It's A Great Day; So Why Did I Panic?

Panic is not something that comes naturally to me anymore.

It must have something to do with aging or as I prefer to say maturing. Not a lot though as I know some "older" folk who are prone to panicking.

Acceptance. That is my answer and precursor to most things. That is my usual panic-be-gone spray.

This morning, of all mornings, I was beset by panic!

The spray was not working. My attack was triggered by doubt, serious doubt and no matter how much I reminded myself of today's theme: "Today is a good day to have a good day," I could feel my blood pressure rising.

You might think my anxiety had to do with money or a lover but those are the least of my concerns - whether I have or not.

My equilibrium was being challenged by my own perception of my limitations. I consider myself, even if no one else does, a fairly smart and intelligent woman. A good portion of my astuteness has to do with knowing my strengths and not-so strong parts.

Living humbly and alone are things that come almost too natural to me now. I have no hang ups about being single or eating sardines for dinner as examples.

What freaks me out and had me gasping for breath earlier this morning was doubt about my ability to assume responsibility for an area of work I have long detested - accounting.

My day was not turning out to be a good one, no matter how deeply I sucked on my breath!

Worse yet, The Universe was not on my side. Everyone around me could see I was about to have a seizure the more the role was being explained to me. Well, everyone except The Big Guy Above!

I seemingly had two choices:
1. Sink
2. Swim

Then a third quietly came to me between the twining of my brows and my  labour-pain easing breaths: Surrender.

"Surrender creates equanimity and bliss because you release yourself from any attachment to the results." Annette Vaillancourt Ph.D.

Attached to the result rather then accepting what was, was the root cause of my panic. I was more focussed on the end result, attached to a history of "failing" in this particular area and not accepting of the opportunity to grow even further, stretch myself and surpass my former shortcoming.

As I surrendered, not without a frown, my panic lessened and my brain started to absorb the information my colleague who is going off for surgery was presenting to me.

"This is what the others saw, Claudette," the Still Small Voice said. "This is what I know you are capable of. Why do you continue to doubt me?"

My lessons come quickly. I just have to state my intention and they appear. My intention today was to have a great day one in which I emptied myself of doubt and the lesson followed up by 8:00 a.m.

Hope you are had a doubt-free day! If not, share your stories with us here or on our Facebook page.