Return To Sender

Having only left there less than a year prior, it was my intention to celebrate my 50th birthday elsewhere. Bermuda was my choice but my daughter, who had invited herself and my granddaughter along for the trip, really wanted us to go to our island home of Jamaica.

We migrated to Canada now almost 14 years ago, however, my heart remained in Jamaica for the longest while.

My past was there and during my five months stay I had hoped to retrieve it.

Much like a time traveller, somewhere in my mind there was the notion that I could go back and fix things, undo others and change the course of even more. My stay on the island from November 2013 to April 2014 was a dismay as I was unable to do any of that. My past was gone.  

There was only empty spaces, places and lots of memories to greet me.

Retreating to my hostess's home after one desperate trip to catch even a glimpse of the back of my past, wanting to just shake a fist at it for its cruelty to me, it dawned on me around 3:00 a.m. that it was time to return to Canada.

Time to go to Me.

Until then, my life had never truly been about me. First, it was centred on my mother and her needs, demands and expectations that I had to fulfill. All the empty spaces of her past were tunnels that my life was designated to close.

My daughter was third in line, after the "love of my life." Sixteen years it would be before I would turn my attention fully towards my baby. No, she was not neglected, far from it. Every cent that I earned went to her keep, education and entertainment. Well, every cent that my mother did not get. After the breakup and my breakdown along with it, my eyes zoomed in on my daughter. Side-ward glances to short lived distractions including another marriage but even that was for the benefit of my baby girl.

Suffocated by me ever presence and intrusion in her life, my daughter and I were estranged for many months. It was only then that the journey to me began in somewhat of an earnest.

This trip led me along a lonely, tiring, soul deadening, possession-losing, close to homelessness path. It was during this period that my determination to return to my past, bittersweet as it was, heightened. I scrounged and saved every penny possible and bought a one way ticket for home.

Five months later I realised that I had returned home but had not unpacked.

Now April 2015 and  I am physically back in my Canadian home of Edmonton, Alberta. It is where my daughter and my precious granddaughter reside. In just over a week, I would have been back one year. In that time, my return has brought me full circle to where it all began 50 years ago.

To Me.

Happy with my visit to my past, I am not returning. Grateful for all that I have learned along the way, the rest of my life is and will continue to be the best of my life. I have everything: Love, peace and an ever flowing stream of abundance.  I no longer have anything that I can lose as none of my "everything" is dependent on another human being.

That is the blesson of returning.

Share your thoughts on this or any of the posts in this blog. You may leave a comment here or on my coaching page. I look forward to exchanging thoughts with you.

Namaste,

 Claudette

Experience Life's Abundance Now!

Claudette Esterine

"Abundance" is one of those lightening rod words in my experience. Whenever I use it, the reaction either in myself or others is instantaneous.

Yet abundance is not just a word. It is something to be experienced, a state of be-ing.

Previously, I mentioned my mother and the words she would use to describe herself. What I learned observing the trajectory of her life is that words are indeed indicative of the experiences we will create. Hence, I tend to be very careful of the words that I use to describe myself, my circumstances and others.

Yet, I am fully aware that the words, such as abundance, in and of themselves have no true power. It is the feeling, the intensity of my emotions that energizes the words, whether positively or negatively.

Ask me how I am doing and my response to you will most likely be, "I am well." No matter what happened last night, what I had or did not have for breakfast, whether I am in a relationship or if there is only a loonie (C$1.00) in my purse.

Image: examiner.com

I try to "speak into my life," only what I want to experience and Abundance is my constant desire.

That is often misunderstood by some. 

They assume that abundance means money and only money. I do not. What I know for sure and practice as often as possible is that there is enough of everything for everyone. Whenever I am able to keep my mind focussed on this one Truth: that we live, move and have our being in an abundant Universe AND I give thanks that it is so - abundance appears to me more fully.

Recent examples of how Abundance turned up in my experience:

• My health has been a challenge for decades and I have struggled or simply ignored its deterioration. Then recently, after stating to myself and asking Source to guide me, a friend who I had not seen in 20+ years gave me an ultimatum to either try a supplement she is promoting or continue to brush her off. She gave me a bottle for free and the results were so significant after three days of taking them that I became a distributor. Good health is now abundantly my experience.

• I traveled to Jamaica late last year with the intention of possibly staying. Things turned out to be very different from what I anticipated and had discussed with a couple people. Surprised but grounded in my faith in an abundant Universe, I asked to be shown what next. Within two weeks of that request, I was on a flight back to Canada, in my original community of Edmonton (a place where I am most comfortable) and in the best job that I could imagine! 

The same happens with money, relationships, anything that I prayerfully surrender my predetermined ideas, my negativity and confirm my knowledge that abundance is available to me.

Angels, appearing as friends, call me with wire transfer information, dead-end people suddenly disappear from my space (and I do not miss them), refunds or bargains that I had not expected or anticipated are given to me.

Image: poojycat.wordpress. com

Generally people find this hard to believe. They think it is Hocus-Pocus or some New Age nonsense. Well, too bad - for them! The Universe is abundant in one thing - Love and It shares its Love in a myriad of ways, through channels you could never anticipate.

However, you have to be open to It.  Are you?

"God will overflow your cup, so grab the biggest one you can find." Rob Liano

Share your experience of Abundance with me here or on our Facebook page. You can also send us a tweet. Looking forward to connecting with you.

Enjoy the abundance of this day!