Forget Fear! Just Do It Anyway!

Claudette Esterine

Six months after turning 18 years old I was boarding an airplane for the first time in my life.

Terror or at least fear should have been coursing through my body. Looking around at the others, their fear was palpable. They were older than me, some by a few years and at least one who was a decade my senior.

We were boarding an afternoon flight from Kingston, Jamaica that 22 hours later would touch down in Moscow, the then capital of the former Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (U.S.S.R).

That was how the next seven years of my life would be spent - fearlessly.

I had no choice. It was sink or swim and Claudette had been doing dry land breast and backstrokes for a very long time. This was an opportunity of a lifetime, getting a scholarship for higher education and one that I was not going to punk out on.

Tears would flow copiously as my Jamaican behind froze in subzero temperatures in Kiev, the capital of the Ukraine where I was assigned to pursue my first Master's degree. The floodgates would open when an African boyfriend smack me around because I ended our relationship. I thought I would die when my Jamaican husband beat me to a pulp in my sixth year.

Only once I thought to throw in the towel.

It was after the Chernobyl nuclear disaster and I had lost my first child, a son, and was pregnant again. The painful memory of seeing only the back of my stillborn son's head was almost enough to make me want to runaway to protect my new unborn child. Her father had a different idea about the pregnancy and it coming to fruition.

I pursued neither options and today she is pregnant with her own daughter, my Kitten.

Fear has a way of closing us off to many experiences that, while in the moment might seem terrifying, hold the gem of the most valuable gifts. In my own journey, fear has raised its head over and over again. Fear of poverty, losing 'the best' relationship, a dream job or fear of being alone are some that I have faced off.

Through the 'bucking' of my fears I have had a very interesting, exhilarating sometimes and exciting life so far. Have there been moments of despair, depression and desperation? Of course!

My greatest times of devastation were usually related to relationships with others. Whether it was my abusive mother, my father and his family who abandoned me or lovers who said it was forever but left - I have been brought to my knees, no rather crawling like an injured lizard.

Image: cbsnews.com

Thoughts of giving up and attempts to so do were engaged and employed. Thankfully, Life was not done with me being here on Earth. My purpose has not yet been fulfilled.

Even after having my heart broken so many times, and having it reduced to a chunk, it still pulsates with red hot love. 

Very little phases me - then and now. The dishonesty of others still surprises me and yes, I am hesitant about giving my (intimate) love to anyone. The bonus, however, is that the experiences of heartbreak has taught me to love more generously, without conditions and wastefully.

I just do it, whatever, anyway, eyes wide open now, and enjoy the roller coaster of a ride we know as Life!

What about you? Are you too scared to be all of you? Share your story with us here or on our Facebook page.

Continue to have a fear-free a day as possible!

Claudette is the Founder of DOS Foundation and the Editor of our blog. She is a Jamaican-Canadian who lives in both countries. Single and a free spirit, Claudette is a communications and management professional as well as a Nature's Pearl Independent Distributor.

Shine Bright Like A Diamond All Day!

It is Wednesday so we have an audio blog. Do listen here.

TRANSCRIPT

Have you ever woken up with a headache and the last thing you want to see is the sunrise? Too bright, turn it down please!!!

That was me this morning. Head throbbing for days now but arising earlier, it felt as if it was ready to explode.

Whatever you might think, posts to this blog are not pre-planned. Yes, you were right those of you who thought "man, they are all over the place!" Most times, the idea for the next day's theme and topic comes to me as I turn in for the night.

No such luck last night. As I crawled in from work, tired not because of my new workload but due to my trying to keep it together as my head threatened to drop off, my only thought was to end the day as quickly as possible.

The alarm went off at 5:00 a.m. "Shit, I haven't posted a good morning on DOS!" Nice way to start the day; definitely not how my teachers suggest. No basking in the beauty of the morning, the softness of the bed linen nor anticipating the taste of coffee on my lips.

Nope. The sun streamed in through the loft door and straight into my eyes. Too flipping bright for my retina that was counting down to the explosion of my head. I managed to ask, "What am I doing today?"

"Shine bright like a diamond," was all I heard.

Headache or not, Claudette really finds it hard to not express her opinions. So I asked for specific instructions how to do that in my ongoing state of physical discomfort and onset of emotional numbness.

No thanks to Nike, my inner voice used language that always move me - "Just do it!"

So here I am, recording this audio blog, tweeting, posting to Facebook and Google+ and in between making breakfast, packing lunches, tending to a nauseated pregnant daughter, cooking peppered steak for dinner and now getting myself ready to go manage a staff that is still trying to decipher whether I am good for their professional future.

That's life is it not? You have two choices: opt in or opt out. When the challenges come and they will, you can choose to smash the alarm, roll over and go back to sleep.

The other option is: shine through the challenges, never dimming the light that you are; using your pain as your propellant!

The author John Jakes says it well: "Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish."

But today, it's "bad girl," the diamond in rough herself who is in my ear - Rihanna - she is pumping me up.

Join us on our Facebook page or on Twitter and shine bright like a diamond my dear friends!