This Culture Of Shame Will End Us All

It is for real. We live, sleep, eat, drink, ingest and exude shame.

Shaming others and ourselves is our favourite past time.

Reality shows are based on shaming and so many lap them up.

Mothers doing what is most natural - breastfeeding their babies - are shamed into covering up.

If you have some curves or fluffs, as my Jamaican Sistahs call their love handles, there is a likelihood that you will be shamed.

Driving around Edmonton this morning, stopping for breakfast and picking up a few items, I see more subtle evidence of shaming. My friend needed to stock up on "smokes," (something that I shame him about in my questioning "do you have to smoke?) he pointed out to me some posters on the corner shop window. They were pictures taken of shoplifters who were caught on camera. "Banned," captioned all the "shameless," hungry and near destitute faces of mainly Aboriginal Canadians.

It is a similar kind of shaming that I notice on the television these last few days as images of Black Americans are captioned "looters," "hoodlums,"  and even "criminals."

Strangely, the practice and culture of shaming does not necessarily point to certain members of our societies.

Ever sat down to watch your tube and an image of "starving children of Africa," with flies about to perch on their eyeballs slowly pans across the screen? Shamed - an entire continent for the greed, neglect and mishandling of public funds by the wealthy bankers, multinational corporations and "First World" governments.

Where are the pictures of those people? How often have you seen the shaming of rogue police officers, employers, government officials who continue to perpetuate the circumstances of shame?

I have been "shamed" for dressing too well, my butt being too noticeable, my legs being as long as they are and for other reasons well beyond my natural control. The colour of my skin, my intelligence and the fact that I am a woman have been reasons or pretext to attempt to shame me.

Being elderly, having a physical disability, or being differently sexually oriented from the majority are ground zero for shaming too many.

When the "shamed" have had enough and feel a need to demonstrate their inability to contain the humiliation and pain any further - the "shamers" notch it up even further. They have the worldly power to do so seeing that they own the media, they are the "law enforcers," they are the government.

What then?

Yesterday, as with everyone else watching even briefly the riots in Baltimore, I saw a shamed woman - doubly so as she was black and her child is a "criminal," a "hooligan" - I saw her demonstrate what we all might consider doing.

Take a stand for change. Be the change that we want to see. End the shaming. Do as President Obama stated, not because of his office - far from it, but because he spoke the only truth that we all, everywhere in this world could heed:

"There are police departments that have to do some soul-searching. I think there are some communities that have to do some soul-searching. But I think we as a country have to do some soul-searching. This is not new. It’s been going on for decades.”

In fact, there are teachers, preachers, soldiers, managers, men, women, shopkeepers, celebrities - you, me - ordinary people, who have to do some soul-searching.

As we grapple yet another decade, through another year, another moment in time with shaming in the forms of racism, classism, sexism, heterosexism, ageism, nationalism, etc let us dig deep, stretch farther and heal.

In love, peace and justice for all,

Namaste

Claudette

Can Boys Be Coerced Into Sex? - Daughters of Sheba Weekly 10th Edition

This is the 10th edition of our Weekly and as always our stories are carefully selected to meet the interest of women all over! Our featured story and in fact our headline stories this week focus on sex and sexuality.

The main story asks the question: “Can Boys Be ‘Coerced’ Into Sex?” and points to the results of a new study, “which reveal that they are being coerced into sex by girls and young women, will surprise many.”

Continuing in this vein, we also highlight stories and reports on porn and empowerment, the future of sex and travel, health and leisure activities for women. Read it here

Build Your Own Soap Box

"One channel is the Stress Channel and the other is the Peace Channel. We really do have a choice about what we listen to. The Peace Channel can only be heard when we are present in the moment, when we are in the now. To tune in to the Peace Channel, all we have to do is be, experience, notice, and naturally respond to what is arising in the moment. To tune into the Stress Channel, we just have to start believing our thoughts again. [...] Eliminating stress is just a matter of tuning out the negative and tuning in the positive and just being, experiencing, and dancing to that music instead of the mind's chatter." Gina Lake 

Group think sessions, as I mentioned in a previous post, are not something that I willing or even regularly attend.

My tendency is to be a rebel. 

Not without a cause but for the one and only cause that has ever really mattered to me. That is to be myself. This independent streak has been noticeable in me since I was eight or so years of age. Fully aware that I can think for myself, my mission was to do the things that my heart was propelling me to do.

Talk. I love to talk. Any subject that attracted my attention would get its deserved exploration then I would share my findings. Literally, I created my own 'soap box' in our backyard and would stand there and share my thoughts with the Julie Mango tree. Incidentally, those are my favourite type of mangoes!

Wikipedia provides this definition of groupthinking:

"Groupthink is a psychological phenomenon that occurs within a group of people, in which the desire for harmony or conformity in the group results in an incorrect or deviant decision-making outcome. Group members try to minimize conflict and reach a consensus decision without critical evaluation of alternative ideas or viewpoints, and by isolating themselves from outside influences." 

Simply stated, to groupthink is to "hold the party line."

That has its benefits but the risk of myopia and rigidity of opinion and approach is too great for my liking. As well, to hold the "line," it must be fed to everyone in the group and therein lies my challenge.

As a society, we are constantly fed a line. Invariably, that line is grounded in fear and "othering" of people, places and things different to our particular group. The diet, necessary to keep us in tow, is fed by the media and other entities of influence such as religious organizations, political parties and even educational institutions.

Silence and getting with the programme, drinking the kool aid, behaving and dressing as everyone else and, most important, speaking according to the script are some of the 'rules' to be observed.

Conspiracy theories are not my thing, however, there is enough evidence throughout history to show how countries, communities and small groups of people have been "brainwashed." One of the most horrific examples is Hitler's Germany.

Yet there is always a renegade, a rebel who refuses to drink the beverage. That individual, the Anne Franks of our world, choose to see things differently, focus on "what is possible," rather than on what is.

My suggestion is not necessarily to switch off all televisions, radios etc. While a total black out of the negativity and sensationalism of our media would greatly enhance the reclamation effort, we have a more power-filled tool.

Choice.

Choose for yourself how you will view your life and how you want it to unfold from this point onwards. Let that choice guide you if, when and how to withdraw from the group.

Then, build your own soap box and speak Your Truth from it - even if you are the only one listening. Really, how many more listeners do you need? There is power in one - it is called, I believe, the butterfly effect.

We want to support you however possible so write to us here, on Facebook or Twitter and let us know how your station is coming along.

Blessings!

Photo Source: sodahead.com