Giving My Way!

It feels as if it has been weeks since my last article and in fact it has!

Bright and beautiful it is here in Kingston, Jamaica where we, my daughter, granddaughter and I, arrived last week. We are here to celebrate life - the soon 50th year of mine and the several months of Mahalia's arrival - with family, relatives, extended family and friends who are family.

This morning as I got my bearings opening my eyes, for a few seconds it was unclear to me where I was. The thought "it does not matter as wherever you are, all is well," came to me.

Fifty years it took for a life, my life to be at this place of acceptance and peace.

As my countryman and reggae artiste Buju Banton sings, "it's not an easy road." It certainly has not been for me, however, it is one that I would not trade.

On Saturday past, I attended the funeral service of a former colleague, most certainly a mentor and friend. The service flowed well. I am not a funeral-attending kind of person. Actually, I have told my daughter and closest friends that I want none to be held in my honour.

Trying to distract myself from the fact of where I was physically sitting, my mind roamed the memories shared with the departed, few as they were in comparison to that of many others who were gathered. Once that relatively brief stroll was done, I did what I love to do best - people observe. Not watching but observing, body languages and something that have been gifted to me and expands the more I allow it to - energy/vibe reading.

Most who I could see or sense were there for the same reason that I chose to go - respect and remembering the "road travelled" by one of their own.  The family was well ahead of me so I could not see them but could imagine their grief as it was expressed by the children of the deceased from the podium.

The energy changed remarkably with the second song in tribute to the departed. Tears flowed copiously all around me as the tenor belted the words of "I Did It My Way."

My recollection of the man whose life we were remembering was that he most certainly lived it his way. 

Not only that, he "gave" to Life fully. I was one of the recipients. 

This is not a memorial piece but a testimony to giving to life what you want. Mr. Smith, yes that was his name, was a communication consultant extraordinaire. More than that, he was a teacher who shared and gave his knowledge in public relations and communications to any young upcoming communications professional.

His giving returned to him a thousand fold and in myriads of forms I am sure. If the words spoken by the many remembering him was anything to go by, Mr. Smith milked life by giving what he had and knew. He gave not to receive but in service to the young ones and country.

"Generosity is not giving me that which I need that you do, but it is giving me that which you need more that I do." Kahlil Gibran

However my own transition is marked and I do hope my wishes are respected, as with Mr. Smith's my desire is for that song to be belted out as vigorously as possible, with the following adjustments:

"And now, the end is [here];
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had [none]
........
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
"Oh no, oh no not me,
I did it my way".

For what is [life if not to live]
To say the things [one] truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

Yes, it was my way."

Ralston Smith, thank you for giving to me and everyone of us who had the honour of learning at your feet. Rest In Peace

Claudette

The Sweetness of Life

Claudette Esterine

Life can be harsh, hard and sometimes downright horrible. It might be better to say that life's circumstances can be all of those things and more.

More often than not, however, life is sweet, delicious and delightful.

The bitter and the best of life may occur within the same day, moment and/or with the same person.

How ironic is that?

Almost all of the posts on this blog reflect certain aspects of the authors’ lives. The sour and the sweet of life, in this moment, are reflective of mine.

For many months, my relationship with my adult daughter was troubled, marred by unrealised expectations on both sides, disappointments regarding career choices, a failed business venture, etc. As a mother, I had certain hopes and dreams for my daughter. As a child, she had her own. As the saying goes – “never the twain shall meet.”

Estranged for months, actually closer to two years, with the support of my Sistahs of Daughters of Sheba who stood firmly in the gap for us, my hope and fervent prayer was that one day we would reunite. Yet, I was clear that that reunion would be on the basis of equals – with me respecting her choices as a woman and she respecting mine as a strong, independent, and very different type of mother.

Mahalia

That day came with the birth of my first grandchild on July 1, 2014.

Is everything forgotten, all the ‘failures’, disappointments, hurts? No. I hope not. Forgiven most certainly, at least on my part but not forgotten. While working in the correctional system, I was taught but rejected as a blanket covering all ‘evil’, that “the past behaviour is a pencil for the future.” Hearts can change, in my view and based on my own experience. Mine has and I have seen others do the same. It takes work but more so resolve to be vulnerable and open. It takes trust.

In my view, it also takes remembering.

My memory of the challenges that my daughter and I have experienced, makes the sweetness of the past week more than bearable. Seeing my Kitten’s face (that is my name for my granddaughter) makes the journey to this day that much sweeter.

Will we have disagreements between us, even fights? Of course! Up to yesterday we did! What I know for sure now is that nothing will separate my heart from that of my daughter and her first child – Mahalia.

I do apologize for the absence of our regular posts all of last week. This was due to the unexpected arrival of this bundle of joy one week ago. It is my promise that you our readers will continue to share my journey and that of my small family. It would be my honour to continue to share yours and look forward to your comments here on our blog or on our Facebook page.

Namaste