and yesterday I realized why.

Until you are ready to face things - person and/or situation - squarely, without denial it will keep appearing and the form will change.

When you are ready to say, "I am not afraid of you anymore, you have no power over me AND you too will pass," it will be Graduation Day. I matriculated yesterday, up from kindergarten into the University of Love.

That is the only constant - Love - as it is the principle of Life. Methods change, Principles do not.

Feel free to share with me your experience with this saying. Let me know here, on Facebook or Twitter if assuming a stance of acceptance as had any impact on your sense of peace.

Do continue to enjoy the rest of your day. Namaste.