Four Essentials Of An Expanded Life

"Expansion: the action of becoming larger or more extensive. Synonyms:  growth, increase in size, enlargement, extension, development."

Sometime very early in January, I declared 2015 the year of expansion. This was a deliberate act on my part as, like many others, I used to look at the year in passing and give it a name.

"That was the worse year."

"2006 was a rough year."

"Phew, I'm glad that @#%& year is over!"

Being a person who has come to witness and therefore believe that whatever you consistently focus on becomes one's reality, I decided to set my attention and intention for my year. No longer am I willing to live unconsciously or allow another person or society to determine the progression of my life.

Yesterday I shared with my Facebook friends a picture of my mini vision board. This exercise is very central to my way of living - has been for years now with varying degrees of "success" from everything coming to me as envisioned, easily and effortlessly or everything going exactly opposite to my imagining.

This could be no more true than with my relationships, particularly intimate ones. I remember one New Year's Eve posting a picture of me in a wedding gown, getting married to a gorgeous Bruce Willis looking man. Well, would you believe that I did marry a bald headed guy wearing a lovely gown, tiara and all, surrounded by my best friends and my daughter? Would you believe that two years later it was over?

That was one of if not my most profound lessons on Law of Attraction, visualization and relationships - three in one.

Lesson: The Universe will bring you what you predominantly FEEL as you focus consciously or unconsciously.

I attracted the person I was seeing with my eyes but as my predominate feelings around relationships and marriage were: they do not work, I am not good in them, men are abusive, etc., that is exactly what came with the handsome man.

Having learned my lesson, through that situation and a few more after (my head can be quite tough), I cleaned house and changed my focal point.

I turned to my heart.

Over the next few years, from 2010 to 2014, my focus became love. Yes, I have always loved and wanted relationships that are loving but the challenge was I never really knew the type of loving that would attract to me the life, friendships, family bond and even work that I truly wanted.

Unconditional love was something I had to learn, then walk.

I had encountered Her before and that is how I knew what was missing. This time it would take me to bring her back into my experience. The first step was crucial as I had to unconditionally love me first - for all the places, all the things, all the wrong and all the right that I had been and done.

Twenty-fourteen things started shifting. Come December 31, 2014, as I snuggled with my granddaughter on New Year's Eve, it became clear to me that the new year was my time to enlarge, develop more and extend into Me.

Work, money for my needs, the few stuff that I like and empowering platonic friendships have come and continue to flow. Now it is time expand into a spiritual partnership that befits all that I am.

My core understanding and my experiences have taught me that you get not only what you focus on and talk about most but what:

1. You feel and believe to be true
2. You think you deserve
3. You are ready to accept and embrace
4. You hold lightly

Some of us talk a good talk of poverty, poor health, distress, bad relationships and hatred. I was one of them. Now, and for sometime now, I have been feeling, believing and KNOWING that I deserve only the best as I see it.

I am ready to embrace all that makes my heart sing. Are you? Will this be your expansion year? What are you ready to feel, accept and embrace as yours, and hold lightly?

Feel free to drop me a line, comment here or on my Facebook page if you need some practical tips.

Have a lovely and expanding rest of the day.

Claudette

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What Does Paul Walker And Jesus Share?

Easter for me was, actually still is, both quiet and full of activities; interactive and reflective.

At the beginning of the season, it was unclear to me how it would evolve, exactly how my four days off the day job would be spent. I knew that my daughter and granddaughter would figure in it at some point. I also knew that seeing my favourite franchise/saga movie - The Fast & The Furious 7 - would be the high volume moment of the long weekend.

Where would time for intentional stillness and reflection fit in?

On Good Friday, my blog post was centred around the question of sin and being crucified for sinning. At the time of writing, it was my impression that I would go off somewhere or at least lock myself away, light candles and meditate until an answer to the question came to me. Then I would write at least two blog posts over the weekend.

No such thing happened. Instead, the last three days were spent in a series of activity, giggling not chanting with my granddaughter, swapping stories with my daughter and getting dating advice from her. Yes, you read that right! I also spent some time checking in with one of the most humble and loyal men that I have ever met and did some redecorating, moving furniture around my apartment.

The movie was a blast and highly recommended to those who like the fast paced action-packed, fill with sexy men and women genre!  As I watched the much anticipated end - how the director/producers/writers handled the death of heartthrob Paul Walker, the answer to my question came.

Jesus died for his "sins," but his death, as was Paul Walker's and every human beings' is a lesson to us all about living.

This was not a new thought for me. Years now I have come into the understanding that we all are children of this glorious Universe. We are all here for a purpose. Jesus, Paul, you and I are all children of a most high creator, a Source that we cannot truly or completely fathom but we can behold in and through each other.

Not an etymologist myself, I have relied on the understanding of "sin" based on what was taught me by the church. However, it was hard for me to comprehend how one man's death "would take away the sins of the world." This was even more difficult, as I witnessed continuous sinning even among those who were preaching the word.

Frankly, I spent many Easters in guilt that I was somehow responsible for Jesus' death.

I came off my cross of guilt several years ago after some research and access to scholars who "opened" up both the Bible and biblical history. Yesterday, as I watched the beautiful ending to Furious 7, and reflecting on the impact that this actor's death had in his community, I fully accepted that like Jesus, we all do what we must, we all miss society's mark, we all choose what is right for us - even if it leads to our death.

Jesus chose Love. He chose to BE and share Love with everyone he encountered. His decision, according to the stories handed down to us, was to be inclusive. For that he "sinned" and paid the price for his decision to live his truth.

Each life is a testament to evolution, no matter the road taken.  

Through Jesus, we have a road map for one path. Through Paul's, we have another - a fast paced, well lit road that is not for all. My testament and yours will leave a trail for those who choose to travel along a similar road. However, it will be their choice as our living and "sinning" is ours.

Jesus indeed is one of the greatest way showers and I personally am grateful for his lead.  Now, over to me and you.

Namaste.

I am pleased to announce that I am now a proud and honoured Member of www.TheWellnessUniverse #WUVIP

Easter Question: Whose Sin Did He Die For?

It can be the most painful and the most heart-enlargening feeling. Love.

This bittersweet feeling that love contains is very real to me. Not meaning to be irreverent, there are times that I have wondered about it as well in the context of the stories taught regarding Jesus' crucifixion. 

Having struggled with the Church's doctrines of not just the Easter story but the birth one as well, for much of my youth and early womanhood I rebelled against the classical teachings.

His love was so great, we are told, that he died for our sins so that we may be forgiven. Yet, I have often wondered whether that sacrifice was willingly made or simply accepted as the natural consequence of "breaking" the law of the land. 

Did Jesus die for our sins or his own?

Before anyone goes ballistic on me for asking the question, understand that I love Jesus. No, not in a religiously fanatical way but as the Wayshower, the Guide and Model for how one can live one's life.

Further, my question is not intended to dispute the Church's doctrine and teaching, nor is it an attempt to debunk any myth that they might have perpetuated. Most certainly they have and even more certainly there are thousands of experts around the world who have shed light on these biblical stories.

My question is intended to move me and hopefully at least one other, to a deeper understanding of love, commitment and sacrifice.

Source: freebibleimages.org

How can we in current times love ourselves, love that which propels us (God, Source, Allah, The Divine, whatever name you choose) and love others so deeply and unconditionally that we commit our BE-ING and sacrifice (set aside) our self-directed actions for a larger purpose?

That is the intention and focus of this question and for the next few days that will be the bottom line of my posts.

I would love to hear your thoughts on what is a developing, looping and evolving series of posts. Do share them with me here or on my coaching page where you will find slices of this pie that I am putting together.

As well, please visit the DOS Foundation page and follow us on Twitter.

Be blessed and have a glorious Holy Thursday.

Namaste.

Other image sources:
kuyperian.com
pinterest.com

Don't Chase Anyone Again!

"You have such long legs!" people would often remark to me when I was a child.  

The usual follow up would be, "Do you run, do track and field in school?"

"No I do not and I wish you all would stop asking me that!" is what the voice in my head responded. However a meek, "No," emanated from my lips because I was too scared they would slap me if I were to let my inside voice out.

I am a fairly tall woman. Not Michelle Obama kind of tall but I do fair justice to height. My daughter, standing at 5' 11" does an even better job and, yes, she got the same question growing up.

Maybe it was guilt or pressure to use my assumed talent for running why I did take to a different kind of athleticism.

I chased people, education, some things and even jobs.

Usain Bolt had nothing on me, particularly when it came to chasing relationships. Platonic or intimate, it mattered not. Starved as I was for the feeling of belonging, friendship and relationship, marathons were my speciality.

Then, I also took "butt-licking" and door-mat skills to greater heights! I was the best.

The challenge, however, was the sassiness that was an inherent part of my personality. I am a thinker, a very independent woman and a go getter, taking whatever risk necessary.  The latter supported my brand of athleticism and licking/mat skills but my mind in tandem with the still small voice often contradicted my behaviour.

Trouble would soon follow.

My friendships and relationships would eventually fall apart. My tongue became too engaged with sharing my views rather than licking and being still. As people departed from my life, my tenure on a much-chased job abruptly ended or I lost or had an item repossessed, it dawned on me that things were really, really not going the way I hoped.

Years would pass before several truism would be revealed, taught and then walked by me. I came to them mainly through the spiritual organization that I was a member of but most were taught to me through my lived experiences.

I offer a couple  to you today as we grow through Day #24 of this Breaking Loose Challenge. This series was designed to help break the ties, thread or chains binding us to a way of life that is no longer working for any of us.

"You become what you are be-ing." That sounds strange, wrong, stupid even but truth be told many live unconsciously and unintentionally. As you continue being a doormat, a marathon runner or an a**-kisser in certain relationships or say on the job, you transform into that in every aspect of your life. We simply cannot box off sections of our lives, thinking one will not seep into the other.

"Whatever you chase will run away." Whether it is friendship, relationship or money, they and it will run away, eluding you. This has been one of the most challenging lessons for me. I got it on the friendship easy enough and my ability to wish people goodbye heightened. It took me great financial 'losses' to absorb the same lesson regarding money and jobs. 

Where it concerns intimate relationships, the jury is still out on that one. As a giving, expressive and openly loving person, I often think to be otherwise is game playing. Regular readers know that I am no "relationship expert," and look to those who are. One such wrote this:

"The most powerful thing you can do is turn away from the person you are chasing and provoke in them the response you are looking for…for them to notice you." Dr. Sherrie Campbell

What I know for sure is that with my sitting down when it comes to certain friendships, jobs, money and 'opportunities', I have saved myself a lot of grief. Paradoxically, the friendships that I do have now are so life-enhancing and my financial resources and employment gets better every day.

There is much more where those came from and I am more than happy to share them with you. Email me, tweet me or visit my coaching page and let us talk more.

In the meanwhile, check the races you are running today; see where you are being a chaser, a doormat or busy licking butts and decide if that is truly serving you.

Have fun no matter what because life is supposed to feel good! Yes it is!

Namaste.

Settle For What? Question #29

I love my job; meaning the one that pays my bills. There are other activities that takes way more of my time than my "day job," but those do not pay me a salary of any size. Those are my calling, my service and my purpose.

When I returned to Canada in April of this year, my intention was to settle for any type of work that paid enough to keep a roof over my head, some food in my tummy and, most importantly, allowed me to stash away money to go back to Jamaica this winter.

Settle. That was what I was prepared to do; settle for any job despite my abundance of qualification and experience.

Two things happened - Life and Lia.

I remember praying as another résumé was about to be sent. The advertisement was about to end that weekend and I hesitated to submit my application , thinking that they must have found a suitable candidate by then.

That was Saturday and on the Monday afternoon as I was exiting the car with my daughter to go in for her 3D ultrasound, my phone rang. By the following Wednesday, I assumed my current position - one of the greatest and most fulfilling jobs that I have ever had!

On July 1, Canada Day, Mahalia, Li-Li or Kitten, whichever of her many names you prefer, arrived. My decision was made soon after to resettle in Canada so that I can enjoy this beautiful little girl while I provide service to one of the greatest nonprofit organizations in Edmonton, Alberta.

Love and Service.

That is my response to today's Question, "Are you settling for something?"

What about you? Share with us here or on our Facebook page and have a great rest of the evening!

Revenge and Romance: What Do They Have in Common?

Question 28:  “What was the last movie you watched?”

Of course I know how to read instructions but going to be a rebel and tell you about the last two movies that I watched.

The second to last movie that I saw was in a cinema, starring my favourite, on most days, male actor – Denzil Washington. The movie was The Equalizer and I have never seen Denzil in a more gruesome and violent role! Leaving the cinema remarked about this to my daughter, who was my movie date – she bought us the tickets, popcorn and drinks – woot, woot!

The story line was a good one, I understand the point of using one’s skills to assist another and in this case, Denzil was a killing machine, a true weapon of mass destruction. Love him to death but this role, fascinating as it was, was not my cup of tea.

This past Sunday, I watched a ‘foreign’ film on Netflix. It was an East Indian production entitled The Lunchbox. I recommended this movie to my Netflix-watching buddy, one of my DOS Sistahs as a human interest story, a tearjerker and one that I was not sure her husband would join her in watching.

Reading today’s Question, No. 28 in our October series and pondering my answer, it struck me that despite the violence of Denzil’s movie and the romance of Lunchbox – they shared common themes – What is the meaning of this life we are called to live?

Have you seen either of these movies?

What was the last movie you watched? Share with us here or on our Facebook page and have a great evening as we are coming to the close of this series.

Namaste

Can We Live In Peace?

The first time I left Jamaica, in fact the first time I boarded an aircraft was at the age of 18 on my way to the former Soviet Union.

Nothing could have prepared me for the next seven years. I knew that at the end of my time in one of the coldest parts of the world, I would be the holder of a Master’s degree but what about all the other things? A husband, a child, fluency in the Russian language, travels and holidays across Europe to name a few.

The greatest learning, however, was the history and cultures of peoples from around the world.

Where and how else would an 18 year old interface, commune, eat, relate, entertain, study and befriend a Congolese, Scandinavians, a Latin American and a British citizen in an hour? The student village where we lived was a virtual United Nations gathering.

I learned to cover my head, take off my shoes, eat a full meal with my fingers and squat to use a public latrine within weeks of our arrival.

My most valuable and lifelong lesson was how to respect diversity in culture, religion, lifestyle and beliefs.

Did I agree with all that I saw, the different ways of being? No and there were times when my own culture clashed with that of others. For example, my first potential boyfriend was from Congo, French-speaking and so madly in love with me. His ways of showing affection was passionate and possessive and that had me running like a bat out of hell.

When my seven years came to an end, I did not want to leave, so enamored with the experience of living internationally locally in Kiev. Jamaica was my home but the world became my domain. I could no longer imagine a life confined to the 10,991 kilometres that Jamaica encompasses.

Image: sodahead.com

I became a citizen of the world.

As the years passed, my quest for Truth deepened. My political views expanded until it exploded – into oblivion. Later, with my exposure to the different religions and spiritual paths, first through my association and membership with The Universal Centre of Truth for Better Living in Jamaica and then my training in pastoral education, combined with my chaplaincy/spiritual counselling service in hospital and penal institutions in Canada, Love became my religion.

Today as many remember the pain and yes, tragedy of 13 years ago, my choice is to look to the beauty in the present. Life is truly a gift, and as the saying goes “that is why it is called the present.” I choose to focus on the unfolding, make room in my heart for the creation of a world much like the one in which I lived in Kiev.

This was a place where fellowship resided; we had peace amidst differences. We coexisted.

“It's the failure to see this planet as a single entity that causes so much pain so many times. You cannot attack one part of the world without it affecting the whole earth, the whole body. Attacking other cultures, other nations, is a self-destructive act. It always comes back on you in some way.”  Gorillaz, Gorillaz: Rise of the Ogre

Is that possible for the rest of the world today? Share your thoughts with us here or on our Facebook page and do enjoy the rest of your day!

Namaste

Love Is...

Claudette Esterine

Love? What is it?

I really do not know.

Could it be that feeling that causes you to sacrifice everything you have worked hard for to the benefit of someone who everyone tells you is not worth it?

Or, is that stupidity?

Could it be that thing that you do for your children, such as staying up all day finishing their science project although your knowledge of anything beyond birds and bees is very narrow?

Or is that pride?

As I watched them wheel my newly born granddaughter off to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, something moved in the base of my belly – in my womb – and I had a near animalistic desire to be with my daughter who was lying recovering from the C-section. They would not allow me in and I felt as if I would kick the doors open and go in anyway.

Is that love?

In our Facebook Group, something floats, bobs and connects all 18 of us. Each of our hearts ache when one is going through a rough time with the boss, a child is acting up, a marriage is crumbling, there is not enough money to pay the bills, or when one is sick and on dying.

We openly rejoice and feel that same floaty, bobbing and connecting thingy when one of us gets a new job, a child or children passes the exams, a Sistah graduates from a University programme, or I have a successful date.

I am sure that is love too.

Love is who we are, what we do, where we will go, how we share and it is When we answer to God’s call.

My heart is somewhat heavy this evening for reasons, affecting my DOS family, that I prefer not to disclose at this point.

What I will say definitively is Love is All that – a verb, a noun, an adjective, a prefix, a suffix – it is every part of our speaking and doing. More than everything, Love is our being.

Have a Love-filled evening!

Namaste

Back to Basics: Four Tips For The Journey

Claudette Esterine

Wednesday is our audio blog day so do listen here!

Transcript

Today we are going back to basics. No, not asking or suggesting that you give up the washing machine, microwave or any of your modern day amenities and take to the hills.

The basics that I am on about today are some fundamental principles that you pick up as you walk this journey called Life.

I want to share four such principles with you. These are things people told me and I either did not listen initially or I bumped into them on my way up from falling flat on my face.

Spitting dust out of my mouth I learnt:

1. What is, is alright
2. Wipe the sweat and keep going
3. Stop touching the hot stove 
4. It is really all about You

In short, what is staring you in the face is here and you cannot change that again. So deal with it. Do not throw in the towel. Wipe the sweat (or the tears) with it and keep going - in a new direction, a more intentional one.

There was one principle that was very hard for me to get and that was to keep my hands off the proverbial stove. For the life of me, I kept putting it back; checking I guess whether it was really hot! Whether it was the men I chose to be in relationship with, the way I allowed some people to treat me or the financial decisions that I made - I kept getting burned!

Only now, 40+ years later I got it! If it burns me once there is no value in putting my hand back on that stove. If he slaps me once, why wait around for him to knock my teeth out? If my so-called girlfriend is always too busy when I call to do anything, why call again?

Finally, I got it that the trajectory of my life, my happiness with it and my sense of ownership of it begins and ends with me!

Tracy Chapman has a song that I listen to quite frequently.  "At This Point In My Life" speaks to me in a very profound way. Life, as she sings, is for living as if only Love matters. I would add self-love first and foremost as these four principles are grounded in an understanding that you love You!

Wherever you are emotionally right now, whether single or hitched, spend some time going over these Four Life Basics and share with me how you are living them.

Drop me a line, leave a comment here or on our Facebook page. I look forward to it.

Enjoy the rest of the journey today!

Namaste

Let Us Make Memorial Days History

"I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, "Mother, what was war?" Eve Merriam

Seven years of my life were spent in the former Soviet Union. Kiev in the Ukraine to be exact.

I got there several years after Brezhnev's death, several month's before Andropov did the same and on time to witness the launch of "glasnost and perestroika" by Gorbachev.

All through those years, there was a constant diet of war talk. There were the parades celebrating the past "glories," the television programmes reliving the campaigns against the "imperialist," Hitler and everyone in between. Old men, veterans gathered each day on park benches to regal anyone who would listen of their storming of some distant shore. With more medals on their breasts than teeth in some of their mouths, the stories of hunger, death and destruction terrified rather than inspired me.

Coming from a small island nation, far removed from the wars in Europe, it was hard for me to relate. The closest Jamaica ever came to physically witnessing the attack of the agency of one nation on another country would have been The Bay of Pigs invasion in 1961. I was not born yet to have experienced any impact that it may have had on our island. The next such incident would be the invasion of Grenada by the United States in 1983.

The late Maurice Bishop (Jamaica Observer image)

The news of this latter invasion and the murder of Maurice Bishop devastated me. I was a student in the former Soviet Union, recently arrived, when I heard. It was days before my raging anger subsided, spurred by the anti-American rhetoric of my hosts. Decades later and I still recall the late Bishop with fondness and some amount of pride related to his tenacity to lead his country along a more self-reliant path.

The anger towards, mistrust and hate of one people towards another, however, has no resting place in me.

Many have given their lives across the world, on one side of the fence or the other battling in "defense" and in service of their countries. I join those paying homage to fallen soldiers from the United States and indeed across the world today.

Yet, I remain a contemporary pacifist.

"The world has achieved brilliance without wisdom, power without conscience. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. We know more about war that we know about peace, more about killing that we know about living." Omar Bradley

War and violence, much the same as Love and respect breed their own. I am one who would rather have love babies.

Anyone who has been in a relationship with me will tell you that I will stay up two days straight and talk things through. Violent, malicious and hate-filled actions will never come from me.

Maybe there is a hippie in me as in our Guest Author +Karen Jeanette. Love to me is always the answer. Whether that means we are going to try and resolve our differences or go our separate ways, my preferred platform for that decision is a loving one.

I am not naïve to believe that nations can always join hands and sing Kumbaya to solve their differences. Something and hindsight tell me, however, that it is the way we start the "relating" that determines how it evolves. Let us therefore listen more keenly and hear more deeply what each other has to say.

"War does not determine who is right — only who is left." Bertrand Russel

One of the many reasons that I am proud to say "I am Canadian," is due to this country's proud history of peacekeeping. May that never change.

I look forward to the day when we will spend way more valuing lives rather than shedding tears at war memorials. Until that day comes, let each of us in our small corner shine the Light of Love, Peace, Respect and Mutual Understanding.

Share your thoughts here and do visit and Like our Facebook page. You can also follow us on Twitter.

Have a peace-filled day. Namaste

Love: Thy Will Be Done

Claudette Esterine

"Thy will, not mine." Is that a 'prayer' you have uttered? If you have, is there a time or situation in which you do so the most?

In my case, this re-commitment prayer is usually invoked when things are Topsy-Turvy and I have too many choices to make. Really close friends will tell you never to ask me what I would like to eat when my sugar level has dropped. Bordering on delusional and hallucinatory, it could take me hours to answer that question. Just feed me whatever you think best - it is in your hands.

The same is true in those turning point moments. With many choices or possible roads to take, there are times when confusion sets in. For many years, my choice would be the one that makes "the other" happy; the one for the relationship; the one that earns me the most money or the choice in the interest of the child.

Fear has a way of urging you to choose against yourself.

Afraid of being alone, broke, with no friends or, worse yet no family, we tend to make choices that does not consider our own hearts. We choose loving others over ourselves. "I can do that later," is often the consolation we give our hearts.

Maybe

Image: godisheart.blogspot.com

you can but is that the most loving thing to do?

"You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don't know it, all of that doesn't even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away."
C. JoyBell C.

Here is an irony: the greatest lesson in loving oneself was taught to me by my ex! I was told that I was being dumped as the pursuit of self was most important at the time.

It took me a couple suicide attempts, financial loss due to the breakup, several horrible dates and a disastrous marriage to a man with serious mental health issues I knew not of prior to tying the knot, for the lesson to sink in!

Finally I had enough! Tired of trying to make ends meet, living to suit others and ensure their safety and wellbeing and moving on fully from the memories of my greatest teacher of Love, I decided to give Me first shot at my heart.

Since then, I have stumbled, people have come into my experience with ulterior motives and so-called family who abandoned me for 30+ years reappeared heralding their love. Yet, I am managing to remain focussed, keeping my eyes as fixed as possible in the mirror.

Even as this is being written, another choice is before me. I heard myself muttering the words: "Thy Will be done, not mine." This time there is a difference.

I really do mean it!

Share your experience with me regarding your ability to unselfishly put you first. Sounds paradoxical in a world that teaches us self-sacrifice. However, as on an aircraft, if you don't put on the oxygen (love) mask first, you are of no use to anyone.

Leave a comment here or on our Facebook page. You may also follow us on Twitter.

Continue to have a love-filled day!

Claudette Esterine is the Founder of Daughters of Sheba Foundation and Editor of our blog. She is a Jamaican-Canadian and a Free Spirit.

Going With The Flow - In Pictures

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." Lao Tzu 

I have lived a very tumultuous, interesting, mind boggling and too risky life for some. Yet, I would not exchange it for anyone else's journey.  "Go with the flow," is a concept that only in more recent years I have consciously allowed to have its way in my life.

Looking back, however, I am seeing that there are many moments that "the flow" swept me up, carried me downstream to my healing place.

Here are a few such moments. These pictures cover the period late 2006 - 2009, my recovery from attempted suicide after the 16-year love of my life walked out to the beginning of another mistake.

My daughter and I at our Citizenship Swearing in

We migrated to Canada in pursuit of freedom and happiness. Unfortunately, no one told us that that is to be found within. Four years into the hunt, my then partner decided to saddle up with someone else.

Blessing Our Meal

A large part of the reason why I do not discriminate against persons of other ethnic groups, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status or those challenged by mental health issues is that these were the angels who supported me through the darkest hours of my life.

Dancer getting ready for the Pow wow

They brought me food, took me out, distracted and cared for me like family. We spent Christmas together and they watched over me like hawks. My Aboriginal friends embraced me and swept me up into their culture. Their spiritual practices and ceremonies became integral parts of my healing process.

A day at the lake

When Love was having her way with me and my friends thought it was time, they led me to the river bank and patiently waited until my shuddering stopped. They took my hand and guided me back into the water and gently pushed my boat downstream.

The Rocky Mountains from Banff

It was on this "cruise" that I met my next mate. Only time would reveal that it was too early. In the meanwhile, he helped me to explore my still fairly new home. Banff and Calgary, Alberta became my new hiding and healing places. I relaxed into my new identity as Canadian and Albertan.

View from Calgary Stampede

My new friend - a Clydesdale horse

Things would change in a few years. New corners to be taken, different bumps in the road and many of plot twists.

Yet, the one thing I would do differently was to go more easily with the flow. An unknown writer said, "Don’t over-think things. Go with the flow. See where it takes you. Love is unpredictable, you know."

As this chapter of my life is being written, each day that I open my eyes and see that I am still here, my prayer is for more Love to flow in and through me. That is the stream that I am cruising along. There will be pictures and this revolution will be digital! Namaste

Do share some pictures of your flow moments and adventures with us here, or on our Facebook page. You can also follow us on Twitter.

Let No Man Put Asunder

"What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." The Bible, Mark 10:9

Claudette Esterine

No such words were said 'over' my first husband and I before we were declared man and wife. Come to think of it, they WERE said by the minister as he sent my last husband and I off into marital bliss.

Yet, as my spiritual guides always remind me: "Words do not teach, only life experiences."

"Asunder," is a word that I have not only heard but experienced and what it taught me is that 'love' is not enough.

Divorce remains a profitable business for lawyers and counsellors in many countries, particularly those in North America and throughout the European Union. The Canadian Encyclopedia, for example, indicates that while marriage remains an important social institution in this country, the rate continue to decline. More and more people are either choosing not to marry and remain single or live 'common law'. The 2011 census revealed that the marriage rate dropped three percent over a 10 year period, with only 67% of Canadian families headed by (heterosexual) married couples.

"50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri." This information is courtesy of a website called Divorce Rate and you can check the statistics for several countries around the world there.

Image: quomodocomque.wordpress.com

My question therefore is, are we self-prophesying or is it just 'hard' to stay married or at least in a committed relationship?

On my way to a brainstorming session yesterday, a woman revealed to me that she and her husband were calling it quits after 23 years of marriage. She said that she was at peace with the decision, now that it has been made and it is all systems go in terms of dividing their joint property.

Her words took me back to my own experiences of dividing communal property. It is something I never want go through again in this life.

What I also have no desire to experience again is heartbreak. Listening to this lady, I was not sure if she would 'chance' loving again - in the romantic sense.

My girlfriends tell me I will. Truth be told, I have but one experience was such a betrayal of trust that it 'ruined' me for the second.

Maybe I will have a chance to speak with my new acquaintance and share with her the Rumi quote I came across early this morning. Dr. Janice Chang is the Rumi 'expert' among us but when this quote came up in my search result, its relevance was unmistakable:

"Love is the cure for, your pain will keep giving birth to more pain until your eyes constantly exhale love as effortlessly as your body yields its scent." Rumi

Getting married a second or even third time might work for some. It certainly did not for me. My experience of being "put asunder," time and time again has been disempowering, disruptive and destructive to my personhood and my heart.  Until my "eyes constantly exhale" and saw only Love, the pain kept having babies.

Finally I learnt and also know for sure that only when one's heart gives love without thought or concern for its return, that Love is the constant experience.

The lesson I am now learning, and I smiled last night seeing it being taught to my new acquaintance, is that Love comes through many channels. We often block the flow of Love to us by expecting it from a particular height, weight or even gendered person. Hence the numerous broken relationships as we are disappointed when the substance of the individual does not match form.

Will I marry again? No. 
Will I Love again? I never stopped once I got it.

What about you? Have you been married more than once? Are you still looking for love or are you now open to the experience of Love?

Share your thoughts with me here or on our Facebook page. You can also follow us on Twitter.

Have a great Earth Day and be Love.


Claudette Esterine is the Founder of Daughters of Sheba Foundation and Editor of our blog. She is a Jamaican-Canadian and a Free Spirit.