Beauty & Truth Telling: Miss Universe 2015

So Miss Jamaica, Kaci Fennell, did not win the the title of Miss Universe 2015.

No, I have not gone loopy and started following or taking a keen interest in beauty pageants. Beauty remains much further than skin deep in my books.

That apparently is the bone of contention, particularly among Miss Jamaica's followers on the island and on Twitter. Many claim that she did not win because of her nontraditional, Halle Berryesque hairstyle. What they all seem to believe is that she had the most honest and truthful response to the question, "What is your country's greatest contribution to the world?"

Miss Jamaica shared her view that Bob Marley and Usain Bolt are the island's greatest contributions. According to the commentaries, the few that I indulged in, that was what not only lost her the crown but relegated her to fifth place.

Now, if you could imagine me in a bathing suit, sauntering and twisting on a stage other than the one in my imagination in front of a fitting room mirror, that would not have been my response. However, I am not knocking Ms Fennel for hers. It was the truth as she feels it.

Beauty pageants, some job interviews, religious organizations, even family and friends have set answers to questions that they pose to you. Seemingly asking you what do you think, the expectation is that you will regurgitate what they taught, fed or hope that you learned.

If the commentators are correct, Miss Jamaica's answer did not win her this particular prize. Those who have lost coveted prizes by responding truthfully as they see things well understand what she might be feeling the morning after.

In the end, if her response was in fact her truth, she won. The glamour and glory of being crowned Miss Universe will last for a year, maybe two. After that, she would be the girl who won in 2015.

The lesson gained by telling her truth will last her this lifetime and beyond.

This story is opportune for me to present my understanding of dysfunction bred in lies and dis-ingenuity. Imagine had she given a different response, one that was a lie to her heart but would raise her acceptance level among the judges, Miss Fennel would have to keep up that story.

The mythical or not so depending on your view - gaydar is one that I possess. It is almost as good as my bullshitdar. While I might allow you to spread your blend of crap to me, do not let my smile comfort you to believe that your lies are not clear to me.

Silence is often my response to untruths. However, if it is important enough to my well being, that of my loved ones or in the interest of those who are temporarily "voiceless,' I will not hesitate to call you on your bull.

Having lived the better part of 40 years in a cesspool of lies, deceit and betrayal, I am so allergic to those who peddle in it. Up until she was almost 18 years old, my daily diet to my daughter was, "Do not lie to me! Tell me the truth and I will deal with whatever it is!" I think she got it, at least enough to be quiet around me rather than tell me crap.

Beauty pageants and competitions based on external features will never get my attention for longer than a few tweets and a Facebook post here and there. I am a womanist and believe in the fullness, wholeness and completeness of all human beings that require no placing of first, second or last.

Yet, whether it was her intention or not, Miss Kaci Fennel repeated an important lesson last night - "Speak the truth and speak it ever, cost it what it will."

All the best young lady!

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Have a truth- filled day.

Photo source: dailymail.co.uk

Honesty: Such A Lonely Word These Days

Today is Honesty Day and as it is a Wednesday, we have an audio blog on the topic. Listen here.

TRANSCRIPT

"M. Hirsh Goldberg, former press secretary to a governor of Maryland and author of five books, created National Honesty Day in the early 1990s after spending four years researching and writing The Book of Lies (Morrow). This book has been translated into Japanese, Korean and Chinese.

Goldberg created this day, because he felt that the month of April, which begins with a big day of lying (April Fools Day), should end on a higher moral note."

I am fast coming to the conclusion that many people prefer liars.

Storytelling is my hobby, craft and may even be my sole livelihood one day. It, however, has not and will never be the means through which I endeavour to get a lover, a job or wealth.

The "stories" I tell or better said, "share," are those of my journey. Frankly, there are enough twists and turns in my life's plot thus far for me to embellish my sharing.

You would think the same is true of the man sitting or languishing in prison, or the woman whose car was repossessed and her house sold from under her to pay her debt.

Is it denial or some misguided understanding of the "positive thinking" philosophy when a person tries to convince another of their wealth while driving a taxi for a living?

No, I am not suggesting here that a Taxi driver cannot amass wealth, especially if they have great money management skills and investment advice. However, take the guy who tried to give me this story. He said that he owns a multimillion dollar property that he has rented and it brings in couple thousand US dollars per month.  Given his age and the overall state of the Jamaican economy in the last few years, and the fact that he was driving an unlicensed taxi, I asked him how did he come into this property.

The story that followed was so outrageous and thickly coated in fable, it was annoying. To top it off, this grown man was unable to put more than a few litres of gas in his car. He had invited me out and while I am hardly the type of woman who expects to be regaled at anyone's expense, my 'well to do' acquaintance could only buy a bottle of water - which he needed more than I did, as his throat was parched, for all the tales he was spinning.

Do people lie and pathologically so because there are so many who listen and unquestioningly accept their stories as true?

Personally, I have done so in the past. In my fear of losing a 'friendship', a relationship or even a job, I went along with the stories. Turned a blind eye, as the saying goes, to the misdeeds of those in authority, said nothing to contradict the fable being told by politicians and friends alike. Fear immobilized me and zipped my lips.

Then I swung to the other end of the pendulum. You know the saying, "brutually honest?" Well that is what I became. Sparing no words, I would tell you and you and you as it is. Calling anyone to the mat became my hobby...until I noticed a couple things.

It made no difference as people will do, say and be what they want, for as long as they wanted. That was the first thing. Secondly, I was the one being hurt and angered by the brutality of my honesty.

Mahatma Gandhi's famous words was my saving grace. "Be the change that you wish to see in the world." When that sunk all the way down into my heart, my silence and my brutual honesty ended.

Some think that I have lost my fire. Maybe I have.

I am no longer interested in debating the rightness or wrongness of anyone's behaviour or words. My interest lies solely in my own words from which my deeds flow.

Do I tell a lies, engage in dishonesty? Yes, it is a process - one that took me many years to learn so it will take some time and lots of practice to unlearn. In the time that honesty - full disclosure, complete truth telling and open communication became my hallmark, inner peace has been a constant companion.

Another thing that I have noticed is that those would be liars who come into my experience, attracted by the remnants of my own dishonest behaviour, are soon repelled. Their true colours are more easily spotted and I more quickly ask them to leave my space or I walk away.

Is truth telling an important factor in your decision to be in relationship with anyone? Are you a truth teller?

Share with me on our Facebook page or leave a comment here. We would love to connect with you on Twitter as well.

Continue to have a truth-filled day! Namaste