Do You Like Sex?

By the end of the day, someone will most certainly point me to texts on the "History of Sexual Repression." As well, there will be messages regarding biblical passages that outline all of the dictates around sexual relations.

Both types of references will be appreciated albeit unnecessary. Why? Well, in my view #Sex - the why's, when's, with whom and where of the act - is totally personal.

Having a moral compass that guides interpersonal relationships is a wonderful if not necessary thing. The question becomes, however, who sets the compass? 

For centuries, sex, sexuality and sensuality have been guided and in fact controlled by the Church. Some blame it on the Catholic faith, others simply lay blame at the feet of men generally.

"Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!" George Bernard Shaw 

We all do it but somehow it is the #Sexuality and sexual expression of #Women that have been subject to power and control. The sexual exploits of men, while 'scandalous' for those in office in the United States mainly, is quietly seen as a mark of their prowess.

I love sex. I embrace my sexuality in all its expressions and manifestations. My sensuality is what makes me the woman that I am - warm, caring, nurturing and self-assured. Does any of that make me or any woman who feel as I do wanton hussies? Absolutely not.

People go out if their way to make distinctions between having sex and making love. For the most part, I try not to do so because even with the person who has my heart, there are times we 'have sex' and other times when we 'make love'.

What experience, mistakes, age and maturity have taught me is:

• My sexuality and sensuality are nothing to be ashamed of. 
• My femininity is to be embraced but not suffocate me 
• Sex appeal cannot be bought at the designer clothing store, spa or had through wearing Christian Louboutin shoes. 
• Strutting half naked is way less attractive than showing that I have a brain and know how to use it. 

The most important and valuable of all lessons though is knowing that my body is mine, the temple of the Being that I represent and Who - not the Church or any other human - will guide me how to express its Love. 

So whether having sex or making love, the essence remains the same - the act is a combination of souls seeking to release, channel and share the beauty within. Many in their shortsightedness and soulless lust, often miss this point and instead see the act as a way to control and exert power.

"The overriding message: for many, sexuality is emerging from the realm of guilt and sin and becoming instead a divine blessing and a way to reach new, transcendent heights." Holly Lebowitz Rossi

Share your thoughts with me by leaving a comment, messaging on our Facebook page or send us a tweet.

Have a sexy day!

Be Like A Dog

"We don't have to be defined by the things we did or didn't do in our past. Some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret. Maybe it's a regret, maybe it's not. It's merely something that happened. Get over it." Pittacus Lore 

That certainly sounds harsh: "Get over it!" Yet, it is so true.

"No use crying over spilt milk," is another one of those sayings that confounded me in my much younger years. Now, at my wise old age of 40 plus, let us leave it at that, my motto is: "Handle life [stress, challenges] like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away!" 

The amount of pee I have used up in the past few years could fill a swimming pool. 

See, my recently found dog philosophy has had me lifting my 'hind' legs and walking

away from so much drama. Looking back, yes I do look back not to wallow but to learn, had I not been able to do that my life would be much different today.

For sure I would not be writing this blog. They do not permit electronic devices in Canadian prisons or asylums!

The experiences over my life but just in the past eight years were enough to either make me a lunatic or someone's b'tch in a 2x2 cell! My faith in Something bigger than myself and/or any problem that confronts me remove regrets from my thoughts.

Dumped, broke, stranded, ignored, hungry, abandoned were some of the situations I found myself facing. At peace, provided for, lavishly accommodated, improved health and weight management, surrounded by Love are few of the rewards of my mistakes!

There was a time too when I would say that these grace-filled moments came at a high price. Actually, they came at the RIGHT price. These "blessons" costed me some time and some pain but measured against the smiles, the love and the warmth that I experienced while they lasted - it was worth it.

It certainly is not an easy thing to do - pee on situations and even people who helped to cause you grief. The only 'mistake' that I can see, though, would be to allow them to hold you in bondage! That is exactly what having regrets does.

Should you need a demonstration on how to pee on hurt-filled situations, check the nearest tree in your park or hydrant. If it is too cold for the dog-tutors to be out, then email, inbox or tweet me.

Be blessed and empty your bladders!

P.S. We are pleased to announce that The First Gathering of DOS will be held from Sunday, December 14 to Sunday,  December 21, 2014 in Jamaica!  Check our Facebook page for details and reserve your space now!

Photo Source: dawgbusiness.blogspot.com

Soul Food

There was a time in my life when all I wanted was to be in an intimate relationship and to have a throng of friends.

Chalk those desires up to not having a model of a working and caring intimate relationship in my childhood. As well, I quenched my thirst for romance through Mills and Boones' novels and all that taught me was love was an illusive thing.

Being an only child, I desperately wanted the camaderie of a big family, brothers and sisters to play with and learn from. There were other children in our house from time to time, boarders and such the like, however there was always an invisible barrier between us. My mother did not encourage my having friends, so the longing grew deeper.

It was not until 35 years later that I realized what that empty, piercing space meant. Lovers, marriages and friends (some really good ones and some that I could have done well without) had come and gone. Yet, the hole deepened almost reaching the soles of my feet.

During one of those moments, when standing was too painful and I laid on my tummy in the walk-in closet of my spacious bedroom, that awareness came.

Working as a hospital chaplain, it was my privilege to sit with people from all walks of life. Often, as we held hands (I am a touchy-feely kind of person), patients would let me into their most intimate space - their souls. Never did I hear one of these patients say, "I wish I had more friends, more money, more lovers." Most had lots of friends, close family and a spouse.

What these patients expressed, particularly the terminally ill and/or the ones who I was standing in the gap with as they made their transition, was a desire for God/Source/Light.

Different names were used to describe the love that their souls were reaching for in those moments. Some were not Christians or "believers" of any traditional 'way'. As a multifaith chaplain, I had to serve Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Wiccans, and atheists among others. Lying on those hospital beds, surrounded or not by loved ones, the desire was the same - to connect with the Soul's Source.

Lying on my closet floor, seemingly alone, abandoned and lost, I too reached out for that connection. What was said is hardly important. It was the feeling, the urgent wordless cry to be reconnected, aligned and in lockstep with all that is, The One, that 'saved' me.

I do not know your beliefs, your path or your way. Actually, it does not matter. It is the care of your soul and mine that unites us and all that matters to me.

No lover, no friend, not even family can feed your inner being what it really needs. They may point a way but it will be theirs. Only you can find that Source of food that will feed you.

If there is any help that we may offer, a drink of water on your journey, please free to ask. You make connect with us through this blog, on Facebook or Twitter.

Be blessed and have a great Sunday! Namaste

The Best Day of the Week? Every Day!

Which is your most favourite day of the week? Why?

Sunday used to be mine. 

I love the lazy feel of Sundays. As a child, it was the only day we got to sleep in, no chores and less contention in the house. Breakfast, no matter how humble, it was plentiful and while we were still having it, dinner was on the fire.

Going to Church on a Sunday was the law in my mother's house - for the children, not her. By one in the afternoon when we returned home, Sunday dinner was ready, only awaiting the table to be set. This was not for everyone but for the man of the house, my step father at the time. The best cutlery was for him. In fact, most of the meal and for sure the 'best' pieces of meat were his.

Things changed a lot when I became a mother and had my own home. Church was optional and if that Sunday it was the option of choice, I was very much in the car. Sunday breakfast continued to be a big deal but it was not always at home. Many Sunday mornings would find us on the beach having fish and festivals. Other times, we would do Sunday brunch at a popular restaurant or at the Jamaica Pegasus Hotel, where they served one of the best brunches.

Our Sunday dinners were not as early as my mother's and way more equitable! It was the rule though that we dined together, everyone using the best knives and forks in the house and conversation was a must. It was at my Sunday dining table that my daughter was instructed on table manners, proper use of her cutlery - the full set, and the art of polite conversation. We spoke politics, school work, music (which was always in the background), and any other topic important to her in that moment.

Life has changed a lot for me in the ensuing years. 

Many Sundays since 2006 are spent in my own company. What I have found in that time is that any day can be a Sunday. You do not have to wait until Sunday to go to Church, eat a nice meal or sleep in.

"Pray unceasingly," is what Paul of Scriptures wrote. My life, my walking and more and more, my communicating is a prayer. My most ardent prayers are my daily conversations with Source. Sitting on a bus, stuck in traffic, talking with a challenging client and I am quietly asking for guidance.

Come visit me any day of the week, including today, Saturday, and a three course spread will be ready in a few. To top it, you will be dining with the best cutlery in my house!

Live each day as fully as you can! Drink from the crystal, wear your prized dress and dance! This beautiful poem says it best:

Live Each Day to the Fullest by S. H. Payer

Live each day to the fullest. 
Get the most from each hour, each day, and each age of your life. 
Then you can look forward with confidence, and back without regrets. 

Be yourself, but be your best self. 
Dare to be different and follow your own star. 

Don’t be afraid to be happy and enjoy what is beautiful. 
Love with all your heart and soul. 
Believe that those you love, love you. 

When you are faced with decision, make that decision as wisely as possible, then forget it. 
The moment of absolute certainty never arrives. 

Above all, remember that God helps those who help themselves. 
Act as if everything depended on you and pray as if everything depended on God. 

Have a full day! Share how you spent it with me here or on our Facebook page. You may also follow us on Twitter.

Namaste

What Kind of Stories Are You Telling?

My patience ran extremely thin and finally snapped several years ago. I had told one too many sob stories and Patience quit me.

Romance novels, filled with heartbreak and pain, were my favourites growing up. The more unfortunate the story, the more tears it illicited from me, the more I devoured it.

Same is true for television shows, the "soaps" that are awash with lies, deceit and betrayals. We just cannot get enough of the drama! I would not even begin to describe the fare fed daily, minutely, every darn secondly by the news media.

Almost two years now, I decided to turn off the news. Many years prior to that, the television was removed from my bedroom. The time had come when I no longer wanted or needed Wolf Blitzer or even the indomitable Christiana Amanpour to direct my thoughts.

Neither did I need to listen to one more sob story from myself. Enough! 

"You bring about what you think about," is one of my favourite quotes. I usually add "persistently" at the end as it is my belief that a thought that crosses my mind for a second might not 'come about'. However, those things that we, as the Jamaican in me love to say, "draw long bench" on are the ones shaping our experiences.

We all desire to live "the good life." However, our training in news reporting is getting in the way. If your habit is to call up your friends, post to Facebook, BBM everyone on your contact list to report the latest episode in the dramatic production entitled "Your Life," then do not be shocked at the manifestations.

Do not get me wrong, storytelling is a wonderful thing. It is free entertainment, can offer merriment and serves as an important tool to impart life's lessons to others. There, however, are life-giving and life-sucking stories. You get to choose which ones you want to tell and/or hear.

My hope is that you will most frequently chose the stories that will uplift, empower and fill you and those listening with beauty, light and love. Please share some with us here or on our Facebook page. Follow us as well on Twitter.

Have an awe-filled day.

What Are You Seeking?

"Change is the only constant in life," said Heraclitus and nothing could be more true.

We humans fight this truth, a losing battle though it might be. Failing to see that life is about expansion, in fact one might say that life is expansion, we humans live for the destination.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" This is the question most children are asked. Whatever the response will be the measure of their success or failure, unfortunately.

To change one's mind, to deviate from the script is tantamount to sacrilege in some homes. "But you said," is the accusatory response when an individual changed his or her mind, did something else, reached for another desire or simply came home by a different route. Somehow we got it in our heads that to change course is a bad thing.

Why is that so? Could it be because we are more focused on getting there rather than the trip there? We want the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and changing the route, the departure date or taking the bus might mean getting there late and someone else got it or never reaching there at all.

Would you be shocked to know there is no pot of gold, no end of the rainbow and no destination to get to?

The desire (want) is all that there is! It is what expands us and it's the road map.

"You never get it wrong and you never get it done," was one of the most freeing statements for me to hear. I had beaten up on myself for some of the changes in my life, the detours that I took, the pits that I fell into and the destinations never reached.

My answer to that age old question was first, "I want to be a doctor," not because of any true passion for medicine but it sounded good and my childhood friends had said that as well. From an early age we learn to keep up or surpass the Joneses. When we "failed" to do so, shame and disappointment sets in as "you got it wrong." It took me all of 40 years to give a finger to that notion.

Pursuing the desires of our hearts, seeking What seeks us is all that matters. Your mode of dress, whether in a doctor's coat or in an overall, is not the point. How you travel - joy-filled, at peace and freely; or angrily, shame-filled and envious - will determine the length and smoothness of your ride.

"Let yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of that which you truly love..." Rumi 

Listen to your heart, clarify your vision, take your eyes off what others have or are doing and live YOUR desires.

Feel free to contact me should you want to share how the "trip" has been for you. Leave a comment here or on our Facebook page. You may also follow us on Twitter.

Be blessed!

Photo Source: moazmodernvinyl.com

Gracefully Maturing

Are you aging with a "bad" attitude?

That is a relative word, "bad," and not one of my preferred. Labelling is not an activity that I like to indulge in. No situation or experience is really "good" or "bad," they just "are."

Growing older 'just is' a fact of life. It is part of living. Everyone will grow older, will age and most certainly will die. Resistance is futile. To regard aging with fear is to create a monster within oneself. Being obsessive about the effects of aging on the body and physical appearance is maddening.

There is nothing you can do to stop aging - accept that or go nuts!

Clichés such as "age is just a number," or "it is great to be old, wise and sage," do little to quell the fears and concerns of those who are not aging gracefully. Are you aging gracefully? Not sure what that entails? Let me explain my understanding.

Recently, I was reading an article about French women and aging that really impressed me. The French are often ridiculed, particularly by American comedians among others, however their approach to life is very commendable in many ways. On this specific topic of aging gracefully, this Huffington Post article stated that French women:

1. Can be the sensual love interests in movies 
2. Feel that less is best when it comes to wearing make-up 
3. Consider sex to be important for women 50+ 
4. Prefers having just an handful of really nice, perfectly fitting clothing over a wardrobe full of 'junk' 
5. Rate walking as far more valuable than being an obsessed gym bunny 
6. Watch what and how much they eat, choosing smaller portions of a variety of dishes 

My conclusion is that aside from my name, there is more French to me than originally thought! My only addition to this list would be that aging gracefully (successfully) also requires knowing what you want. What are the experiences, things, places, people etc that would completely open up this stage of your life?

"To age gracefully, one needs to anticipate the changes that are inevitable...people who think rigidly do not do that. As they encounter the natural changes and health status that are part of aging, these things are experienced as negative and adding a lot of stress and strain to their life. Rigid thinkers tend to get overwhelmed. They can't manage it, and they get depressed." Mark Frazier 

I jokingly refer to myself as maturing (like fine wine) rather than aging. That may very well be my spontaneous reaction to the negative associations with the word "aging." The other day, I had a minor panic attack seeing that my right hair temple had gone gray. It lasted all off two minutes when no one sympathized with me.

Aging gracefully or successfully, if you prefer the latter word, is way more than accepting the increasing physical evidence of changes in one's body. As with any type of "loss" or changing circumstances, it is okay to 'mourn', lament or freak out as I did. Let it not be, however, an immobilizing event.

Whatever your age now, start planning or identify and participate in things that are important to you. These might include things that you did not have the time or dared to do before. Activities such as travelling, spiritual pursuits, hobbies, new social groups, lifelong learning or volunteering might be of interest, depending on how you want to experience this exciting stage of life.

"There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age." Sophia Loren

Do share some of your tips for aging gracefully with us in our comments section, on our Facebook page or tweet us.

Be blessed and age gracefully, daily!

Photo Source: earthangels-angeliclightworkers.com