2014 Intentions: Mid-Year Review

Claudette Esterine

Hump day and so it is time for our audio blog! Listen here.

TRANSCRIPT

It is also Hump month, therefore we will check in on those vision boards, list of intentions or resolutions and/or your objectives for 2014.

This is our third, I believe check in since we suggested creating a vision board. I have shared my update as of April and as Life is always evolving and I am always up for the ride, there has been quite a few changes along my journey.

What is so funny is that as I reviewed my April update and matched it to my original visioning/goal setting, I realized a few things.

1. The Universe is really smarter and wiser than I am (lol).
2. All things do and have once again worked for good.
3. I nor you can control life. We can only control our thoughts and attitudes.

Once I "let go," completely surrender everything and everyone, magic happens.

'Magic' is precisely what has happened in my life since the start of this year. Money, great relationships, people who love and support me, a growing small business and increasing engagement on social media and the most terrific job that challenges all my expertise/knowledge/competencies!

Where are you with your set intentions? What have materialized so far? Are you happy? Do you feel good about yourself and where life has taken you so far this year?

It is totally okay if you said no to any or all of my questions. What it means is that you are still very much sorting and that is a great place to be!

Write to me through our Facebook page should you need support. You can also share your thoughts here.

Do enjoy this review day and I look forward to hearing from you.

Advice To Singles: How To Find Your Soulmate

Claudette Esterine

Being single, at any age, can be challenging. Yet, personally, I would not compromise my single status merely to settle for just any relationship.

It is 18+ months now since my second soulmate dumped me via a voicemail. Almost eight years since my first walked out on someone else's arm.

At my age, the likelihood of a third is very uncertain. Singledom seems to be where I will reign, at least for the foreseeable future. That does not have to be the case for you neither do you have to send out a search party for your soulmate. I never did and still got lucky and found two.

The chances of me baring the darkest recesses of my soul, opening any closet of childhood pain-filled memories or painting murals of my dreams with another soul are highly improbable. Why? Have I grown so cynical of love, men and/or intimate relationships?

No. The opposite is true. 

In my 40+ years, I have had, let us just say, a few intimate relationship with several culminating in marriages and cohabitation.  Only two, however, turned me inside out and upside down; squeezing the poison of self-hatred out of me and planting me firmly on the ground of self-knowledge.

Both relationships ended or endured through high drama and, if I were so inclined, would be great scripts for Hollywood blockbusters. Their value to me, the life lessons they taught, is much higher than the money. Honestly, I write trying to maintain a straight face.

“That's what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we've changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning.” Richard Bach

They changed me. My two soulmates changed me in ways that no other ever had. Both cracked me wide open to Love even as they exited my life. Probably more so because they left me.

Ten years later and I am a better woman, mother, lover and human being because these two souls held up mirrors to me that revealed almost every spot on my being.

Some believe that soulmates are once in a lifetime occurrences. Obviously I do not subscribe to that view. My question is whether three times will be a charm for me?

My suggestion to those who are seeking, searching or maybe prowling for their soulmate is: STOP!

Image: fineartamerica.com

A soulmate is, quoting Richard Bach again, "someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we are safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life."

We are evolving beings, nothing remains static - not our bodies and worse yet not our experiences or emotions. As we change, the soulmate who played with us in one particular garden may not be the one to walk with us into the open fields.

That was the hardest lessons of all for me when my playmate of 16 years had to go. Accepting that people, even soulmates, do come into your life for "a reason, a season or a lifetime," came after months of crying, suicide attempts and clinical depression.

When it was time for the second to leave, the parting was in fact surgical, clear cut and with love.

Am I anticipating a third soulmate? No. I have become, and this is what I am suggesting to you, a better love-smith.

My days and nights are now spent embracing the love that is now able to flow freely to, in and through the cracks left by my two loves. I clean my heart (lock) daily, sometimes minutely greasing it with feelings of self-love and appreciation. Friends and my daughter, in many instances even strangers, get to bask in the light emanating through those holes. They also experience my easy expression of love and adoration (key).

Should another partner arrive, one who respects, embraces and cherishes all that I have become then that person will receive in turn respect, love and loyalty beyond measure - my lock and my key.

Wonderfully wounded is how I now describe myself. Huge is my gratitude to my soulmates - J. Mc and I. F.

What about you? Have you been cracked open by love so great that you cannot help but being love? Can you call off your hunt, grease and maintain your lock and key and allow your next soulmate to come?

Share your story with us here or on our Facebook page. Enjoy the rest of this soul-filled day!

Claudette is the Founder of DOS Foundation and the Editor of our blog. She is a Jamaican-Canadian who lives in both countries. Single and a free spirit, Claudette is a communications and management professional as well as a Nature's Pearl Independent Distributor.

Swag Or Slumped? How Do You Roll?

What is it to be motivated?

Clara Brown

Motivation comes in different forms. What motivates me does not necessarily motivate you. We are all motivated by different 'agents'. Perhaps it was my early socialization but I am tremendously self-motivated.

"Self motivation - the ability to do what needs to be done without influence from other people or situations."

People who are self-motivated can find a reason and strength to complete a task, even when said task is very challenging. They do so without giving up or needing anyone to encourage them.

My 11-year-old son has the tendency to be very impatient completing his tasks, in particular those not related to school. He sets his proverbial bar very high and in doing so determines beforehand how long it should take to complete his tasks. Seldom does he take into consideration the fact that there are things outside of his control that may delay completion. When this happens, he becomes demotivated and begins to question his abilities.

It is for this very reason why certain terms are NOT entertained in my household.  Terms such as, "Oh, I am no good" or "I am so stupid" or "I hate doing this." I try to instill, through positive reinforcement, those values that lend themselves to self-motivation.  It may sound strange but we all have the ability to be self-motivated.  I encourage this in my son as self-motivation fosters consistency, persistency and aids the individual in regrouping and trying again.

Motivation is a driving force.

Image: theguardian.com

For me, the word "Force" personifies strength or vigor, the exertion of extra energy to obtain a particular result. We frequently hear the saying,"If wishes were horses...." Well, the reality is WISHES ARE NOT HORSES!

Motivation is complimented or accompanied by 'strength of character'. On its own, motivation is aimless and therefore must be fueled by strength and a desire to achieve a goal or target. Example: Needing to lose 20lbs in order to fit into a magnificent wardrobe for an upcoming Caribbean cruise. The motivation here is to be able to fit into my magnificent wardrobe with the goal, to lose 20lbs.

"Motivation is the powerful engine that moves you toward success and accomplishment in every area of your life." Remez Sasson

My 'swag' is that of a person who is seemingly highly motivated. A few weeks ago, I was having one of my "pep" sessions with some of my 'mentees.'  One of them asked, "So, Miss Brown, what motivates you? You are always so positive. You are always happy. Seems you are the one Pharrell meant when he sang HAPPY." I chuckled and responded, without even taking a breath, "My motivation is intrinsic!"

Image: thejuryexpert.com

I went on to explain that at this stage of my professional life, there is more gratification and satisfaction to me in being able to train, share my knowledge or be a positive role model to others. My experience and qualifications are more useful then rather than merely performing routine tasks and unless I can motivate or teach others, then boredom would set in.

There are those who are motivated from working, purely because their earnings pays the bills. Then, there are those who derive enormous satisfaction and fulfillment without consideration for their salary.  Some are at one or the other end of the spectrum, while some are like me and are smack in the middle.  I work in order to earn money but at the same time find my day-to-day work life intrisincally rewarding and satisfying.

We all have a built-in desire to achieve. What we want to achieve is personal to each of us and may change several times throughout our lives. Change, it is said, is the only constant. What motivates us in any given point will change according to said desire to achieve.

Are you able to muster the strength to keep going as changes occur in your evolving life? Can you motivate yourself or do you require others to give you a push? Do you swag or stumble through your challenges?

Talk with us here or on our Facebook page. You can also follow us on Twitter.

Have a great day Swagging!

Clara is a member of DOS, a regular Co-Author of our blog and an Insurance Executive who lives in Kingston, Jamaica with her spouse and 11 year old son.

The 100 Most Powerful Women - DOS Weekly

Read here

The phenomenal woman, Maya Angelou, made her transition this week and we feature some of her most inspiring life lessons in this, the 19th edition of DOS Weekly.

Equally important is the story of the world's 100 most powerful women - Angela Merkel, Michelle Obama, Marissa Mayer and Arundhati Bhattacharya are among the top 50. That is our feature story, along with some truths about eating out, and the obesity ranking of countries around the world.

Do enjoy reading these and other art and entertainment, leisure and education stories that were carefully selected for you.

We thank you for your continued support and again invite you to subscribe to DOS Weekly and get notification once the paper is hot off the keyboard. 

For the rest of the week, connect with us through our Facebook page or on Twitter.  Do enjoy the rest of your Saturday!

A Few Choice Tips For Grandparents

"It is a grand thing to be a mother of a mother---that's why the world calls her grandmother"- Anonymous

Clara Brown

Many grandparents today are stepping in to raise their grandchildren when the childrens' own parents are not able or willing to do so. In fact, according to the US Census Statistics (2000), over 4.5 million households in that country are headed by grandparents.

I have always felt that grandparents are supposed to play a key role in the "Kingdom of Grandchildrenship." As a grateful beneficiary (my brothers and I) of some high levels of grandparentship, the value of having such a relationship is not lost on me.

Memories of my hairdo courtesy of my willing and beautiful grandmother still make me shudder. When I complained, she would remind me, "Chile, yuh hair is yuh beauty, so it caan comb ugly!" (Translation: Child, your hair is your beauty so it cannot be uglily combed)

For me, "Ugly" meant "Nubian Knots" or "Chiney Bumps." We were not amused with our grandparents cosmetology skills. Oh, I didn't mention that when my hair was 'washed', notice I did not use the more modern term 'shampooed', this was a process that could take two days!

Many years after her passing, the cravings for her sweet-tooth culinary delights of coconut drops, gizzadas, and grater cakes, still lingered. Childish joy fills me when I recall Church Harvests preparations and the aroma of boiled sugar wafting through the house from the outdoor, wood-burning oven that my grandmother used.

"What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars of pleasure." Gene Perret

The value of the grandparents' input  cannot be underestimated or disregarded.  Some of us will be forever grateful.  Due to circumstances beyond parental control, by their absence or inability to raise their children, grandparents are often the ones who will step in. Raising a second generation brings many rewards, develop deeper relationships as well as keep the family together. As with direct parenting, grandparenting comes with its own level of challenges.

My mother technically 'never left home'.  My grandfather died when I was three years old so I do not remember much of him.  Grandma died in my High School years.  My mother was a workoholic, as such the adult who was constantly at home, sweeping, polishing and cooking our meals was Grandma.  She was also a self-acclaimed songstress; so in tune and out of tune, she would bellow her favourite hymns as she did the chores.  What amazes me to this day is that she could find a hymn or song befitting every event or circumstance.

Image: 55places.com

"A grandmother is a baby sitter who watches the kids instead of the television"....Author Unknown

The prospect of raising grandchildren is bound to trigger a range of emotions.  As the mother of a tweenager, it is very evident to me that this era is so different from the one I grew up in. I try to instill some of the old and valuable lessons taught to me by my mother and grandmother.  Of course, he constantly resists and reminds me how much different things were in MY time from now.

I have discussed this "time difference " issue with grandparents who are now saddled with being primary caretakers of their children's children.  In addition to the positive emotions of love which they feel, there are also the emotions associated with fear of failure, doubts and misgivings about their capability to raise children in these times and the feeling of ambivalence about child-rearing at a time when these responsibilities ought to be dwindling.

Those who did not refuse to assume the full responsibilities of parenting another generation, can get so caught up taking care of their charges that they neglect to take care of themselves.

My advice to grandparents at any level of participation, is do not get so preoccupied with your wards' lives that you let your own needs fall by the wayside.

Image: ohio.edu

TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS A NECESSITY, NOT A LUXURY!  

In order to keep up with your grand-kids, you need to be calm, focused and looking after your own mental and physical health. If you are a GRAND-parent, I have some tips for you:

• Take care of your own health. Unless you are in good physical shape, you will not be able to take care of the grandchildren:
• Make ME-Time for rest and relaxation.  This is essential to avoid burnout.  Remember, you have already raised one generation  of children. There are no Super GRANDma's or GRANDpa's. Use this ME-time to really do fun things away from the GRANDones.
• It is OK to ask for assistance from your grandchildren. They are smarter and more capable than we often give them credit. Helping out will also make your grand kids feel good, trusted and learn responsibility.

You did your lead role already having your children. Now you are a supporting actor/actress. Never feel guilty for remembering that and playing your Oscar-worthy role!

Share your tips with other grandparents here or on our Facebook page and do enjoy your grandies!