What Is The Price of Gasoline? Question of the Day 6

Between the time that I passed the first gas station this morning and now, the price of gasoline in Edmonton dropped from C$1.13 per litre to $1.08.

If you are like me, to answer the Question of the Day you had to check online.

Yes, I drove close by a couple stations but did not pull in to check. My tank is just below ¾ full and as I have no plans for a day trip between now and the weekend, that amount of gasoline will more than take me to and from work for the next few days.

Truth be told, whether I have a trip or not, I never check the price of gasoline. What is the point?

The price will not affect my plans. Neither am I going to waste gas driving around searching for the “best deal.”

Do you?

When I first read this question around 2:30 this morning, my immediate thought was “What a piece of nonsense for a question of the day?” As I ponder it more, it struck me that there was more to the question than the price of gas. What the question did for me was it caused me to:

1. Find out the price of gas
2. Realise that no matter the price, there are some things you just buy if you want to or if it supports your feeling of wellbeing.

Soon after I returned to Canada in April of this year, I started looking at car prices. At the time, I was staying at my daughter’s and there were already two cars in the household. None belonged to me. What this meant was either having to fit into someone else’s schedule or take public transportation.

The bus service in Edmonton is pretty good but not as linked as Toronto’s to the train service. There are parts of the city that is not connected, not yet, to the city trains. It makes a trip to the farthest points, well, far. As I was in the job hunting mode, that limitation restricted the areas that I could apply for jobs.

I needed my own car.

Within three weeks of being back, I was more than gainfully employed and by the end of the second month, I owned my own car.  For some, owning a car is a luxury and I understand that. For me, it is not only a necessity but tantamount to freedom – my sense of independence required my having the keys to my own car. I had been a car owner since the 1990’s and temporarily “lost” that status for the two years that I lived in Toronto.  It was not a state that was pleasant for me – no matter the price of gasoline.

Image: heinz.com

It is like ketchup. I have tried eating other brands of ketchup but ever since the day that I was introduced to Heinz Ketchup, no other satisfies my need, yes need, for ketchup on my eggs. It’s Heinz ketchup or none at all.

The same is true for gasoline price. Whatever the price, I am buying.

Some things you do not compromise on – ketchup and fuel for your freedom, correct?

Share your answer with us on our Facebook page or here and continue to buy gas and ketchup! LOL

Question of the Day: Who Did You Hug Today?

Image: pinterest.com

It is almost 5:00 p.m. and I have not come across one person who I would not have to chase them down for a hug!

That is one of the differences with living in Jamaica and living in Canada – people in the latter country are not generally hug-friendly.

Later this evening, I am supposed to be meeting a friend for a quick bite so my thought was I would get one hug in for the day then. That, however, would not be until late evening, well beyond the time that this blog is usually posted.

“If only my daughter would have come by with Kitten instead of the video call earlier on Tango,” I mournfully thought.

Eyes glued to my computer screen as I worked on performance target for my team, I heard a familiar voice saying, “Hello, hello, anybody here?” It was the evening office cleaner but why would she be asking that? She knows at least three or more of us would be here at this time of the evening.

Then I heard the pitter-patter of tiny feet. I swivelled in my chair to see one of the most beautiful child ever! It was the cleaner’s grand-baby and she was rushing to one of my staff to give her a hug!!!

Hardly able to contain myself, I yelped, “Come here sweetheart!” Without missing a step or a beat, this angel rushed over to me and threw her arms around my neck and yes, gave me the tightest hug a three year old can!

Of course as soon as she jumped on my lap, I asked her grandmother whether I could take a picture. So here is my “hug” of the day so far.

Did you hug anyone today? Who was it? Share with us here or on our Facebook page and be sure to visit us thee for tomorrow’s question of the day.

Namaste.

Quality Time - Who Was Your Last?

“Who is the last person you spent quality time with?”

That is the question of the day from our list of 31 Questions for October. This list was compiled in 2012 by Tami Taylor. 

For the month of October we will answer one of these questions and when I read the one for today (as noted above), my first thought was, “Well that would be Me, of course!” I spend so much quality time with myself that it seemed like the most logical answer. However, I thought about it more and the next person that sprung to mind was my almost three month old granddaughter, Mahalia.

Kitten, as I call her (or Li-Li as her mother calls her) and I spend at least one day a week together. Mainly on a Saturday, she arrives at my place with stroller, car seat and bag well packed to spend the day with me. Things usually progress quite well, with her insisting that I snuggle her close to me for most of the time. My skill set has vastly increased with having to learn how to mix a bottle of feed while holding her in my arms or using the facilities with her watching me. As I was saying, things usually progress quite well and on the last visit, Kitten actually flashed me a couple smiles and gurgle/babbled at me for a minute or two.

The time I get to spend with this little girl is some of the most precious hours – until 5:00 p.m. when her internal clock tells her that it is time for her mother to return and get her. All hell breaks loose and her wailing is not only piercing but unending. Maybe I ought not admit this but hey, I cannot lie. After 15 minutes of this, I too am wailing for her mother to come.

Speaking of mother, that is the last person that I would finally nominate as the one I spent quality time with. An adult.

My daughter and my journey has been like that of most mothers and daughters – rocky once the teenage years came. Abigail is one of the sweetest and most stubborn women you will ever meet. She is quietly strong-willed. My daughter has mastered the art of being a blend of my best traits and her very own. That oftentimes has been challenging for me – to meet me in my child.

Last weekend, I spent several hours with this beautiful woman. We shopped, caught a movie and chatted about our lives and our past. It was a healing time for me (if not for her). We swapped stories of our love lives, the fleeting one in my case. We laughed at memories and silently prayed for a more interesting and exciting journey for Li-Li.

Yes, the most interesting person that I spent quality time with recently is my daughter, Abigail Ayesha.

Who did you spend quality time with recently or even today? Share with us here or on our Facebook page. Be sure to check our page tomorrow, October 2, for the Question of the Day.

Namaste

Read our Last Post: Would You Pose Bucknaked For Love?

Would You Pose Bucknaked For Love?

Claudette

Here are some of the things I will not do to be in a relationship. They might seem strange but as a dear departed man I knew always loved to say, "Fact is sometimes stranger than fiction!"

In order to find "love," be in an intimate relationship and/or maintain my current friendships or make new ones, I will not:

1. Betray my core principles of truth always, fairness, maximum respect and loyalty
2. Lend more money than I can afford to not have returned.
3. Pay my partner's personal bills (eg., student loans, alimony, car note, child support, etc)
4. Pose for nude pictures with or without my partner in it
5. Live with in-laws ( did it twice and never to be repeated
6. Have a Brazilian wax done to satisfy my partner
7. Be involved in a three-some

Those are on my shortlist because I have either been recently asked whether I would or had others do to me as it relates to #1.

I have done some crazy things in my life, at the behest of others or from a feeling of "need to" in order to keep the relationship or friendship alive.

Since 2011, I have been living alone with the intermittent break of staying with a friend while on extended vacation or with my daughter while I resettled. What those years have taught me is that:

• I love my own company

• I really do not NEED a partner or anyone to "make me happy"

• My spiritual life is richer and deeper in solitude.

I will not do anything for love (as we loosely use the word).

Recently on a dating site a man told me he was very attracted to me after several conversations. Then he shared that he is a cancer survivor and his sexual performance has been affected by the disease. He said that should we meet and hit it off, and eventually decide to become intimate, I would need to inject his sexual organ in order for us to copulate. The conversation ended there.

I am not doing that for love nor money.

Another one wanted me to visit his hometown, and like a marching band be paraded around town, meeting the mayor and all. When I questioned the reason for this itinerary, he admitted that his previous girlfriend unceremoniously dumped him and I was to be his new trophy.

I will not be that for love, money or show.

Image: pinterest.com

There are women and men who will do anything to prevent being alone or in the case of this man, to save face. A favourite statement of mine to my friends is that "my shame tree died long ago!" I am way to busy doing me to care what others think about my life.

One solid lesson that I have learnt is that if you allow them to, people will have you standing on your head, acting the fool for their pleasure. Many will say they love you as long as you are living according to their demands.

If I have to be anything other than who I am to be your lover or friend - I would rather remain alone.

Would you - do anything for love? What would that be? Share with us here or on our Facebook page.

Do enjoy the rest of the evening!

Sex, Please And Thank You

Me, I want it. Sex.

Well just as much as I want to love and be loved.

Prude I am not. Neither am I too spiritual, biblical or religious to deny my physical need. Yes, sex is a need and I will most certainly not agree with any arguments otherwise. It is also a desire – in which case or on which occasion it might be better to say, it can be postponed.

This I know for sure – a sexless marriage is a dead marriage. Again I am not willing to debate this as I have lived it, observed others who have – both informally and clinically.

Sex is not a sin.

My attempt here is to be clear not controversial. Being real is my way of operating and at no point in time will I ever be hypocritical to woo an audience or in this case readership.

Sex is not a sin. It can be a mistake:

• With the wrong person
• When participated in at an inopportune time
• Engaged in exchange for financial or other material benefit

Sex outside of marriage – here I go – is not a crime: moral or otherwise.

Sex without deep emotional attachment can be fun but can be painful for one or both parties.

Children, teenagers and even emotionally unstable people ought not to engage in sexual acts until they are of age, mentally prepared for the inevitable responsibilities and/or emotionally capable of handling the act not going past what it is – an act.

Love and sex combined form a most splendorous expression. Yet, speaking for myself and all those who are too shy to, you can deeply love someone (husband, wife, lifelong partner) but sex between you has lost its zest.

Is this straight talk enough for you? Well share your view with us here or on our Facebook page. For the record, sometimes short in many things, including a blog post and sex, can be very interesting and exciting.

Have a great night!

Want Respect? Then Be It.

This will be a short post, reason being there is no sense in belabouring the points. They are self-explanatory.

Respect. What is respect and how do you get it?

Many believe that respect is something you get or earn. Watched a fellow on YouTube who feels that respect is taken.

All these views hold truth. It is also true that you get what you give. So, give respect and get respect. However, as I believe that your deepest intention, regardless of your words, determines what comes to you, if you are simply lip syncing "respect" but not behaving respectfully, then you cannot get it.

My view is this: You have to BE RESPECT to experience respect.

So, how do you "become" respect? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Love yourself no matter what or where you are in life.
2. Honour your truth, no matter what others think, say or do.
3. Take care of #1 first - that is you.
4. Do not "sacrifice" your dreams and aspirations for anyone else's

I am sure that some of you reading this think that I am pushing selfishness. Actually, I am not. What I have come to learn and know after many years of doing otherwise is that whatever I want to experience I must become.

Respect involves love, honour, taking care/nurturing and pursuit of happiness. You have to be a loving, honourable, caring and happy person for yourself to respect those qualities in others.

Try it. Start embodying respect in these ways. I promise you that once you do and stop talking about respect, significant changes will start occurring in your life and relationships.

Have a great rest of the evening and remember you can always comment here or on our Facebook page on any of the topics we cover.

Namaste

You Win Some Or You Get Life Lessons!

Claudette Esterine

Managing people tends to be, at least in my experience, a lot more about working with varying, conflicting and when you are lucky, complementary personalities.

Some time ago, one of my DOS Sistahs sent me a message in which she shared her admiration of my skill to keep our Group together with all of our foibles, quirks, perspectives, etc. I was humbled by her remark as it was affirmation of my lessons and the fact that I was not doing a bad just applying the wisdom of them.

Very often in the past, I have said to my daughter that it would be great if she would learn from her grandmother’s and my own mistakes and make some new ones. Well, some days I see evidence that she heard me and is very busy taking some new life classes. Other days, I am challenged to believe that she heard a word that I said much less realised that the mistake she is about to make was long ago made by me.

Tempted as I am to protect her, my lesson now is in keeping my mouth shut. Why? Simple - “Sometimes we win; sometimes we learn.”

Growing up most of us heard a different ending to that fabulous quote and title of his book from Dr. John Maxwell. We were told sometimes you lose. Looking over my own life, I have to say that it was erroneous for adults to have told me that. They actually tried and succeeded to some extent to make me into a coward – afraid to make mistakes, scared to take a chance.

Thankfully, that lasted for only sixteen years of my life. Possibly less, as I became a true risk taker.

Now after 40+ years, my journey is full of lessons learnt. Almost halfway through my time on Earth, if you believe that a century is the new average time limit, I am so excited about the new missteps that are ahead.

“I sometimes react to making a mistake as if I have betrayed myself. My fear of making a mistake seems to be based on the hidden assumption that I am potentially perfect and that if I can just be very careful, I will not fall from heaven. But a mistake is a declaration of the way I am, a jolt to the way I intend, a reminder that I am not dealing with facts. When I have listened to my mistakes, I have grown.” Hugh Prather

Here are a few of my losses and the learnings that I received:

Loss:  Parent (Mother) could not afford to keep me in High School after Grade 11 as most of my class mates, so I had to drop out at that level and find a job.

Learning:  Got a part time job using my basic secretarial training in high school, paid my way through night classes for Business Administration courses; upon graduation got a job as a junior legal secretary and volunteered at a local political party office, where I gained lots of experience in data entry, typing and started to learn basic speech writing and communications skills. Through this connection, I obtained a full scholarship to University in Eastern Europe.

Loss:  Separated from the man who I thought was the love of my life, my country and all that was familiar to me. Arrived in a place where the colour of my skin placed me at a grave disadvantage and my gender and age made me vulnerable.

Learning: Survival skills kicked in and turned up to heights I never knew I was capable of. Obtained a Master’s degree, travelled extensively across Europe, became fluent in Russian, met people from all over the world, political knowledge and savvy increased, got married and divorced for the first time, and best of all, had my beautiful daughter.

Loss:  The most meaningful intimate relationship of my life ended after 16 years.

Learning: That I am truly a survivor and able to thrive under any circumstance.

Those are just three of the seemingly big losses of my life. I could have given up or given in on all occasions, thrown pity parties – and in fact I attempted to do both but Something stopped or halted me.  These three examples held the seeds of some of my greatest learnings/lessons.

Today’s focus is on intimate relationships and the last example above is my best of my repertoire of loss in love and lesson in life.  What I was blessed by ex with through this loss was confirmation of my will to survive and thrive. Yes, my life looks differently in many ways today – I am happier, more free, more Me.

“Those who profit from adversity possess a spirit of humility and are therefore inclined to make the necessary changes needed to learn from their mistakes, failures, and losses. … When we are focused too much on ourselves, we lose perspective. Humility allows us to regain perspective and see the big picture. … Humility allows us to let go of perfection and keep trying.” John Maxwell

I certainly did “profit” from my losses in love – I grew! What about you? Did you profit from your divorce, separation and heartbreaks or are you still wallowing in self-pity, blame and/or bitterness? Wherever you are – it is okay. The first step to healing is acknowledging and that is what I invite you to do – acknowledge where you are exactly. You can do so here or through our Facebook page. You could also message me privately.

Looking forward to hearing about your learnings and do enjoy the rest of the evening.

Namaste